


Solum

by TaetenBDS



Category: ATEEZ (Band), NCT (Band), SuperM (Korea Band)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Bottom Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten, Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten is Whipped, ChittaphonLeechaiyapornkul, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kim Jungwoo needs a hug, Lee Taeyong Needs a Hug, Lee Taeyong becomes whipped, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Side Ateez ships, Ten therapist, Top Lee Taeyong, Warnings will be given, lee taeyong - Freeform, maybe smut?, mention of rape, sensitive topics, side johnmark, side luwoo, taeten - Freeform, therapist
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:21:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 68,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24105868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaetenBDS/pseuds/TaetenBDS
Summary: You came when I had nothing, and made yourself my everything.Solum, Latin- Found
Relationships: Choi San/Park Seonghwa, Kim Jungwoo/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, Lee Taeyong/Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten, Mark Lee/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 126
Kudos: 162





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted on Wattpad, but I love Ao3 so much, so I decided to come here. Hope y’all like it!

Ten had never really experienced true pain.

Sure he's stubbed his toe, burnt his hand, but he never really felt the pain of losing a loved one, or feeling worthless. If he had to choose something he's struggled with, he'd probably have to say that he just feels lost. He found that being so untouched brought him to a feeling of emptiness, eating at him like an apple, yet never reaching the core. He didn't know what he wanted to do with his life. He never broke down because of this, or even cried, he just simply felt...

_Lost_

Call it what you want, he'd say, but he began to reflect on how his lack of suffering could help others.

He still vividly remembers his 15 year old self escaping to the empty school hallways during an assembly, and seeing the most broken looking boy he had ever laid his eyes upon in the bathroom.

The boy didn't seem to notice him, or maybe he just didn't care, but Ten used this time to take in the boy's appearance. The boy's light brown hair was tussled, either from the lack of care or a nervous habit of running his slender hands through it Ten didn't know. His uniform was wrinkled as well, but what really caught Ten's attention was the boy's sleeves rolled up, and a broken bottle piece in his hands, ready to cut his own life away like paper.

As Ten saw this, he immediately rushed to the boy's side and knocked the shard out of his hand, looking at him with such horror, but also with concern for the broken stranger he'd just met.

"What are you doing!?" he yelled. The boy just looked down and away, but Ten kept talking frantically. "Do you know how much you could've lost if you did this!?" Ten grabbed the boy's sleeves, startling the boy as he rolled the sleeves down, choosing to ignore the other various scars on his arm.

The boy just stood there, trying to find his words. They stood in silence, one that isn't uncomfortable, nor is it comfortable for that matter, but a silence that is needed.

"W-why are you doing this? Y-you don't even know me..." The broken boy finally asked.

Ten simply stared dumbly at him.

"Yeah so? Because I don't know you I should just let you ruin yourself?" Ten's volume lowered this time, looking sincerely into the boy's eyes.

And for the first time, the boy stared back into his eyes for more than 5 seconds, though his eyesight was becoming blocked by the wall of tears building up in his eyes.

"B-but I... I'm no one..." the boy said as he slowly broke down.

He soon felt his body being surrounded by a warmth he'd never felt before, one that slowly compels his walls of tears to fall, to rack his body with sobs, to make him feel cared for, for once in his life.

He felt the warmth of being hugged. He finally registered that it was the other boy's arms giving him warmth, his voice whispering soft affirmations in his ears, telling him something he'd never heard in his life.

That he's not broken. Not worthless.

This went on for a solid 5 minutes, until the sobbing boy finally lifted his head from Ten's tear drenched shoulder, still clinging desperately to the foreign warmth.

_How do you make friends? How do you make them without getting any bruises, then coming home just to receive more?_ The boy thought. He decided that the boy should at least know his name. _I think... I think I can trust him.  
_

"I-I'm Jungwoo" he whispered, just barely loud enough for the shorter male to hear.

He held his breath, ready for the hits to come flying his way. But the other's next actions surprised him.

"I'm Ten," he said, smiling wide. And for the first time in years, maybe even his whole life, Jungwoo felt what he thought was a smile slowly grow on his face.

And for Ten, he finally found out where he wanted his life to go. He wanted to help people. He wanted to show them that no matter who they are, they are not worthless.

The two boys later became best friends, always there for each other, to hear each other's rants, laughs, and thoughts.

Jungwoo had begun to smile much more, and even laughed with him, which definitely caused Ten to be pleasantly surprised. It had happened when Ten choked on his sprite and it came out his nose, causing Jungwoo to laugh. Ten ignored the burn in his nose and smiled brightly.

He slowly started to open up, as he felt the burden on his shoulders was weightless enough to put it on his best friend's.

So, during their Junior year, Jungwoo went to Ten's house for one of their normal movie nights. While watching the movie, Jungwoo suddenly paused it, causing Ten to look at him curiously.

"Ten" Jungwoo called, suddenly becoming serious. Ten hummed, beckoning him to continue.

"I want to tell you... about..." he took a deep breath, something Ten had taught him to do to stop his habit of hyperventilating when he was nervous or anxious. "I want to tell you about me," He had managed to say.

Ten's eyebrows raised as he shot up to a sitting position.

"Are you sure? You don't have to force yourself" he said, pushing down his eager want to know.

"No I... I want to tell you, since you were the person who saved me." Jungwoo smiled warmly, causing Ten to do the same.

That night, Jungwoo released his past like a bird he'd been nursing, saving its wings and letting it fly out into the world, out of its cage. Ten learned how Jungwoo's parents had been illegal drug dealers, alway high and always fighting with each other. His mom died from overdose when he was 7, causing his father to spiral more than he already had. He began to yell at Jungwoo more frequently, which Jungwoo could tolerate, since he's gone through it all his life.

That was until it had gotten worse. His father would begin to beat his own son, calling him worthless. Jungwoo tried to endure this as well, blocking out the hateful words and painful bruises from his own blood, until he began to believe his father. He began feel like nothing. At the start of his 4th grade, he realized that he liked his friend, which would be acceptable to others, if his friend wasn't a boy. When Jungwoo finally gained the courage to give his well written love note with to his friend with shaky hands, he was disgusted with him, left him alone and spread rumors that he tried to kiss him.

From there, Jungwoo could never make any more friends, always enduring the pain of the beatings at school and the ones at home. He moved schools after his dad got the call from his teacher that he must, for the sake of his child, which the father cared nothing about.

So now he found himself here, with a person he can truly count on and trust.

The night ended in Ten consoling his best friend, telling him none of it was his fault, and that he was worth so much more than he thought he was.

Jungwoo always believed Ten should take a career path that helps others, because when he was under his caring words, he felt like he could breathe without feeling like he's taking oxygen he doesn't deserve from the world.

The two always had each other, through the rest of their high school and college years.

Jungwoo had moved in with Ten's family, his father very easily gave Ten's family full custody, which made Jungwoo sad of course, to be so easily thrown away, but at the same time, he didn't complain.

The two were then officially family.

****

"Damn, you'd think for a rich ass family, they would see the creepy door in their basement." Ten said mockingly.

"True but it's also hidden really well" Jungwoo commented.

"I guess" Ten replied.

8 years later, and the two still make time for their movie nights. Jungwoo barely manages to clock out early at the cafe he works at, and Ten's job hasn't had any action.

"Hey, did anything happen at work today?" Jungwoo asks. Ten groans, wanting to forget the hours of boredom, eliciting a loud laugh from Jungwoo.

"It's fucking _awful_." Ten rants, "There's nothing to do, my boss just says I have to wait to "find the right patient", but how long do I have to!? I've been waiting for a year, and I haven't been assigned one person!" Ten is now sitting up, the movie drowned out by his loud voice. Jungwoo gently puts his hand on Ten's shoulder and guides him back down.

"It's ok Ten, I'm sure there's a reason. Have you talked to your boss about it?"

" _Of fucking course_ I have! All he says is that every patient has a therapist that is 'ideal' patient for them and I have to wait for mine?!" Ten sits up again, yelling. Jungwoo repeats the action to sit him back down with his hand on the other's shoulder.

"Well, your patient is coming, I can feel it! Fighting Haedawe!" Jungwoos yells.

Ten sighs, "I guess...but what the fuck was that?" Ten asked. Jungwoo was confused at first until he realized what he said.

"Fighting Haedawe?" Ten clarifies, though Jungwoo does know, he's just trying to find a reason why he said that for himself.

"Uh yeah, this guy at my work keeps saying it to all the workers who start getting tired when it gets late." Jungwoo tries to say casually, but his best friend can see right through him, from the clear blush on his cheeks and the nervous chuckle at the end of his sentence, to him rubbing the tattoo on his right wrist, a habit he picked up when he was nervous.

Right when the two turned 18, Ten suggested Jungwoo get tattooed to cover up his scars. Jungwoo went with a large landscape of a desert that covers his forearm on the left arm, and a landscape the same scale as the other one of a jungle on his right. Ten and Jungwoo thought it was perfect. It's hard to tell just by looking, but it represented Jungwoo's journey.

Stories are read from left to right, prompting the desert to be on the left. It represents his life before. In a desert, there's endless amounts of sand with nothing to see miles beyond with no water, paired with the scorching heat of the sun. Dry is the word to summarize it all. In a Jungle however, representing Jungwoo's life now, there's water falls, rivers, and _life_...

Life is the word to summarize it.

"What?" Jungwoo says as he watches a devilish grin grow on Ten's face.

"Someone's got a crush~" Ten said in a sing-song voice.

"I-I do not," Jungwoo said, although he knows he's been caught.

"Spill, what's his name, is he hot? Is he tall? Is he nice to you?" Ten started, his voice getting stern with the last question.

"Lucas, Yes, _Yes_ , and Yes" Jungwoo answered, his small smile growing into a full grown grin by the end.

"Oh my god you're so whipped already." Ten teased just before catching the pillow Jungwoo threw at him, which led to a very intense pillow fight.

****

Ten got ready as usual.

He ate his breakfast as usual, drove to work as usual, yet he couldn't help but feel this feeling in his head that a change was about to happen. Like the world suddenly shifted just for one day. Ten didn't know why he felt this, but it brightened his mood, so he wasn't complaining.

When he arrived to work he did his usual procedure. He greeted the nurses, took his cup of coffee the poor college intern had to make, and went to his boss' office.

"'Sup bitch" Ten said to Kun, who looked up and rolled his eyes at his devilish worker.

"Hello to you too, bitch" Obviously, this doesn't sound like what a worker would say to his boss, but they were really close friends.

"Is there something for me today?" Ten asked with a robot-like voice. It was like a routine for Ten to ask, though he never expects much, today is no different.

"Actually, yes" Kun said, taking out the papers, jumping from the shriek of surprise from Ten. He physically _jumped_ in excitement, his heart racing.

"Wait really!? If you're joking..." Ten said, his jumping ceased, suddenly going full threat mode.

"I'm not joking," Kun said, but his face didn't exactly say he was happy to assign Ten this patient, in fact he looked worried for Ten.

"Kun? Why are you giving me that face?" Ten asked wearily.

"Listen, Ten... this patient, there's a reason why no one wants to be assigned to him... He's... not exactly the... _safest_... person to be around, so I want to be sure that you want this."

Ten stared at him. _Could this guy really be that bad?_ Ten suddenly snorted.

"Kun, I've been waiting forever for this, don't think I'm backing down" he said sternly.

_Whoever this guy is... I can take him. He can't be that bad... right?_

Kun gives him one last look, one that's asking Ten if he's sure, in which Ten eagerly nods. Kun handed him the papers.

"Good luck, Ten" he said.

"Thanks..." Ten said.

As he walked out of the office, he looked at the paper to see his location and basic info.

_Lee Taeyong,_

_Age: 24_

_Diagnosis: Intermittent Explosive Disorder, Alcohol Addiction, Drug Use_

_Location: Room 127 Neo Hospital, Mental Disorder Wing._

_Current Specialists: Kim, Dongyoung: Doctor; Leechaiyapornkul, Chittaphon: Therapist_

_Past Specialists: Choi, San: Therapist; Kim, Byeongkwan: Therapist; Park, Junhee: Therapist_

_Medication: Antidepressants, Mood Stabilizers_

_Notes: Patient is extremely violent, Frequent episodes_

_Damn, what am I getting into..._ Ten thought as he made his way to the Mental Disorder Wing.

As Ten neared the room, he willed himself to calm down. Room 127 he saw. He stood in front of the door, inhaled, and entered the given code to the room. _Who the fuck comes up with our codes... Kick It? Really?_

When he entered, he held his breath, the room wasn't a mess, but there were broken items laid in a pile. _Interesting_. The walls were made of metal, but Ten could see faint dent marks on one spot. Why is the damage in only one side of the room?

What really took Ten's breath away was the man with brown hair sitting on his bed that he dragged to the small window, trying to look at whatever he could.

He didn't seem to notice him, or maybe he just didn't care.

 _Deja Vu_ Ten thought.

"Excuse me," Ten said, hiding his fear behind his serious facade.

Taeyong turned his head towards him, unmoving, then turned back to the window.

"I'm Ten, I'm going to be your therapist from now on."

Taeyong scoffed. "What? Like the other ones?" he said, slowly rising from his bed and walking towards Ten, looking him up and down.

Ten forced himself to stay calm, ignoring his rapidly beating heart as the man slowly advanced to him.

"I'm fucking tired of this." Taeyong gritted, backing Ten against the wall.

"When will these dumbasses take a goddamn hint" Ten silently gulped, his mouth gone dry, yet he stood his ground.

Taeyong leaned into his ear and whispered, "What do you think you're gonna do? Huh? Change me? I could break you in half, you know that?"

Ten broke into a sweat, assessing his situation.

"Please step back" he found himself saying, thankful that it didn't sound like begging.

Taeyong stayed in his position for a while, before finally stepping back, and going back to his bed, catching Ten off guard.

"You're not going to change me, so just quit now," he said, looking out the window.

"I'm not gonna quit without trying." Ten said. Taeyong scoffed again, it seemed to be a habit.

"The others said that too, you must be worthless just like them" Ten tried not take it into heart.

Through all his studying and preparing for this day, he learned one important thing.

_They don't say it because they mean it against you, they say it because they think they know that they can't be helped._

Ten used this while studying to become a therapist. Others forget that patients are people who are there to be helped. They must tell the difference between an insult and a cry for help.

Ten silently watched as Taeyong didn't move, just sat at the window, his jaw continuously clenching and unclenching.

_Lee Taeyong, I will try... I will try to help you find yourself._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a couple chapters written for this because there's chapters already uploaded on Wattpad, hence the fast updates. Anyways, hope you enjoy!

The morning after the first "session"- If you would even call it that-, Ten didn't have work.

He never liked Sundays, they usually held nothing eventful. Not that it was any more eventful than his weekdays. But now Ten finds that he has something to work for, something to explore.

Ten was grateful the office is still open on a Sunday as he walked into the doors. He greeted the nurse as he normally would and went to Kun's office.

"Kun," Ten said, taking Kun by surprise. Not only because he's there on a Sunday, but also because when Ten usually came in, he would say a greeting that almost always included "bitch".

"Ten? What do you need?" he asked

"I need more info on Lee Taeyong"

"What?" Ten questioned the look on Kun's face.

"Nothing... I'm just... surprised" Kun said.

"Surprised about what?" Ten pushed.

"Just... That you haven't already quit." He replied, causing Ten to snort.

"What? It's the first day! You'd just expect that'd I'd quit? Is that what you think?" He couldn't help the growing anger rising in him.

"No! That's not what I'm saying at all!"

"Then what?!" Ten nearly yelled.

"Because all the other ones quit right when they got beat up Ten!" Kun retorted at the same volume. Ten simply stood there, staring at Kun like he's a ghost.

"Look... I already told you that Taeyong is not a safe person, and that there is a reason no one wants him as their patient. The moment they try, it blows up in their face. The amount of people that have walked out of that room with some sort of injury from him proves how dangerous this guy is Ten." Kun sighed.

"He doesn't know any better" Ten muttered.

"And that makes it okay? It's not worth it Ten."

"Nothing of what he does is 'okay', but walking away after being hit by someone who is _diagnosed_ with fucking IED? That's fucked up, because one, you should've known what you're getting yourself into, and two, because it makes him think that he has problems that can't be helped! He's in fucking _denial_ Kun!" Ten was heaving by the end.

"And you picked that up from one session? One _meeting?_ " Kun retorted.

" _Yes_ Kun, I've studied and worked hard for this, in fact, actually, anyone with _eyes_ and a fucking _heart_ would know. Have you even seen him for yourself Kun?"

Kun didn't reply.

"Thought so. Now please, just give me what I came for." Ten was tired of this.

Kun decided that Ten wouldn't take no for an answer. He opened his drawers and pulled out the right file. As he handed it to Ten he spoke,

"Look...," he started. Ten looked at him. "You're right... I'm sorry okay... I'm just worried, I don't want you getting hurt." Ten concluded that Kun seemed sincere.

"I would forgive you... but it's not me you should be apologizing to." Ten said with a soft smile. He took the files and bid goodbye to Kun, leaving Kun dumbfounded.

****

"Hey Ten!" Jungwoo greeted, running around the counter to greet his best friend with a hug. "Hi" Ten smiled, responding by tightening the hug.

This was usual, Ten would always visit the cafe in his free time during Jungwoo's shift, but it still didn't stop the brothers' excitement from seeing each other. And this time, Jungwoo had been eager to hear about Ten's patient the moment he got the text.

"Is he here?" Ten asked.

"Is who here?" Jungwoo asked, not yet noticing Ten's well known teasing smile.

Ten responded by aggressively wiggling his eyebrows. "LucAS~" Ten teased, a little too loud for Jungwoo's liking, causing, Jungwoo to swiftly cover Ten's mouth with his hand.

" _Please_ shut up. And why do you say it like that?" Jungwoo questioned.

"Cause you say it like that, bitch" Ten said, laughing. Jungwoo opened his mouth to retort but was confused when Ten's eyes darted up and to the right of Jungwoo. Jungwoo turned around in curiosity and immediately jumped in shock, causing him to crash into Ten.

"H-hi Luc-LucAS" Jungwoo stuttered. Ten couldn't contain his laughter, turning red from trying to laugh silently.

Lucas smiled like a giant puppy to Jungwoo with warm eyes, something Jungwoo likes to think the other saves just for himself.

"Hi Jungwoo, I just wanted to check up on you since you weren't out back for a while. Oh? Is this the infamous Ten you keep telling me about?" Lucas asks, looking at Ten, then to Jungwoo with a surprised look on his face that resembled a puppy when happy.

Jungwoo seemed to be looking into the 4th dimension through Lucas, so Ten decided to not wait for the introduction and just spoke, "Hi! I'm Ten." he smiled, shaking hands with Lucas. Ten nudged Jungwoo, hoping to bring him back to Earth from god knows where. Jungwoo jumped again and spoke.

"U-um... sorry for not helping, I just saw Ten on my way there" Jungwoo nervously smiled, though his face formed more of an ugly cringe than anything. "Ah, it's okay, I was just wondering." Lucas said. They stood there like that, looking into each other's eyes and Ten couldn't help but mentally gag, saving the real ones for when they see these dreamy stares that they give each other for themselves. Ten just kept looking back and forth between them, wondering when it will end.

"Can I have my fucking pastry please?" Ten finally said, which Lucas and Jungwoo both responded by sharply inhaling from surprise and turning to Ten. The scene from afar would be deemed quite funny, because it looked like Snoopy and a giant puppy with a small cat.

"Yeah, sorry, just sit down, I have to man the cashier so Jungwoo will bring it out to you." Lucas responded with a smile, though Ten noted it wasn't as dreamy as the one Jungwoo was receiving earlier. 

Ten nodded and said a short bye to Jungwoo, heading to his usual table in the corner.

Ten got out the files Kun gave him and his laptop. He began to read them.

_Lee Taeyong,_

_Case History: Patient came from abusive household. Rehabilitated at age 20 after leaving a man beaten with bruised ribs, a dislocated shoulder , and a shattered kneecap. Alcohol and traces of heroine were found in the patient's body. Has one older sister, Lee Sunmi, location unknown, father deceased when patient was at age 13, mother in jail for money laundering and attempt for rape._

_Doctor's notes: Patient is given 400 milligrams of antidepressants and 400 milligrams of mood stabilizers. PATIENT MUST BE GIVEN MEDICATION BEFORE ANY THERAPEUTIC SESSIONS OR INTERACTIONS._

The rest of the file just said the same as the basic info. Ten grew even more curious about his patient. _What will happen when I start the therapeutic sessions?_ _Does he only not hit me because of the medications are given to him right before? Why did the others get hurt then? What will happen if I'm there when he hasn't had his medications yet?_ Ten thought.

Suddenly Jungwoo came up and served Ten his pastry. "We ran out of the chocolate ones... and the peanut butter, we only have the strawberry one..." Jungwoo is about to hand the plate to Ten, but pulled back when Ten nearly shrieked. "Yeah I thought so, this is for me" Jungwoo smiled proudly.

"Are you on your break?" Ten asked. "Yep, just got off." Jungwoo replied and Ten hummed.

Suddenly a man the height of Lucas came and spoke to Ten.

"Hey Ten! Can I get you anything?" The tall male asked. "Hi Johnny, actually yes, I need something to satisfy my need for my pastry." Ten fake sobbed, which elicited a snort from Jungwoo and a rather forced laugh from Johnny.

"Okay, well what can I get you?" Johnny asked. "Something chocolate _please._ " Ten said. This time there was no response from Jungwoo, but Johnny let out a loud bark of laughter. Ten and Jungwoo turned to him with surprise.

"S-something chocolate! Something..." Johnny realized the awkwardness in the air and cleared his throat. "Right... so something chocolate... we have... cookies?" He nervously smiled. This time Jungwoo cleared his throat. "Johnny, when there are no pastries, you get Ten a chocolate milkshake," He said, smiling, wanting to get rid of this suffocating awkwardness.

"R-right, you're right, I'm sorry, of course you'd be right! I mean your Ten's best friend and brother! You're his brother right? because your father-"

"I'll take the milkshake please." Ten interrupted, glaring sternly at Johnny.

"O-okay..." Johnny said then walked off. Jungwoo suddenly smiled and turned to Ten. "Ten, it's okay you know, I'm over my past, I honestly don't even see it as a part of me." he said.

"I know, but I hate it when people think they can just talk about it like it's some... something they even have the right to say!" Ten yelled, but he would've yelled it louder if Jungwoo didn't shush him halfway.

"I know. he was just nervous I think. He asks about you a lot you know..." He replied.

Ten looked at him incredulously. "Yeah, well the first rule in my books qualify to be a suitor for me is to not bring up my best friend's past." he snorted. Jungwoo frowned.

"You know, The entire 8 years I've known you, you haven't shown any romantic interest in anyone." Jungwoo mused.

"Yeah, well there hasn't been anyone that has done something to really catch my eye" Ten said pointedly. "I'll know when I know, and so far, I just haven't known I guess."

This was true. For Ten's whole life, his singleness just added to his old "empty" feeling. Now that that feeling is gone, the singleness is the only thing that remains. While he isn't a virgin, and he's fooled and partied around plenty of times, he hasn't gone past just a fling with anyone. He doesn't have any requirements, being a pan-sexual may seem like his range of possible lovers is larger, but Ten doesn't see it, because no matter how many people there can be, there's only one person out there that's truly for you anyway.

Jungwoo just hummed, knowing Ten knows what he wants. "Now tell me about your patient!" He said excitedly. Ten smiled.

****

When Monday morning came, Ten found himself ready for the new day faster than usual. Even though the session starts at 1:00, Ten always arrives earlier, just to wake up a bit earlier and prepare his office for nothing in particular. He's ready faster now probably cause he has something waiting for him at his job now, but Ten is faster now nonetheless. He even surprised Jungwoo when he quickly shoved eggs and a piece of toast in his mouth and rushed out the door.

As Ten arrived at the office, he did his normal routine and walked into Kun's office sipping his coffee. "Hi Kun, can I borrow some inkblots?" Ten said. Kun nodded curtly, deciding not to interfere with Ten and his patient anymore until he actually gets hurt. Ten thanked him and smiled, Kun doing the same. Ten went to his smaller office to wait for the session.

****

When Ten entered the code to the room, he didn't have the same nervousness as the first time, but it will still there to some degree.

The door beeped and Ten opened it slowly, peeking before entering with the rest of his body. He saw Taeyong in the same spot as before, by the window on his dragged bed. The room in the same condition as well, although there were a few more broken metal hospital trays added the pile of various broken things.

"Hi Taeyong," Ten said, finally stepping in.

Taeyong didn't move.

"Are you ready for today's session? Ten asked.

"I have some inkblots for today, have you done these before?" Ten asked again. Finally, Taeyong made a response. A scoff, but it was something. 

"Are you dumb? Don't you do your research or some shit? I've had countless therapists come in, you're not any different, so no, I'm not ready for for today's session, nor will I ever be, I don't want to talk to you." Taeyong said. His jaw kept clenching and unclenching, and Ten noticed that he did this a lot last time. _Perhaps he uses it as something to calm himself, like how Jungwoo takes deep breaths,_ Ten thought,

"Okay." Ten simply responded.   
  
_If none of the others worked, then I’ll have to work differently._

Taeyong suddenly turned his head Ten, his jaw clenching ceased. "What the fuck do you mean 'okay'? That's not something a good therapist should do now is it?" Taeyong pushed, but his face showing no emotion, just like always.

"Well the other therapists did this right? And the other therapists clearly didn't work out correct? Well then why should I? A therapist's job is to talk to the patient, and if the patient doesn't want to talk then why should I force them? You're not a dog, Taeyong." Ten replied casually, sitting down on one of the 2 chairs in the other side of the room put out for sessions.

Taeyong just stared at Ten, his gaze unwavering. Ten simply began to close his eyes, resting casually on the chair.

****

An hour passed by, Ten rested his eyes for the first half hour, and went on his phone the second. 

Taeyong however, seemed to have grown more restless, his fists now clenching along with his jaw as his eyes dart from left to right out his tiny window. He turns to Ten.

"Shouldn't you leave by now? The session should be fucking over." Taeyong finally gritted out. Ten mentally smiled, as Taeyong was the one to initiate the conversation. _Even if it's out of annoyance or anger, it is still progress,_ Ten thought.

Ten chuckled, still not looking down from his phone, "Sessions don't have designated ends Taeyong, at least not here. The sessions at this rehab strictly say that the sessions have no designated end. The past therapists you had probably just wanted to get their hours in and left."

Taeyong's jaw clenched, "So why don't you leave."

Ten finally looked up from his phone, his head tilted with an amused smile on his face. "Well we haven't talked yet have we? What did I say my job is?"

Taeyong didn't answer, his jaw and fists clenched and his leg bouncing. Ten knows he knows the answer, but he doesn't say it, so Ten does.

"To talk with the patient. And if I'm correct Taeyong, we haven't talked. So if your question is why I'm not leaving, then my answer is because I'm waiting."

"For fucking what?" Taeyong was going insane.

"To talk." Ten smiled.

****

The same silence continued for a while, and Ten didn't even look at the time yet, so when he saw on his phone clock that it was 4:00, meaning he did this for another 2 hours, he was quite surprised.

He was about to continue his browsing on his phone when a shadow suddenly loomed over him. Ten looked up to see Taeyong.

"Are you ready?" Ten asked, smiling, though he can't deny he gets nervous when Taeyong gets close like this, not knowing what will come.

"If we... talk, will you fucking leave?" Taeyong asks, still not moving from his towering position.

"Well that is what I said correct?" Ten said, although, saying something like this is hard to say confidently when Taeyong's clenched fists are right in front of him.

So, Taeyong sat down, and Ten smiled brightly.

Ten got out the inkblots and started with the first one. It was a green blot

"Okay Taeyong, what do you see?"

Taeyong scoffed while starting at Ten. Ten replied by nodding encouragingly with his bright signature smile. Taeyong sighed.

"I see a tree." Taeyong replied curtly

"Can you point it out to me? Ten asked.

Taeyong scooted his chair forward, and Ten had to force himself not to jump at the sudden loud squeak of the chair leg against the cool metal floors. Taeyong brought his finger up to the paper and traced along the tree he sees. Ten nodded. "I see it."

_A simple inkblot, not surprising, the color even suggests it_ , _but why are there no leaves?_ Ten thought.

"Next one." Ten said, pulling out the next inkblot. It was a purple one.

"Okay, Taeyong, what do you see?" Ten asked.

"I see a butterfly." Taeyong responded.

"Can you show me?" Ten asked.

Taeyong traced the butterfly's head to the wings.

_He's seeing "normal" people responses... but the shape of it dwindles towards the end._

"I see it." Ten decided to give it to him.

This went on for a couple more colors. Ten noticed the same thing was happening. Taeyong would begin to trace what he sees, but the shape of it becomes distorted towards the end.

Ten decided to test Taeyong, and got out the red inkblot.

"Taeyong?" Ten asked.

Taeyong took a moment.

"I see a cherry." Taeyong responded slowly.

"Can you show me?" Ten asked.

Taeyong moved his chair closer, this time Ten not flinching. He began to trace the cherry.

"I don't see it, could you show me again?" Ten said calmly.

Taeyong stared for a moment, a silence between them before Taeyong slowly lifts his fingers and begins to trace the cherry, but not in the same way as he did before.

"Taeyong." Ten called.

Taeyong was still tracing the inkblot.

"Taeyong." Ten called again.

Taeyong's finger trying to find something else that could resemble a cherry.

"Taeyong." Ten called more sternly, grabbing Taeyong's hand and holding it away from the inkblot. Taeyong finally broke out of his thoughts the moment Ten touched his hand.

A silence enveloped them, but a different one, The past ones were filled with tension, restlessness, anger... this one is filled with pure question, a waiting one, a calm one.

"Taeyong, what do you really see?" Ten asked slowly, not letting go of Taeyong's hand.

"I already told you, I see a cherry." Taeyong said, though he didn't sound like he even believed himself."

"So why can you not trace the same cherry twice?" Ten asked.

"I don't fucking know, cause there are multiple cherries!" Taeyong shouted.

"What do you see?" Ten asked again.

He felt something dripping from Taeyong's hand onto his.

He is ready to get hit, he just needs to get this out of Taeyong, no matter what.

"Shut the fuck up!" Taeyong said getting progressively louder. His hand began to harshly squeeze Ten's hand, causing the unknown liquid to smear. Ten forced himself to ignore the pain of Taeyong crushing his hand.

"What do you really-"

"I see fucking blood okay!?" Taeyong yanked his hand away and stood up, hitting the ink blots out of Ten's hand. He towered over Ten once again. "Is that what you fucking want?!" Taeyong was yelling, _loud._ His jaw began its clenching again.

They stared at each other, the inkblots forgotten on the floor. Ten kept watching as Taeyong's jaw clenched and unclenched continuously. He could feel Taeyong's harsh breathing on his face. 

Suddenly Ten smiled. He put his hands on either sides of Taeyong's face on his jaw. He felt as Taeyong's jaw paused and his face contorted into a face that said surprise if Taeyong had one.

Ten gently squeezed Taeyong's jaw to unclench it further until it became lax, the unknown liquid spreading to his face.

"Don't do that, you'll hurt your jaw." Ten said softly.

Taeyong didn't say anything, because he simply had nothing to say.

"Why are you hiding what you really see?" Ten said with the same volume, not moving his hand.

"Isn't that what you want? To see me be normal?" Taeyong asked bitterly, but also softly. This is the softest Taeyong has ever spoken to Ten yet.

Ten frowned. "What I want is for you to find yourself. How am I supposed to do that if you hide from me?"

Taeyong stared at him. they stood like that for a couple moments before Taeyong slowly started sitting back down.

Ten got the green inkblot again.

"What do you see, Taeyong" Ten asked softly.

A pause

"A Knife." Taeyong said.

"Show me." Ten said.

Taeyong began to trace the knife _._

"I see it." Ten said, nodding.

The tree he said he saw before had no leaves because the trunk was simply a blade, the branches being the curved edges of the handle.

Ten got out the purple inkblot.

"What do you see?"

"Broken Handcuffs."

Ten nodded to Taeyong to show him.

Taeyong traced out a pair of broken handcuffs.

Initially, Taeyong claimed he saw a butterfly, but half the body was missing and one wing had the shape of the top of the heart while the other didn't, instead it looped in on itself. Ten sees it now. The looped wing is the unbroken part of the handcuffs. The other wing is the one that is broken free. These 2 things are connected by the one half of the body, which is the chain between the 2 cuffs.

They did this for the others as well, Taeyong seeing something different and something more accurate every time.

"I see it." Ten said, smiling at Taeyong.

Taeyong stared back at him, and Ten could tell that he was wondering why he was smiling.

"You opened up, you showed me the you who got you here in the first place, the you who you want to get rid of." Ten said.

Taeyong looked down at his hands.

"That's the end of today's session, Taeyong." Ten smiled, standing up. Taeyong didn't move from his chair, but watched him head to the door.

Before he left, he gave Taeyong a bright smile.

When Ten turned back to the hallway, he had to cover his eyes and squint from the brightness, having grown accustomed to the dark of Taeyong's cold, metal room. Ten checked his phone and saw that it was 6:00. He also saw that he had 68 missed messages from Jungwoo. Ten smiled, responding that he was at his session, eliciting a blow up of messages in surprise, which made Ten smile harder, imagining Jungwoo's surprised Snoopy face.

He suddenly saw a blotch of red on his hand, having not noticed it earlier. He remembered the liquid coming from Taeyong's hand. When he looked at his own, he saw dry blood on his palms.

_His fists clenching_ , _his nails cut his skin._ Ten frowned, finding a new thing he should stop Taeyong from doing.

That night after a long and excited talk with Jungwoo, he got into bed after freshening up. As he turned off his light his whispered a soft, "Goodnight, Taeyong" with a smile on his face, because he knows no one else is there to say it to him. He then drifted off to sleep, dreaming of traversing through a desert to a jungle.


	3. Chapter 3

**TRIGGER WARNING. DO NOT READ IF SENSITIVE.**

Ten always believed that the cure to any problem one is having is life. For example, if someone is feeling sad, a puppy almost always cheers them up. Another example is that if a child is crying, the parent can give them their stuffed animal and impersonate it to make it come alive. Ten believes that just being near someone or something with life in them helps. That's one of the many reasons why he became a therapist, because God knows he's full of life.

But how do you stop someone from hurting themselves as a habit? Ten struggled with this question for a few hours, lying helplessly in his bed at 4:00 in the morning. While he did have a pleasant dream, he awoke to his bladder crying for help at 2:00 AM, and even after saving it from combustion, he couldn't go back to sleep.

He had been thinking about Taeyong, and how to help him. More specifically, his habits that he uses to calm himself down. Compared to Jungwoo's method of breathing deeply, Taeyong's methods are much more hurtful. His fist clenching causes his skin to break under the pressure of his nails, and his jaw clenching can end in some serious needs for dental work. 

Ten can't just coo at him to stop these habits, although he did think about it. When Ten taught Jungwoo his breathing methods, he used calming words. In Taeyong's case, however, Ten found out that physical help is the way to stop his tendencies. He picked this up after the last session, still feeling the contraction of his sharp jaw under his fingers. 

Ten squeezed his hands to make the feeling go away. _Focus, dumbass_ , Ten thought. But as he stared at his hands being squeezed, it suddenly clicked.

He jumped (read: fell) out of bed and hurried into some sort of presentable attire, keeping his plain white shirt and putting on some black sweatpants. "Fuck." Ten cursed as he fell on his side while trying to put his foot into the pant leg. He then realized he shouldn't hurry, but rather work on being quiet. He grabbed his phone and slowly opened his bedroom door. 

_Of course he had to sleep there,_ Ten thought as he saw Jungwoo snoozing on the couch, hugging his Mr. Cuddles teddy bear plush. Finding Nemo was playing on the TV, illuminating his features. Ten took a moment to squeal at his brother's cuteness, snapping a few photos.

He comically tip-toed to the other side of the room, grabbing his jacket, his wallet and his keys before heading out the door. 

****

Ten laughed at himself while walking through the dark streets of Seoul, making his look like an absolute maniac. He was laughing at how dumb he must look, going to any store that could be open at this ungodly hour.

 _Whatever place is open right now must be filled with lunatics_ , Ten thought.

After what felt like an hour of walking, (It took 8 minutes.) Ten finally found a store open, just a few blocks down his apartment.

It was a 24-hour grocery store called "Utopia". Ten just stood in front of it for a few seconds before entering. 

_I was right,_ was his first thought.

When he entered the first thing he saw was a small man dressed like a minion pulling man's ear. The latter was a tall man with bright orange hair in a long coat that's too big for even a giant. Ten spotted name tags on both of them, surprised that they work there.

"Yah! call me Korea Big Minion one more time! Those'll be the last words to come from your mouth!" The short man yelled while pulling at the other's ear.

 _Poor guy,_ Ten thought.

"But I love you!" The tall man cried. The other seemed to soften, letting go of his ear and kissing his cheek, before smacking his neck. "Then listen." The orange haired man grumbled and rubbed his ear. 

No one seemed to notice Ten's presence yet. On the other side of the store he saw another tall puppy looking dude trying to stack Twinkies and two men arguing, if that's what you would call it. One of them had black hair and was laughing loudly in the other's face. The recipient had long blonde hair- a look that Ten had been wanting for a while- and was just dragging the man.

After dumbly standing in the doorway for god knows how long, someone finally noticed Ten.

"Hello, welcome to Utopia, how can I help you?" A man with black curly hair asked. His smile looked like he was cringing, and Ten wondered if that was just his normal smile. Suddenly a loud singing voice was heard. Ten looked past the man to see a guy casually splitting apples while belting. The short minion guy from earlier came running over to try and stop him from ruining their produce.

"Um... Hi." Ten said, astonished at how calm the guy seemed. _He must be used to this,_ Ten thought.

"Don't worry, this always happens... actually I guess that means you should worry..." The man entered a deep thought for a moment, Ten just stared.

"Anyways!" He said suddenly, causing Ten to flinch. "My name is Seonghwa, feel free to look around, ask me if you need anything!"

The man walked around back to the front counter. Ten had to take a moment to recuperate. _Should I just wait until another store is open...?_ Ten wondered.

When he looked throughout the store, he tried to find what he was looking for. Ten groaned, knowing he's gonna have to ask one of the store workers where he can find it. He decided to go for the most sane one and went to the front counter.

"Hi, could you help me find something?" Ten asked Seonghwa. "Of course! what do you need?" He responded.

"Do you guys have any stress balls?" Ten asked, suddenly feeling weird for asking such a thing.

Seonghwa chuckled, and Ten concluded that _was_ just his real smile.

"An interesting thing to look for, but I'm sure we have some in the toy section, follow me."

Ten nodded, thankful that at least one of them seems functional as a store worker. _I'm way too tired for this chaos._

Thankfully, the toy section was at a quieter part of the store, sparing Ten a from headache. 

"I think we have some... Ah! here we are! We seem to have a few so you can choose! Anything else?" Seonghwa smiled. 

"No, thank you." Ten responded with a sleepy smile.

Ten began to look through the small plastic bags of stress balls. He finally found the perfect one.

 _A cherry,_ Ten smiled.

Ten went to the front counter to buy it. 

"I would like to get this." Ten said.

"Of course!" Seonghwa scanned the item. "Anything else?" 

Ten was about to shake his head when he saw two other things that could help Taeyong.

"Actually I would like these two things as well." Ten said while grabbing the gum and sunflower seeds and putting them on the counter, _For the jaw clenching_.

"No problem! That'll be $3.67."

As Ten was pulling out his wallet to pay, the door opened and a high pitched scream came. 

"Seonghwa!" A man who had long hair with a white highlight in the front came in.

"Hi San" Seonghwa smiled, embracing the other.

Ten's ear's perked up at the name. _Where have I heard that name?_

"Wow you actually have a customer?" San mused as he pulled away.

"Of course! We always have customers!" Seonghwa retorted, an arm still around his waist.

"Baby, someone walking in, seeing this chaos, and walking out doesn't count" San kissed his cheek when he saw Seonghwa pouting.

Ten suddenly remembered where he heard the name. _The past therapists!_

"San? Choi San?" Ten called.

San looked at the other curiously, "Do I know you?"

"No, but I know you. I'm Ten."

"Ten? As in Taeyong's new therapist Ten?" San pulled out of Seonghwa's embrace, causing the latter to whine. "I've heard about you!"

Seonghwa stopped whining and looked at the two, "You've both worked for the same patient?" The other two nodded. "Wow! Amazing!" Seonghwa yelled.

"Yeah, I'm actually here buying things for him."

San looked at the items on the counter and hummed.

"Actually can I talk to you? I have things to ask about Taeyong if you don't mind." Ten asked.

"Sure, I can spare a few." San said, kissing goodbye to Seonghwa, who started whining again and began to lead Ten out to the front of the store. He stopped when he saw Ten looking at his items, about to check them out quickly. 

"Leave them, Hwaseong will watch it for us, don't bother about paying." San smiled, ignoring Seonghwa's pleas. He grabbed two sodas from one of the fridges. 

"Yah! You can't just take from the store!" the short minion man came in yelling again. 

"I can, Hongjoong, I have the benefits of dating a worker!" San smirked, blowing a kiss to Seonghwa, which made the other blush.

"Let's go?" San asked.

Ten nodded.

**** 

San led Ten outside to the patio table outside the store.

"So... Taeyong huh?" He asked, handing Ten the soda.

"Yeah, Taeyong." Ten simply replied.

"How is it?" San asked, suddenly growing concerned for the other.

"He's... interesting." Ten said.

San raised his eyebrows, chuckling at the word choice, "How so?"

"Well, I did inkblots with him yesterday, and-"

"He let you do inkblots?" San mused.

"Yeah, it took a little convincing but we got there." Ten responded.

"Did he hurt you at all?" San asked worriedly, his eyes searching Ten's face for any sign of injury.

"I'm fine, he hasn't hurt me" Ten said, causing San to be surprised. "Why is everyone surprised when I say that?" Ten asked.

"He always hurt people even a little bit, it's expected." San said, his eyes darting this way and that as if he's experiencing the memories again. 

"The most he's done to me is knock the inkblots out of my hands, but it got the truth out of him. I think he hasn't hurt me because his medications, his files say that he takes them before any sessions now." Ten said.

"It's always been that way." San said.

"What?" Ten asked.

"Taeyong has always taken his medications before sessions." San clarified.

Ten went silent at that.

"You must be special, Ten" San smiled. "I hope you can help him, do what I couldn't."

"How did it go for you?" Ten asked curiously. 

"Well... I believe I was the first therapist assigned to him ." San recalled. "The first day I tried inkblots like you did and came home with a bloody nose. The next day I talked to his doctor, Kim Dongyoung, you might have heard of him." Ten nodded, and San continued, 

"I learned about his past. It's dark Ten, I suggest you talk to Dongyoung, he has all records on Lee Taeyong. Anyways, he told me that if Taeyong passed as mentally stable, he could start going outside and having free time. I decided to make that my goal, just let him see the outside again you know?" Ten nodded once again.

"Seonghwa was already against me treating Taeyong the first night I came back. I convinced him that I had to at least try. And I did. I attempted to get Taeyong to do inkblots, to talk to me, to even move actually, he never moved from his little window." Ten agreed with this.

"Eventually he started moving, but only to hit me. I came home with yet another bloody nose" San chuckled, but there was not humor in it.

"I managed to get another chance from Seonghwa before he go and resign me from Taeyong himself. So, I went to the next session, And Taeyong didn't comply with anything I said, the only words he said to me were insults, which didn't phase me of course, it was more so the hits. That night Seonghwa finally drew the line when I came back with a broken nose this time. So... I quit."

"I don't think you understand how much of a surprise it is that you haven't been hurt yet. It's not the medications, Ten, Dongyoung said they do very little."

Ten stayed silent.

"I think... you can help him. I think you can with the best chances out of all of us. Try to get him free time."

Ten finally spoke, "I will."

****

After sleeping for a little bit, and there was light in the air, Ten decided that he should talk to Kim Dongyoung to learn more about Taeyong's past. He figured that he needed to know more about Taeyong, and it's not like he would tell him very openly. He decided that he should know the extent of Taeyong's past before deciding whether or not to talk about it to Taeyong himself, especially after talking to San. His words kept echoing in his head,

" _I learned about his past, It's dark Ten."_

_"I think you can fix him."_

_"You have the best chance out of everyone."_

_His free time,_ Ten thought. _I'll start there first. Let him see the outside._

Ten went to the hospital to see Kim Dongyoung. Ten finds it funny because he's been working there for his entire career, yet he still doesn't know every room in the hospital. Perhaps it's the routine.

"Hello," Ten said to the usual nurse he greets. The nurse didn't find this surprising, cause he does this all the time. What did surprise the nurse, however, is when Ten began to walk toward front counter, rather than past.

"I would like to speak to Kim Dongyoung, do you know where his office is?" Ten asked.

The nurse took a moment, having never really heard Ten's voice say anything other than "hello".

"Yes I do know where his office is, but I'm afraid that Kim Dongyoung isn't at office Tuesdays and Thursdays. His office is in the medical center two turns to the left and one to the right though in case you would like to leave a message?" The nurse responded.

"Not in office? If you don't mind me asking, how does he give his patients medications on those days?" Ten asked.

"Well he usually has the nurses come in and give the proper medications then." The nurse said.

"I see. Well could I have his number? I would like to meet with him quickly." Ten said. He wants to know Taeyong's past before their session.

"Yes just let me go get it for you." The nurse said, heading to the computer and typing away on it. Ten checked the time 

_9:00, I have enough time if he responds fast._ Ten really hopes he responds fast.

Ten was looking around while waiting for the nurse. While doing so, he saw through the large windows the lead outside two patients playing Ping-Pong. _I want Taeyong to have that,_ Ten thought.

"Alright." The nurse said, breaking Ten out of his thoughts. "Here you go, Ten."

"Thank you." Ten bowed and left the hospital, entering Dongyoung's contact and texting it.

 **You, 9:06:** Hi

Ten waited for a response while heading to Jungwoo's diner where he planned to ask Dongyoung to meet. Just as he got in his car, he received a text.

 **Kim Dongyoung, 9:10:** I have a boyfriend.

_What the fuck..._

**You, 9:11:** Sorry not interested. My name is Ten. I'm Lee Taeyong's therapist. This is Kim Dongyoung, his doctor, correct?

 **Kim Dongyoung, 9:11:** Yes.

 **Ten, 9:12:** I would like to meet with you to talk, since you weren't at your office today.

 **Kim Dongyoung, 9:13:** Okay, where would you like to meet?

 **Ten, 9:13:** Kick it Coffee. It's my friend's cafe. I'm already heading there now, I would like to talk before my session with Taeyong if you don't mind.

 **Kim Dongyoung, 9:14:** No, not at all. Heading there now.

Ten finally started the engine and drove to the designated meeting spot.

****

"Hey Ten, You're here early." Jungwoo said, surprised, but excited nonetheless, and went around the counter to hug his best friend.

"Hey Jungwoo." Ten said while hugging him. "I'm actually meeting someone."

"Oh? Does Ten finally have a date?" Jungwoo teased, but his voice had a hint of hopefulness.

"God no, it's someone from work who could tell me more about Taeyong. It's his doctor actually." Ten said, crushing Jungwoo's hopes and dreams that his best friend will finally find someone to love.

Before Jungwoo could voice his sorrows, Ten's phone rang. "That's him, he's here."

"Alright then, I'l leave you to it. Pastry?" Jungwoo asked. 

"Of course." Ten said smiling. He waved and sat down at his usual corner.

Ten looked to the door when it opened, and a bunny-looking man walked in. He had black styled hair and wore a blue and white striped shirt with a badge on it. He had an hombre dark blue and red belt and brown striped pants. _Definitely not him,_ Ten thought, and looked past the man.

Ten was still looking when the bunny-looking man sat down in front of him.

"Hello, you're Ten, right?" 

Ten nodded, and opened his mouth to say he's not the guy he's looking for, but not realizing the strangeness of this guy knowing his name.

"I'm Kim Dongyoung." He smiled.

Ten choked.

After a long minute of Dongyoung staring with concern and Ten coughing, Ten talked.

"You're Kim Dongyoung?" Ten asked.

"Please, call me Doyoung, and why are you so surprised?" he asked.

"Just... you don't look like a doctor with that outfit." Ten said while trying not to laugh.

"Is that what you wanted to meet for? Cause if so I'll be going." Doyoung said, about to scoot his chair out.

"No! No." Ten said, still giggling.

"I have things to discuss about Taeyong."

Doyoung sat down again. "I'm listening."

"What does Taeyong have to do in order to be able to go outside?" Ten asked.

"He must be deemed mentally stable." 

"How does he do that?"

"It's simple, really. He'll come to me and take a couple tests. The usual inkblots, questions, and whatnot. If the results say he's ready, then he may go" Doyoung explained.

Ten nodded.

"I want to discuss Taeyong's past." The atmosphere immediately darkened.

Doyoung scooted forward and spoke with a hushed tone, not in the way that he wants no one to hear, but in the type of way that when someone is talking about something so serious it's almost sacred. 

"What do you want to know?" He asked wearily. He seemed scared just to tell it.

"Everything. I need to know... for Taeyong's sake" Ten said.

Doyoung took a deep inhale, then nodded. Ten sat up more in his chair, suddenly feeling like they're speaking of a heresy banned from society.

"Taeyong grew up here, and came from the richest parts of Seoul, but in the darkest depths.

Taeyong's mother, Park Dae, was one of Seoul's biggest CEO's. Her business, Everglow Enterprise, was a huge fashion and makeup company. She eventually married Lee Sooman, the CEO of SM entertainment. The two had Lee Sunmi, Taeyong's older sister, and 4 years later they had him. Dae wanted to get an abortion, but it would look bad to the public, so she had to keep him. The family seemed happy on the outside, the perfect family, but in the inside, it was ugly.

Dae was a crazy woman, the word psycho has probably never fit anyone more than her. she hated Taeyong, constantly calling him a waste of time. If it wasn't for Sunmi, Taeyong would probably have more serious scars than he already does, he would probably even be dead. 

There were many instances where Dae would hurt Taeyong. People say that when Taeyong was first born, she tried to subtly suffocate him. Sooman luckily stopped her, and believed she just made a silly mistake.

Lee Sooman was never really home, due to his need to be at SM. Dae, however, had such a big company, she never even needed to step foot in her own building. This only opened up more opportunities for her to act on her hatred for her own son.

One day, when Taeyong was 10, he stayed home from school cause he was sick. Dae decided to come into his room and... and..." Doyoung couldn't finish his words.

"And?" Ten asked, making Doyoung flinch. He seemed to forget about Ten's presence. 

"And rape him." Doyoung said.

Suddenly, Ten didn't know where they were, he didn't know that there were tears streaming down his face, he was too lost in Doyoung's words and the pain of hearing them. He couldn't even imagine what the pain must feel like to live it.

"No... No, the files said Dae is in jail for _attempt_ of rape." Ten said, refusing to believe Doyoung's words.

Doyoung shook his head, "Dae was a very influential person, she could get away with anything... and... it wasn't the only time."

Ten choked on a sob. _Stop._

"Taeyong became silent from then on, moving like a robot and only eating enough to survive. Sunmi began to question his sudden silence, as he used to always be the brightest boy. One day... When Taeyong was 13, it happened again, and Sunmi was there to stop it all. She promised Dae with crossed fingers to not tell anyone about it, and continued to cradle a crying Taeyong in her arms."

 _Stop. The way it's spoken, like a book._ _No one... No one should go through this._

"Sunmi told Sooman the moment he came home, late at night. Sooman couldn't believe it, and started looking into his own wife. He found out through a private source that Dae had been money laundering through her business. She illegally sold drugs and laundered it all through her company. Sooman reported her immediately. After Dae's arrest, the cops searched the house while Sunmi was in school. Taeyong stayed home that day. The cops found Lee Sooman dead in his shared bedroom with Dae. He had committed suicide." Doyoung exhaled shakily.

"Why... how do you know this." Ten asked after a long silence. His hands were shaking, tears continuing to stream down his face.

"I met with Sunmi." Doyoung said. Ten looked up in surprise.

"And Taeyong? He's here now." Ten said.

"Yes... Taeyong moved out and moved in with Lee Soo, Sooman's sister, his aunt. Sunmi was 17 at the time, Taeyong still 13. Soo had a piano and some CD's, where Taeyong learned that he had a love for music and dance. He had always seen it, at his father's company, but never got to try it. But even with his new life, Taeyong had never smiled. When he turned 20, he began to drink and do drugs. Sunmi caught him once sniffing in the bathroom. One day he was walking, and he began beating a man up. that's all Sunmi learned from it, she didn't even learn why." 

Ten remembered reading that in the files as well, Taeyong beating the man up.

"Taeyong's family then decided to send him to Neo Hospital after he tested positive for IED... and here he is. 4 years later." Doyoung said sadly.

Ten finally wiped his tears away, recuperating himself. Doyoung did the same, but not needing the clean up as much as Ten did.

"Thank you... for meeting me." Ten said.

"You're welcome." Doyoung said getting up. Ten put his head in his hand, covering his eyes.

"And Ten?" Ten looked up. 

"He needs you. I can tell. You may not realize it, or he doesn't, but... it's you who can do it."

"How do you know?" Ten asked.

"No one has shown more compassion when hearing his past than you have." Doyoung softly smiled softly and left.

Ten went back into his original position, head in his hands, still sniffling from earlier, and closed his eyes. 

"Hey..." Ten looked up to see Jungwoo smiling softly, holding a pastry.

"I swear we don't have slow customer service, I just saw how serious that conversation was and didn't want to interrupt." Jungwoo sat next to Ten, rather than in front.

"Thank you." Ten said, automatically leaning his head on Jungwoo's shoulder. He grabbed the chocolate pastry and started nibbling on it.

Ten closed his eyes. "I have to help him Jungwoo... I can't... I-" Ten's face twisted into a crying face again.

"Shh I know, Ten, and you will, just like you helped me." Jungwoo comforted Ten, stroking his hair like a kitten.

Ten closed his eyes and saw Taeyong.

_Taeyong._

_****_

Ten got back to the hospital for the session at 11:30, after recovering himself and heading to the apartment to get the stuff for Taeyong and back.

Ten had so many thought swimming in his head, and all of them were just about Taeyong.

 _Taeyong_.

After meeting with Doyoung, Ten has a better understanding about him. 

He went to his office and sat down. He stared at the items he'll give to Taeyong

_I want to see him play music, I want to see his face with the sun shining down on it._

_I want to see him smile._

_****_

When it was time for the session. Ten jumped out of his chair, grabbed the stuff, and rushed to the room. He nearly dropped his items too many times to be deemed sane.

He entered the code, but typed it wrong. He had to try another 3 times, embarrassed because his failures are presented with a loud beep. 

When he finally got the door opened, he attempted to open the door with his foot. But luck doesn't seem to be on his side today, and the door was too heavy to open. Ten even tried ramming into the door, but it didn't move.

"What the fuck." Ten cursed. _Was it always this heavy? Should I be doing leg workouts?_

Ten geared himself up to try and ram into the door once again. He stepped back and had a countdown in his head. 3...2...1...

Suddenly, just as Ten was about to ram into the door, the door opened, and Ten met the ground. He thought the door magically opened.

Ten looked up to see Taeyong standing over him. his brows furrowed, in amusement or confusion, Ten couldn't tell you, because that was really just his face when showing emotion.

Ten stood up and smiled. "Thanks."

Taeyong didn't answer, but Ten had expected that.

"I got you stuff" Ten said as Taeyong closed the door.

Ten seemed to be more comfortable entering this room. He didn't realize it, but earlier, he felt no nervousness, instead he felt... eagerness. _He takes the same medications as always, and yet he's_ _never hit me._

Taeyong walked up to Ten.

"They're for your nervous tendencies." Ten said, heading over to Taeyong's bed. "May I?" he asked. Although he's more comfortable, he hasn't lost his manners. 

Taeyong again didn't respond. Ten could see from where he was standing across the room that his jaw was clenched. A sudden rush spiked in him, to stop it as fast as possible. 

But a thought ran through Taeyong's head. He noticed that while they're still standing across the room from each other, this time, Ten is standing by the bed and the small window, while Taeyong stands by the door. Ten smiled wider. 

"Thanks" Ten said, sitting on Taeyong's bed.

"I didn't say yes." Taeyong gritted out.

"Well you didn't say no either, you have to used words Taeyong. A therapist talks, they don't read minds." Ten said.

He patted the space next to him. Taeyong doesn't move.

"Oh come on. What are you afraid of? You said you could break me in two the first day did you not?" Ten smiled brightly, something he can't seem to stop doing around Taeyong.

Taeyong's jaw clenching ceased as he walked over to Ten, sitting down next to him. 

Ten began taking out the items.

"First I have this." Ten hold up the stress ball. "Do you know what this is?" He asked.

Taeyong scoffed. 

"What?" 

"You're really fucking dumb, you know that? How did you even get this job?" Taeyong pushed. 

Ten laughed, causing the other to look at him curiously (His face didn't change at all, but he was curious nonetheless). 

"Well look at me, I managed to get this close to someone I'm told to stay away from. I'm sure that must count for something right?" Ten tilted his head and smiled in amusement.

Taeyong just stared.

"And hey, you didn't even answer my question, so you could be hiding the fact that you don't actually know what this is. Who's the dumb one now?" Ten teased. If anyone else saw how Ten was acting toward Taeyong without getting beaten up, they would probably faint. But if Ten was being honest...

He's not scared of Taeyong.

Not anymore.

Not after learning his past, crying for him, seeing how he hasn't been harmed even while talking to the same Taeyong the others have talked to.

"It's a stress ball." Taeyong said.

"Shaped as?" Ten said.

"A cherry." Taeyong said. The confusion can be heard in his voice if you listen close enough.

"Can you show me?" Ten said, already giggling. He was referring to the inkblots they did the day before.

Taeyong scoffed, but his lip quirked.

"What was that?" Ten asked. Taeyong looked at him

"What was that I just saw on your face?"

"You didn't see anything, you're probably just being fucking dumb again." Taeyong said.

"Did you... Did you smile?" Ten asked.

"I didn't." Taeyong gritted.

"Okay Taeyong..." Ten said.

"I fucking didn't!" Taeyong yelled. Ten laughed

"I didn't say you did." He retorted.

If the room was lighter, if the window was just a little bigger, just to let in the tiniest amount of sunlight in, Ten would see the tips of Taeyong's ears a bright shade of red.

"Anyways, this is for your fist clenching." Ten said. He looked at his fists, and saw they were clenched. "Last session..." Ten began, grabbing Taeyong's hands and opening them, putting the stress ball into his hand. Taeyong stared at their hands and then at Ten. "You clenched your hands too hard, and broke your skin." Ten recalled. He can see the crescent shaped marks in the patient's hand.

"So now, you have your own little stress cherry." Ten said smiling and finally looking up, just to meet Taeyong's eyes. Taeyong looked back down at the bag, squeezing the cherry. Ten saw this and smiled inwardly, although he was doing this outwardly as well.

"I also have... gum... and sunflower seeds." Ten said, pulling out the items as he named them.

"This is for your jaw clenching. I don't want you needing dental help. Of course, I want you to get over the habit on your own, cause this food isn't the healthiest for your teeth anyway, but I think it'll help. Just eat this when you feel like you need to, yeah?"

Taeyong grabbed the gum package and pulled out a piece. He put one in his mouth and chewed slowly. Ten giggled, "I didn't know your favorite flavor, so I got you mine. If you don't like it, I can get you a different one." 

Though Ten wasn't expecting a response, Taeyong shook his head. Ten smiled.

"Taeyong," Ten said after a moment. Taeyong looked at him, still chewing his gum.

"Do you ever think about going outside?" Taeyong paused.

Eventually he nodded his head.

"I want you to go outside, okay?" Ten said. "I want to let you see it. I know you can get there, so you just have to too."

Taeyong stared blankly at him.

"They have a music room here." Ten said. Taeyong frowned.

"Why do you think that matters to me?"

"I _do_ research you know." Ten said.

Taeyong squeezed the stress ball.

Ten bit his lip, wondering if he should ask. "Do you still know how to play?" He decided yes.

Taeyong nodded his head. 

"Then when you get to go outside, let's go there and you play for me, yeah?" Ten said

"I can't go outside."

"You will be able to" 

"No... I won't" 

"Why do you think that?"

"Because... I can't control it."

"So why haven't you hit me?" Ten mused.

Taeyong went silent.

_He thinks he can't make it. If he doubts himself on those kinds of things, how much does he doubt himself."_

"For tomorrow... try to think of your favorite songs." Ten said, standing up.

Taeyong stared at Ten, he took it as a yes.

Ten smiled softly. "Goodnight Taeyong, see you tomorrow."

"It's not night time." Taeyong said.

Ten turned around. "I know, but it will be, and I won't be there to say it to you. So I'm saying it now." 

Ten opened the door and left. His heart beating rapidly as he left.

_Lee Taeyong._


	4. Chapter 4

**WARNING: BRIEF SEXUAL ASSAULT AND SENSITIVE TOPICS, PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE.**

_Ten is standing in a dark void._

_It's not dark because there's no lights, but because the atmosphere is dark. There is an eerie feeling that sends shivers down his spine._

_Ten wishes it was actually dark, because he feels like something dreadful is coming. Something that he is not ready for, something that no one is ready for. He has that feeling, the one you'd get after you've just watched a horror movie, or just did something you shouldn't have, and you're afraid to move forward, or move at all._

_The only source of light in the black void he's in is the lamp next to him, but even the lamp looks like it could come alive and eat your children. Ten walks to the lamp, it's dim, yellow glow lighting up his face, luring him to it like he's a mosquito._

_He examines the lamp, looking at its rusted metal stand and its dusty lamp cover. Ten blows on the lamp, the dust wistfully flying away. Ten didn't realize it at first, but the dust wasn't dust once it left the fabric of the lamp cover, it became smoke the moment it began to fly in the air._

_As Ten realized this, the smoke began to circle him, like a pack of wolves, rather than elegant fairies. The smoke then whisked past him, Ten's eyes following, and presented a boy._

_The boy looked sickly, his brown hair stuck to his sweaty face and the pillow of the bed he was laying on. Ten couldn't see his face, not because of the distance, no, Ten would be able to see it from here. Ten couldn't see his face because it was blurred, like Ten knew this person, but not enough to make out his facial features._

_The boy was wrapped in a blanket that he occasionally used to cough into. His pale lips would only move when he scrunched his face to sneeze. Ten could tell from here that the boy had a high fever._

_Suddenly the door that Ten hadn't seen was opened, and a tall woman walked in. Ten could only make out the faint color of her hair, it was around the same color as the boy’s. This gave Ten the notion that the woman could be the boy’s mother, coming to care for her sick son._

_The woman slowly walked towards her son, the latter not seeming to notice her. Then, the woman sat on the edge of the bed, startling the boy. The boy looked at his visitor and immediately backed up into the wall, curling his sick and sweaty body into himself. Ten wondered why one would show so much fear toward their mother, but he soon got his answer._

_Ten could see through the woman’s blurred face that she smiled, but not the kind a woman would give her son if she loved him. The woman’s smile was the most evil one Ten had ever seen, one that silently spoke a thousand threats._

_She slowly advanced towards the boy, the other letting out a small pained whimper and curling up as much as his position allows._

_“Now now, that’s not how a son should react to his mother right?” The mother’s cold and dark voice spoke, putting Ten on edge. The boy did not answer._

_This response seemed to anger the mother. She harshly grabbed the boy’s ankle and yanked him towards her, the boy’s head crashing against the wall. Ten made an attempt to move, but he looked down and saw his feet covered in black tar. He struggled to move a couple times, but halted his attempts when the mother spoke again._

_“When I speak to you,” She grabs his chin, her nails visibly digging into the boy’s jaw. “You answer me, do you understand?” The boy nodded his head._

_Ten looked at the boy's jaw, seeing it clench and unclench. He suddenly felt a spike in his heart._

_Taeyong… The boy was Taeyong._

_“Good.” The mother smiled her signature evil smile again._

_“You know…” She began. “I always thought you were useless, you knew that though, especially judging by your reaction when I came in the room. And while I’m not entirely wrong, I think I could make some good use of you. You see, your father is always gone, leaving me alone. And while I could just go out and go for another, I’m stuck here because of you” The mom gritted out, her nails unconsciously digging further into her poor son’s skin._

_“But I guess you’ll suffice” The mother smirked darkly. She finally let go of the Taeyong jaw, only to move her hands down to the younger boy’s sweatpants. Taeyong began to scream, but his mother was faster._

_“Shut up, you brat!” The mother smacked her son, shutting him up. She began to untie his pants, Taeyong trying to push her hands away._

_Ten panicked, and used all the strength he had in his body to finally break free from the tar._

_“Stop! Get away from him!” Ten screamed while tripping towards them, the mother now mouthing at the crying boy’s neck. As Ten neared the two, he ran into a glass wall he didn’t realize was there._

_He helplessly pounded on the glass, screaming his lungs out._

_“Leave him alone!” Ten felt helpless, his sobs tearing his throat as he screamed. The mother had pulled down the boy’s pants, her hands now back at Taeyong’s chest, pushing him down. Taeyong was sobbing just as much as Ten was, screaming for his ruthless mother to stop._

_“Taeyong!” Ten screamed._

_Suddenly Taeyong looked at Ten, his eyes pleading for his help. “P-please… help m-me” he cried._

Ten woke up screaming, his cool room suddenly feeling scalding hot. He blindly grabs at his shirt, too scared to focus on getting it off. 

Jungwoo came running into the room.

“Ten?! Ten? Oh my god.” Jungwoo immediately hugged the horrified boy into his arms. Ten couldn’t lower the volume of his sobs even if he tried. His hands were pounding on Jungwoo’s back like he was pounding on the glass in his nightmare, still screaming Taeyong’s name. 

“Sh… Ten it’s ok… it’s ok… it was just a nightmare.” Jungwoo ignored the pain of Ten’s hits and rocked them back and forth, stroking his back. He had never seen Ten like this before. 

It took about 10 minutes for Ten’s sobs to subside, reducing him to helpless sniffles. He stopped hitting Jungwoo’s back, now desperately grabbing his shirt. 

After another moment of silence, Ten lifted his head from Jungwoo’s shoulder, the latter looking at him worried.

“Do you want to talk about it? Get it out?” He asked. Ten nodded weakly, still sniffling.

Jungwoo nodded then got up, Ten following slowly, letting his brother guide him, holding his hand.

Jungwoo took Ten to the couch, sitting him down gently. He turned off the TV he originally fell asleep to and went to the kitchen. After preparing some black tea for them, Ten’s favorite, he went back to the couch. Ten was sitting there idly, staring at the cushion of the couch below him, only looking up briefly to thank Jungwoo and grab his mug.

He would’ve smiled at the fact that Jungwoo gave him his “Mr. Sexy” mug he had gotten from his mother for Christmas if he were in any other circumstance. 

“Ok…” Jungwoo said moving the blanket from where he was gonna sit and handed it to Ten before seating himself. 

“Why don’t we start from the beginning?” Jungwoo asked. 

“Aren’t I the therapist?” Ten joked. 

“Everyone needs a shoulder to lean on and a person to listen sometimes.” Jungwoo said softly.

Ten nodded at that.

“I-I’m sorry I woke you up I-”

“Don’t be, Ten. Never be sorry for something like this, alright?” 

Ten nodded again. He willed himself to begin. Jungwoo sensed this and nodded encouragingly. 

“I-I was in this… this dark void…” He started. “There was… a lamp and I went to it. I looked at it for a little bit, then blew the dust off of it. When I blew the dust off, it became smoke, and it circled me before showing me a boy. And I… I think… I _know_ … that boy was Taeyong.” Ten took a deep breath. “He was sick, and… and then his mom came in, Taeyong pulled back in fear. She… she mocked him, c-called him useless and-” Ten didn’t realize he was crying again until Jungwoo grabbed the mug from his hands because he was shaking.

“And then she grabbed him and pulled him. T-the _fear_ in his eyes, Woo, it… it was like he knew-” Ten sniffled, then started again. “Like he knew what was gonna happen.” Jungwoo looked wearily at that, not knowing what Ten was talking about. 

“She… she started untying his pants and I-” Ten’s face morphed into the most broken face Jungwoo had ever seen on him. “I couldn’t move… I-I was stuck in this… this tar and when I f-finally broke free t-there was a wall. By that time s-she was already o-on him and… I’m sorry I can’t-” 

Ten finally broke down completely. The thought of Taeyong, the thought of _anybody_ going through that made Ten feel like he died a thousand deaths, like he was being eaten alive.

Jungwoo pulled Ten in again, tears were slowly falling down his own face. He laid down on his back, bringing Ten with him.

“What are you gonna do?” Jungwoo asked after a moment, softly patting Ten's back.

“I… I’m gonna do everything I can.” Ten said.

“To what?” 

“To help him” 

****

Jungwoo softly shook Ten awake on his chest. 

“Ten, wake up, I gotta go to work, you do too.” Jungwoo said softly.

Ten groaned and rolled over, thinking he was on his larger mattress, causing him to fall onto the floor. Ten awoke with a start when he hit the ground and opened his eyes to see Jungwoo giggling, peeking over the couch. Ten reached up and lightly smacked his arm for laughing. “Shut up.” 

“Come on, let’s shower then make breakfast, yeah?” Jungwoo asked. Ten responded with a nod and a yawn. He stretched like a cat on the floor and finally got up. “Getting two bathrooms had to have been the best choice we’ve ever made.” He joked, making Jungwoo laugh in agreement.

When he got into his shower, he let the water run down his body while he closed his eyes. He thought of Taeyong. He thought of Taeyong’s strength, the hint of a smile he saw the other day. He thought of what he told him yesterday, about choosing his favorite music. Ten smiled, excited to see him again. After yesterday, he was determined more than ever to help Taeyong, to see him smile and laugh, to see him happy. 

****

When Ten arrived at the office, he smiled at the nurses, got his coffee, the usual, but stopped when he saw San talking to someone who works here. Ten looked at his phone and saw that he had another hour before his session with Taeyong. He figured that was enough time to spice up his routine and talk to them for once.

“Hey San.” Ten smiled kindly. San turned from the person he was talking to, prompting them to turn to Ten as well. They were a man with pink hair, and they were a couple inches taller than Ten (Even though that’s not saying much).

“Oh, Hey Ten! This is new! Usually never see you at the office!” San laughed, and Ten did as well.

“I know right? I usually just beeline to my office, so I guess that has something to do with it.” Ten said.

San chuckled. “Oh! While you're here, let me introduce you to someone! This is my friend, Park Junhee.” San gestured to the pink haired man. The man smiled at Ten.

“Hello! You can just call me Jun, that’s what everyone calls me.” He said, shaking hands with Ten,

Before Ten could greet him back, San spoke. “Jun is a therapist as well, he actually was one of Taeyong’s past specialists, the one after me.”

Ten became curious at that. Jun also perked up.

“Wait… Ten? As in Taeyong’s Ten?” Jun asked, his eyebrows nearly raising off his face. 

“Yah, fix your face ‘reaction master’.” San joked.

Meanwhile, Ten was struggling with the warm feeling that arose in his heart at the words, “Taeyong’s Ten”. It made him feel something, but instead of looking into it, he strongly pushed that feeling down.

“Y-yes that’s me.” Ten smiled awkwardly.

“Amazing! I’ve heard so much about you!” Jun exclaimed. 

Now it was Ten’s turn to raise his eyebrows. “I’ve been getting that a lot, is there some gossip club I’m missing here or what?” Ten genuinely didn’t know. The amount of times people have shown surprise when Ten tells them who he is astounds him. 

“Nothing that isn’t the lounge.” San joked. “But seriously, you’re kind of like a celebrity around here.” 

“More like a Jesus around here.” Jun said with a loud boisterous laugh. “Everyone around here sees you as our hope. The one which revives the flame in the cold one’s heart.” Jun said _very_ theatrically, hand motions and everything. San couldn’t help but agree with a nod and a laugh. 

Ten blushed under the praise. “I-I really don’t get why everyone thinks that Taeyong is this awful monster, I mean he’s never harmed me.” 

“That’s what’s the big revelation Ten. No one has ever managed to _not_ get hit by Taeyong, let alone get a word other than an insult out of him. I talked to Doyoung. He said that when he came to give Taeyong his meds and let him freshen up, he saw Taeyong holding the stress ball you gave him. Doyoung told me he was so surprised by the fact that he didn’t need to bandage the nail marks on his hand.” San mused.

Ten couldn’t even hide the growing smile on his face even if he tried. _He likes the stress cherry_ , he thought.

He opened his mouth to speak, but all that came out was a yawn. San and Jun both comically raised their eyebrows at this, chuckling. 

“You good?” Jun asked.

“Yeah, I just couldn’t get much sleep last night.” Ten said. He quickly pushed down the images from his nightmare.

“Oh that sucks. You know when my boyfriend can’t sleep, he usually takes pills, those knock him right out!” Jun jokes.

San scoffs. “Not everyone has the same case as Donghun, Jun” 

“Hey, don’t come for my baby like that!” Jun said indignantly. 

“I didn’t say that you just-” San’s words were becoming more and more faint to Ten as he began to drift off. His eyes slowly fluttered closed.

“-En? Ten…? Ten!” Ten suddenly stumbled back into his original standing position, suddenly brought back from the land of sleep he wants so badly to be in. 

“S-sorry.” Ten said, embarrassed. 

San chuckled. “It’s alright, I just hope that doesn’t happen to you at your session.” Jun agreed. 

****

Ten couldn’t keep his eyes open. 

He didn’t realize how much sleep he actually got, or how much sleep he actually needed, until he actually arrived at the office. His nightmare seemed to have woken him up earlier than he would’ve liked, and his nap with Jungwoo only lasted about a couple hours, because of their conversation and work. Ten prayed to all the gods he had ever heard of for the caffeine to his him like a bullet before the session. 

Ten sleepily trudged to Taeyong’s room, sipping his coffee on the way.

 _How the fuck did I go from 10 to 0 in the span of 30 minutes? The power of exhaustion,_ Ten thought to himself.

He chugged the coffee at the door and threw it away in a random trashcan the angry janitor happened to wheel by. He did a few jumping jacks to try and shake himself awake. He turned to the door and entered the code.

As he entered the room, he couldn’t stop the smile from forming on his face. Taeyong was looking out his window as usual, but this time, he was chewing gum and was squeezing the stress cherry.

“You like the gifts?” Ten asked, already walking toward him. He gently tapped Taeyong’s legs, asking for permission to sit down. Taeyong simply stared at him, not moving his legs, or his entire body in general. 

“If you don’t move I’m sitting on your legs.” Ten threatened.

Taeyong scoffed, pausing his gum chewing before continuing it faster than it was before. “You know I’ve probably never met someone as dumb as you. Why would you say that to me? You do know I could-”

Before Taeyong could continue, Ten sat on top of Taeyong’s legs, careful not to press his weight on them too much. 

Ten simply laughed at a bewildered Taeyong. “I’m an easy person Taeyong, if I say I’m gonna do something, I _will_ do it.” 

Taeyong didn’t respond.

“So, did you find some songs that you like?” 

Taeyong shook his head after a moment, though his actions said otherwise as he looked down at his stress cherry.

“Alright, shall I share some of mine, then?” 

“I think I’d rather die.”

“What?” Ten said with mock offense. “ _Excuse you,_ my music taste is probably better than yours will ever be?”

“Really? Then look me in the eyes and tell me you’ve never danced to Justin Bieber’s ‘Baby’.”

Ten sputtered, trying to find words, trying to find an explanation like he totally didn’t used to do that. 

“Thought so.” Taeyong said smugly, knowing he’s won.

“Ok I will admit, I _used_ to do that, but I prefer not to think about those _god awful_ days. But I know for sure that my music taste has drastically improved, I even dance here and there.” Ten said proudly.

Taeyong snorted. “ _You_ dance?”

“I’m gonna ignore the fact that that sounded like the most passive aggressive thing you have ever said to me. And _yes,_ I do dance. In fact, I bet I’m better than you. I’ll prove it to you if you let me play this. Unless you want to suggest something?” Ten said enthusiastically.

Taeyong stared at Ten for a moment, before nodding his head at Ten’s phone in his hands. 

Ten smiled victoriously. “Well first I wanna play a soft song. ‘This is I Fall in Love Too Easily’ by Chet Baker.” He said before hitting play.

Ten observed Taeyong’s face as his brows furrowed in thought. 

“You know this one?” Ten asked.

Taeyong nodded.

“Good, I like this song. You know when it’s late at night, sometimes, just to relax, I put this one, with one bedside light turned on. I have a black tea as well.” Ten giggles at Taeyong’s ‘Can you get any dumber’ look. “And I just listen to this.” Ten says, closing his eyes and swaying to the music. 

They stayed like that for a while, with Ten slowly swaying to the music and Taeyong watching him. Suddenly, Taeyong spoke,

“Nothing But Thieves, ‘Lover Please Stay’” 

Ten’s eyes shot open, the smile growing on his face again, despite his confusion. “What?”

“That’s the song I want.” Taeyong clarified. The song Ten had played had just ended as Taeyong said this.

“Okay, I’ll play it.” Ten hadn’t heard this song, not knowing what to expect. From the title, his best guess was a soft song.

Ten hit play, his face automatically concentrating on the song. Taeyong watched him.

Ten found himself enjoying the song. He slowly leaned on the wall, still looking at his phone.

When he finally looked up, he met Taeyong’s gaze. This gaze was hardened, but if you look ever so closely, you could see a hint of softness, but Ten was too distracted to notice.

He felt the exhaustion from earlier settle comfortably on him. Ten weakly tried to fight it, but he’d already tried way too much in the morning, so it finally took a toll on him. 

As Ten’s eyes fluttered closed, the last thing he saw was Taeyong’s face, causing him to have a soft smile before he was encumbered by sleep.

Taeyong didn’t realize Ten had fallen asleep until he had slouched forward into the most uncomfortable position Taeyong had ever seen. Taeyong didn’t know what to do, so he decided to try and wake Ten up.

“Yah, wake the fuck up. What kinda therapist sleeps at their damn sessions?” Taeyong said, yet there was no malice in it like there usually was. Ten didn't wake up however it was useless. Taeyong moved his legs, but to his own failure, the movement only caused Ten to slouch further, his head now pressed weakly against Taeyong’s chest. Taeyong froze. 

He flinched as Ten snuggled into the warmth, not knowing what he was snuggling into in his dream state. He sleepily hummed and padded Taeyong’s chest like a kitten settling down in its for its rest. 

Taeyong felt helpless, as he was practically holding them both up with just his upper body. He squeezed his stress cherry as the weight of them both became too much. He slowly lowered till he was lying down, Ten following on top of him.

Not knowing what to do, Taeyong just laid there, listening to Ten’s soft snores. He couldn’t look out the window because they were too low from it now. Taeyong mentally cursed all the possible gods that brought him there. He wanted to punch something. 

But then, he felt a hand lay on his chest as it weakly moved the sleeping body on top of him higher up, till his raven hair was brushing against Taeyong’s chin. 

Taeyong somehow felt all his anger disappear by just looking at the sleeping Ten on top of him. This amazed him, because usually, when he had just the tiniest amount of anger, it turned into an episode, no matter how many medications he took before. He dropped the stress ball onto the bed without realizing it, and reached his hand up to rest it on the other’s back. He listened to Ten's soft snores and breathing, and his own heartbeat crashing against his ears like waves against the shore. It was calm, this atmosphere, the warmth of Ten spreading to Taeyong's cold body.

In all his time here, he had never felt more relaxed, more safe from his own self. Taeyong usually never slept. Even if he had actually tried to enter his own dreamland, he would only be there for an hour at most. 

So it surprised him, when he felt that sleepy feeling enter his body. One that he hadn’t felt in years.

He had never held someone so close except his sister. He had never felt the need to pull someone close to him unless he was going to hurt them. But what confused Taeyong is how he never felt the need to hit Ten, but he actually felt the need to protect him, to hold him, to make him smile, and to make sure he never loses him. He swallowed his gum, ignoring all the yappy voices he remembers from his childhood in his head telling him that swallowing gum is unhealthy. Slowly, he felt his eyes close, and his arms tighten around Ten.

****

“Excuse me? Hello, did you happen to have seen if Ten has left yet?” Kun asked. It had been 7 hours since he had seen Ten enter the office. Usually, when his sessions were over, Ten would pass by Kun's office and bid him goodnight. But today, Kun had not seen anything of the sort, and he couldn’t help but worry. 

“No, I haven’t actually, I don’t believe he had left his session with Taeyong.” The nurse said.

 _He hasn't? "_ Ten what are you doing” Kun muttered to himself. 

“I’m sorry for the trouble, but could I have the code to Taeyong’s room? As his boss, I think I should check up on him.” Kun said.

“No, It’s not a problem at all!” The nurse laughed as she pulled out Taeyong’s basic files and handed them to Kun.

“Thank you.” Kun said, before heading to Taeyong’s room by following the paper’s directions.

Kun didn’t know what to expect. He had been to every end of the hospital, except this one. As he entered the code to Taeyong’s room, he prepared himself for the worst.

When he entered, however, he was nothing short of astonished. He saw Ten lying on top of Taeyong, snuggling with him. The two were both sleeping.

Kun was bewildered at the sight before him. Not only because Ten is so close to the man who everyone is warned to stay away from, but also because he had heard a couple of nurses talking about how Taeyong never sleeps. 

It was then, that Kun realized that everything he thought he knew was wrong. It was that, or Ten was special. Kun had a feeling that it was both. 

He smiled to himself, watching the two as they shifted slightly. _He needs Ten,_ He thought as he slowly closed the door again.

He walked back to the nurses’ desk and told them that Ten wouldn’t be coming home, explaining the situation he saw, which definitely brought out a few squeals from the office. He then went back to his office to pack up for the night. 

_Taeyong needs Ten._

  
  
  
  



	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! 
> 
> I'm really sorry about not updating! I've just been super occupied with everything going on. A lot of my family members have been visiting from around the world, so I've been spending a lot of my time with them. I also was going to start the chapter earlier, but sadly my dog, Daisy passed away. But I finally updated, so I hope y'all enjoy!

For Ten’s whole life, there was always some sort of noise surrounding him, whether it be a faint hum of electricity, the crickets chirping and cicadas buzzing, even the occasional light splash of rain on his roof. These sounds are always so pleasurable, at least for Ten. 

He believes that the murderous type of solitude is constructed by the confines of silence. 

Sure, the definition of solitude is when you are alone, but Ten thinks this can be interpreted by the human mind, rather than by the physicality of it. One can feel alone, even when surrounded by thousands of people, all because they don’t speak with any one of them, forcing their fears down with silence.

It’s your own brain that inevitably gives into the temptation of thinking you’re not good enough, pretty enough, or even worth it sometimes. 

What Ten despises is that one’s brain is so easily tempted to crush itself with these insecurities, all because of the world it lives in, with the criticism and judgements. That is what truly brings solitude. 

Ten’s sleep was usually always awoken by these sounds. So it would be an understatement to say that he was surprised when he awoke to complete silence. 

His still heavy eyelids slowly blinked open, registering his surroundings. That’s when he realized he was still in the cold and dark metal room that he’s grown comfortable with. 

It’s crazy to Ten how no matter how cold, dark, or creepy a place can be, everyone can succumb to its darkness to find the light hidden beneath it. Ten is too scared to admit the light that he knows is what made this metal room less fearful.

His thoughts were halted by the sound of someone’s soft breathing. Ten looked up from (what he thought was a pillow) Taeyong’s chest to see him sleeping soundly. It was then that Ten also registered the arms tightly holding his waist and the legs tangled with his own. 

For some unknown reason, his heart started rapidly beating, and his ears grew into a cherry red. _What the fuck is wrong with you Ten,_ he thought. He’s slept like this with Jungwoo many times, but obviously they’re close family. What scares Ten is that Taeyong is _not_ family, and he’s reacting like this. 

_Get your shit together._

Ten relaxed the longer he got the privilege of staring at Taeyong in his sleeping form. He looks so innocent in his dream state, like he’s never been harmed. Ten wishes this was true. He wishes that he didn’t have to help Taeyong. He wishes that Taeyong was somewhere else in the world right now, waking up in a house, playing his piano and music. He wished no one had to be helped, that everyone felt confident enough in their own head to know that they _are_ good enough, no matter who they are. But a small part of Ten, the greedy part of Ten, is glad that he was brought to Taeyong, that he gets to help him. 

He would be lying if he said that this thought didn’t scare the shit out of him. 

Ten jumped when Taeyong shuffled, tightening his arms around the smaller’s waist as he changed their positions. Now, Ten’s back is facing the door, shielded by Taeyong’s larger form, with both of them lying on their sides. 

Ten was certain he would die from a heart attack on the spot. He had managed to soon calm his heart, matching his breaths with the man cradling him. 

Now their faces are closer than before, and Ten relaxed more as he saw Taeyong’s sleeping face again, his slow breaths now fanning his cheek. From this angle, the small morning light through the window highlighted Taeyong’s features. Ten couldn’t help but reach a finger up to lightly brush a finger across the other’s sharp jawline. Taeyong moved his head, slightly leaning into the warmth, before snapping his eyes open. 

Ten shook like a leaf in a storm in Taeyong’s arms, the other just staring at him intently. Ten began to withdraw his fingers from the other’s jawline, before jumping at his wrist being grabbed. Ten looked at Taeyong, not knowing what will happen next. _Am I gonna get hit now?_

“I-I’m sorry I just-” Ten stuttered before halting his words as Taeyong laid his fingers back on his face, this time Ten’s full palm was resting on Taeyong’s cheek.

Something Ten hadn’t seen before from the other swam in Taeyong’s large brown eyes. That something faded into another unknown emotion as he quickly released Ten’s hand, dropping it onto the hard mattress. 

The two just stared at each other, not knowing how to approach their current situation. Ten then realized that it's still _just Taeyong_ , before showing his signature smile. 

“Good morning.” Ten said, his other words being cut off by a yawn. Taeyong scoffed.

“You slept for over 12 hours and you’re still yawning?” Taeyong said that like Ten was the most stupidest person in the world… which is normal really.

“Listen, I need a lot of sleep ok? Besides, I got little to no sleep the night before.” Ten retorted, He got off the bed, stretching with his arms to the ceiling which magically pulled him to his tippy toes. He couldn’t help but let out a large groan at the feeling of relieving some of the tension in his muscles that thin ass mattress gave him. 

“And who’s fault is that?” Taeyong asked snarkily. 

“Well certainly not mine, I didn’t ask to have a nightmare about-” Ten stopped speaking, the contents of the nightmare now flooding his mind, like he was just dropped into the ocean with a thousand pound weight tied to his feet. In front of Taeyong, the one who was in his nightmare, the intensity of the nightmare seemed to increase tenfold. 

“-out? Hello? Are you fucking deaf?” Taeyong called out, unamused. Ten finally managed to swim through the dark depths of his own thoughts. 

“H-huh?” 

“What was the dream about?” Taeyong stood up, advancing towards him. 

_Why am I more scared of this Taeyong?_ Ten thought to himself. 

“It’s not important.” Ten said, smiling to try and change the subject. 

Taeyong opened his mouth to respond but Ten cut him off. “What time is it?” Ten asked. He got his phone, trying multiple times to be able to hold its over heated surface. He had forgotten to turn it off… not that he was in the state to attempt to. He saw that it was 7:00 AM. 

Suddenly the door opened, revealing Doyoung and a nurse. A tray was being brought in, and Ten could tell that it was Taeyong’s medication. The two guests in the room were too busy trying to carefully fit the wheeled tray through the doorway, that they hadn’t looked up to see Ten there. 

“Hello Taeyong, ready to take your meds?” Doyoung said casually. He finally looked up and morphed his face into an extremely confused expression when he saw Ten standing next to Taeyong. 

“Ten? What are you doing here? I thought your sessions don’t start till 1?” 

At the sound of Ten’s name, the nurse helping Doyoung also looked up. When she saw Ten, she started giggling. From what Ten has heard around the office, he knows that the nurse will go gossip about her seeing him here. He inwardly cursed.

“Hey Doyoung… It’s um… it’s a long story.” Ten nervously chuckled. He heard Taeyong’s scoff next to him, and he secretly reached a hand over to pinch his side. Taeyong looked at Ten with a face that said, ‘ _I’m gonna fucking kill you’_. Ten responded with a smile, which brought another unknown emotion to swim in Taeyong’s eyes. Ten smiled wider.

“Ok…” Doyoung said, looking at Ten suspiciously. Ten responded with a smile that says, ‘ _I’m begging you’._

Finally, Doyoung let up, turning to the nurse next to him. “Alright, Lisa?” Lisa nodded and approached Taeyong with the cart. 

In all the time Ten has been around Taeyong, he noticed that his eyes convey all his emotions. Whether it’s, contemplation, hesitation, amusement, it will all be seen in Taeyong’s eyes. Ten can’t tell you how or why, but he knows it’s there. Most of the time, his eyes hold anger. 

But this anger, the anger that Ten sees in Taeyong’s eyes right now as Lisa assorts his meds, is much different to the one Ten always receives. The anger that Ten receives is child-play compared to the one right now. It’s filled with nothing but unbridled hatred, the pure want to hurt. 

Lisa finished assorting meds, ready to give it to Taeyong. Ten got the feeling that Lisa has never given Taeyong his medications before judging by her shaking hands. 

****

Taeyong scowled at the meds. He could feel the sudden rage, and he knew this would end bad. Even if he tried to stop it, he knew that it would be of no use. The unfamiliarity with this nurse was threatening Taeyong for a reason even he didn't even know. 

This was gonna be another episode. He could already feel his vision slowly dissipating with black, tunneling in from the pure rage. He could feel the pull of his hand raising, ready to hurt the person in front of him.

He couldn’t register anything, nothing was in his control anymore, his body fully given into the dark confines of his brain. 

But before anything happened, before any damage could be done, his view was slowly given back to him, bit by bit. The black in his vision slowly being fought by the light. When he came back to his senses, he saw Ten.

****

Ten could sense something was wrong when he saw Taeyong just staring at his medications, not grabbing them. He looked at Doyoung. 

“Doyoung, something isn’t right.” he whispered anxiously. 

Doyoung nodded, “I know, I see it too. Taeyong doesn’t do well around new people.”

“So why the fuck did you bring a new nurse?!” Ten asked, astonished. 

“The last nurse quit, Lisa was the only volunteer to help. It’s always been this way, Ten. Lisa knows what’s coming, everyone does, when they first meet Taeyong. The only person who hasn’t been injured is you.” 

Ten stared at Doyoung, not able to respond. But before he could fix his mess of thoughts, he noticed Taeyong. 

Taeyong had his fist and jaw clenched, his eyes looked like they were about to shoot lasers. Ten panicked. He frantically looked around the room, his eyes finally landed on the stress cherry resting on the bed. He grabbed it, looking back at Taeyong. Now, Taeyong’s eyes had gone completely dark, his knuckles completely white. 

Ten threw all his reasoning out the window, dropping the stress cherry and running to Taeyong. From his peripheral, he could see Doyoung moving to stop him, but that didn’t matter to him, what mattered was stopping Taeyong.

He stepped in between Lisa and Taeyong, putting his hands on Taeyong’s cheeks. Harsh breaths were now fanning his cheeks due to their close proximity.

“Taeyong, hey… hey look at me.” Ten called out. Taeyong’s eyes flicked from Lisa to Ten’s face in front of him. 

“It’s ok, Taeyong, it’s ok. I need you to get out of your own head alright?” 

Ten could see the moment Taeyong got out of his trance, his eyes brightening to their original color again, his breaths marginally slowing. His jaw became lax again.

“Hey…” Ten sighed, softly smiling. Taeyong stared at him, the same unknown emotion back in his eyes. Ten looked down, seeing his clenched fists. He grabbed his fists, coaxing them open with the gentle pry of his fingers. 

Doyoung was beyond surprised, his eyes comically wide when Ten looked at him.

Ten turned around, softly slipping his hands out of Taeyong’s. But before his hands lost all contact, they were harshly grabbed by Taeyong’s again. Ten turned back to him, looking confused. Taeyong didn’t say anything, but he didn’t have to, Ten nodded reassuringly and gave Taeyong one of his hands before turning back around. 

“Lisa, right?” Ten asked.

“Y-yes.” Lisa said. She looked like she was speaking to a celebrity, unbeknownst to Ten. 

“I’m Ten, nice to meet you.” he smiled. He was going to offer his right hand before he remembered that Taeyong was still holding it, the tug he received when he tried to move it serving as his reminder. He gave his left hand instead. 

Lisa looked at his hand before setting down the meds and shaking it. “I know who you are!” She smiled back. Ten laughed. 

“Ok, Lisa, well how about I give Taeyong his meds?” Ten asked. 

“Sure! He just needs two mood stabilizers today.” Lisa replied, handing the tablets to Ten. Ten thanked her before turning back to Taeyong. Lisa wheeled a cart closer, the tray on it having nothing but the pill container and a cup of water. Ten frowned and turned to Doyoung. 

“Shouldn’t he eat before taking them?” Ten asked. 

“Taeyong never ate his food no matter how much we tried to get him to. We eventually just gave up and gave him the meds with more water to make up for lack of sustenance.” Doyoung replied, looking at Taeyong.

Ten shook his head before turning back to Lisa. “Lisa, can you please get him some food?” Ten asked. Doyoung opened his mouth to protest but quickly shut it when Ten looked at him sternly. 

Lisa nodded her head, rushing out the door. Ten put the meds back on the tray. “We’ll give you the meds after you eat, yeah?” Ten looked at Taeyong. 

Taeyong didn’t speak, which surprised Ten. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t expecting a scoff. He soon realized it was because of the fact that there was another person in the room from the way his eyes quickly glanced at Doyoung. _Just how different is he around others?_ Ten thought to himself. 

“Now is the time when you usually freshen up right?” Ten asked, although it was more directed towards Doyoung since he knew Taeyong wouldn’t speak. Doyoung nodded.

“Ok, you can do that then, while you wait for the food.” Ten nodded at both Taeyong and Doyoung. Taeyong walked ahead. Doyoung stopped in front of Ten. 

“Since when did you make the rules?” he asked with zero malice in it. 

Ten smiled. “Since you guys didn’t change them.” he retorted before remembering something, his smile becoming a frown. “Hey, how do you trust Taeyong going out like that?” He said, looking at Taeyong waiting by the door. 

“It’s always been like that. When Taeyong gets offered to shower, he never refuses. At that point he cares about nothing but getting cleaned. If there’s one thing I’ve picked up about Taeyong, it’s that he loves cleanliness.” Doyoung answered. 

Ten nodded. He remembered the pile of broken things, how every single mess made in his room is always on one side of the wall. He smiled to himself when he realized that there are no more broken things ever since the old one got cleaned. 

Doyoung watched Ten get lost in his own thoughts, before leading Taeyong to the showers. 

Ten sat on Taeyong’s bed, waiting for everyone to come back from where they were sent to. 

Not much later, Lisa came in with a plate of food. Ten got up, taking the food from Lisa with a smile. “Thank you, Lisa, you can go if you’d like.” Lisa nodded and left. Ten moved back to the cart, putting the food on the tray. As he was doing this, Taeyong and Doyoung came back. 

Ten smiled at Doyoung before his breath hitched seeing Taeyong.

Taeyong was wearing his normal clothes, just some grey sweatpants and a white shirt. But his hair was wet, and a towel was flung around his shoulder. Ten didn’t know why this simple look made him react like that. Actually, he probably _knows_ the reason why, but ignorance is bliss, as they all say.

Doyoung smiled and nodded at Ten before exiting the room, taking Taeyong’s towel. 

Ten, luckily had managed to regain his composure, breathing normally again. “Ok, now that you’re all clean, ready to eat?” Ten asked. 

Taeyong noticed the food and scoffed. Ten smiled. _There it is._

“You were serious?”

“Taeyong, didn’t I tell you yesterday? If I say I will do something, I _will_ do it.” Ten responded, patting the space on the bed next to him. 

Taeyong sat down, and Ten noticed Taeyong is more compliant, only needing to be asked one time to do it. _Progress_ , Ten thought, the smile on his face immoving. 

“I heard you and Doyoung talking, you know, I guess you weren’t listening though. What makes you think _you_ can make me eat?” Taeyong asked. 

Ten laughed. “Well, I know for a fact that you wanted to scoff at me like you did when I first suggested you eat something earlier, but you didn’t because of Doyoung in the room. Am I wrong?” 

Taeyong didn’t respond, eyeing the food. 

“And I have the facts.” Ten said theatrically. “I know you like being clean, so how would you feel if I told you that missing a meal can affect your immune system?” Ten asked. Taeyong looked at Ten, looking quite shaken up at the thought of not being clean. 

“That’s just bullshit.” Taeyong said. 

“Do I look like I’m lying?” Ten challenged. 

Taeyong’s confidence crumbled as he looked at Ten’s serious face. He scoffed and looked away, but gave no more arguments.

Ten smiled, scooping up some of the oatmeal. He began to fly the spoon around like an airplane, making the sound effects and everything. Taeyong looked at the flying spoon, then to Ten. 

“Have I told you yet that you’re really fucking dumb?” Taeyong asked.

Ten nodded, laughing, “Many times. C’mon, this plane has one destination only, and that’s your stomach! Unless you want it to crash on your… newly washed skin?!” Ten asked with fake surprise. 

Taeyong stared at the spoon before hesitantly opening his mouth. Ten smiled brightly as he fed Taeyong the oatmeal. Ten watched as Taeyong chewed the food, slowly. He couldn’t help but coo at the way Taeyong’s cheeks puffed with the food. He quickly shut up and apologized though as Taeyong scowled at him. 

The feeding continued until all the oatmeal was gone, Taeyong now eating the last of his apple slice, having to yell at Ten whenever the other would laugh at him eating. 

“Ok, you finished!” Ten cheered. “Ready to take your meds?” he asked, grabbing the tablets and the cup of water. He looked at Taeyong to see him looking down. “What’s wrong?”

Taeyong shook his head, not looking up. 

“Taeyong.” Ten called, patting Taeyong’s cheek. Taeyong pulled away from the touch, still looking down. “Talk to me, tell me what’s wrong.”

Taeyong finally looked up to Ten. “Please?” Ten asked, putting on the best kitten eyes he could muster. It seemed to work as Taeyong finally spoke.

“They just… They don’t do anything.”

“These?” Ten held out the tablets. 

Taeyong nodded. 

“So… when you take these, you actually don’t feel any different? Not even the slightest?” Ten asked.

Taeyong shook his head. 

It was quiet for a moment before some shuffling was heard. Taeyong looked up to see Ten putting the tablets in the empty oatmeal bowl. Ten saw the confusion in the other’s eyes. 

“Well, if you really, don’t feel any difference, why take them?” Ten said softly. 

Taeyong stared at Ten, the other simply smiling back.

****

When Ten was heading home, he thought about Taeyong with a smile on his face… as usual. He had decided to walk home. He took the bus there, letting Jungwoo take the car, and while he could take another bus, he wanted a change of scenery. 

He had gotten off work earlier today, considering he… _slept_ with Taeyong. Ten choked on his own spit at the thought, looking like a lunatic on the streets.

_Calm the fuck down, Ten. It’s literal, not sexual._

After he finally regained his composure, ignoring the many stares in his direction, he began walking again. He soon entered a street that had little to no one walking there. He suddenly felt eerie, feeling his strides get longer and faster. 

He suddenly bumped into a woman, nearly knocking her over. (He took more of a fall, but he like to think that he didn’t)

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I should’ve looked at where I was going!” Ten apologized. His words came to a halt from surprise though when he looked at the woman. He couldn’t put a finger on where he had seen her before. Maybe he hasn’t seen her at all, and she just looks like someone he knows. 

“No, you’re fine!” Are you ok? You seem more affected than I am.” The woman looked just as concerned and apologetic.

Ten chose to ignore the unintentional stab at his size. “I’m ok, I’m sorry, have a good day.” 

The woman smiled warmly and walked away. Ten found himself looking at her retreating figure. _Why the hell does she look so familiar?_

Ten couldn’t get the image of that woman out of his mind. This would haunt him for the rest of his life if he doesn’t figure this out. It’s similar to the feeling where you have the tune of a song stuck in your head but you can’t find the title of it, or when you watch a movie or show and can’t figure out what other film a certain actor is from. 

He decided to take a detour, going to Jungwoo’s cafe before heading home. He figured some good old coffee would punch the answer into his brain. 

When he walked into the cafe, his eyes immediately searched for his brother. He couldn’t find him and figured he was in the back. 

Ten’s thoughts were quickly consumed again by the wonder of who that woman was. It became his turn to order. 

“H-hey Ten!” Johnny called, a little too _elated_ to see him. 

“Hi, can I get a nonfat Americano please? And a chocolate pastry.” Ten said, not really paying any attention to Johnny. _Maybe she’s been here before? I’ve passed her? No, cause then maybe she’d recognize me. Or maybe not?_

“Coming right up!” Johnny said. He tried to say anything to keep talking with him (Even though though it’s a one man conversation)

“H-hey, I like your outfit. Blue and white huh? It reminds me of Yu-Gi-Oh! You know the blue eyes white dragon? That card is definitely my-”

Ten was too drowned in his thoughts to even be able to hear Johnny. He blindly thanked him, putting the exact amount of cash on the counter before heading to his usual table.

“Favorite…” Johnny said, sorrowfully watching as Ten walked away. 

“H-hey, I love Yu-Gi-Oh. The Time Wizard is my favorite, it’s a gamble to play but it can completely turn the game around you know?” The next boy in line said, walking up to the counter. Truthfully, he didn’t even like coffee, but he came here for a chance to talk to the hot guy in front of him. 

He smiled proudly to himself, as this was the most confident thing he managed to say. He just hoped Johnny could hear him out well, so that maybe they can talk more. 

Johnny didn’t hear anything the boy in front of him said, too immersed in staring wistfully at Ten. He jumped at seeing the customer there, remembering his job. 

“So sorry about that! What can I get you today?” Johnny robotically smiled. The boy’s heart both sank from the unintentional rejection and flew at the man’s heart-wrenching smile. 

Johnny had to strain his ears to hear the man. All he heard was incoherent mumbles. 

“I’m sorry, could you repeat that?” he asked.

“W-watermelon smoothie p-please.” the boy tried again.

Johnny suddenly laughed. “Sure thing, kid!” he said, tapping away at the POS system. 

The boy’s face was as red as the drink he ordered as he frustratedly threw his cash on the counter. (He gently placed it down. He didn’t want to seem to angry) 

He stomped away, plopping down in his seat. 

_Kid? Kid?! I’m 20 years old!_

He crossed his arms with a pout. 

_Johnny Seo, I will do it… I will make you like the great Mark Lee._

****

Ten grew frustrated with the inability to recognize the woman. He drank half his coffee already out of blind rage, standing up deftly when he felt the need to pee. _God damn bladder_.

He rushed to the bathroom, not hearing the various noises that should be enough to warn someone that the bathroom is in use. 

He roughly opened the door, only to be petrified. 

_What… the fuck?!_

He walked in on Lucas planting multiple hickeys on Jungwoo’s neck, adding to the already high sum. Jungwoo had his head thrown back in pleasure, backed up against the wall with his hands tugging harshly at Lucas’ hair. Both of them were too lost in each other to notice the petrified Ten in the doorway. 

“What… the fuck?!” Ten thought again, but this time out loud. The other two jumped away from each other in surprise, Jungwoo especially. 

“T-Ten! What are you doing here?” Jungwoo sputtered, looking comically petrified. His hair was all mussed, his lips swollen and red, and there were a multitude of marks scattered across his neck. 

“I came to the bathroom to piss, because I’m pretty damn sure that’s what _bathrooms_ are for.” Ten said.

The two just stared at him apologetically. 

“Woo, I’m both excited and disappointed in you. Right now, I’m not sure which one is winning.” Ten said, shaking his head. 

Jungwoo nervously chuckled. He tried fixing his hair by running his fingers through it. 

Ten would love to scold them a little more, maybe a bit of teasing, but that all threw out the window when he felt the reason why he came there in the first place. 

“Ok, now I really need you two out, please.” He said, shooing them out like flies. He stopped Jungwoo in the doorway quickly. 

“Don’t think you’ve escaped my pestering.” He said devilishly, kissing Jungwoo on the cheek as a goodbye before shoving him out and slamming the door. He laughed when he heard Jungwoo groan at what he meant.

Ten will never let Jungwoo live this down.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With everything going on in the world, from COVID-19 to the BLM movement, I hope everyone is staying healthy and safe! Where ever you all live, I hope things are looking up for you! Whether you're a person of color, or a white person, please don't ever doubt your rights or your freedom! Like Ten says, don't let your brain give in to the cruel hate and profiling our society holds. No matter who you are, no matter what color your skin is, you are worth it. You are beautiful, handsome, smart, you are anything you want to be, just don't let anybody, especially your own mind, tell you otherwise. I love you all! Stay safe!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for taking a freaking DECADE to update! enjoy this 10,000 word chapter as my apology gift.

“I can’t _believe_ this!” Ten exclaimed, hands flinging around in the air as he jumped up from the bed. He had practically _hauled_ Jungwoo out of the cafe the second he finished up his business, leaving a sputtering Jungwoo and a confused Lucas. They now sat in Jungwoo’s room. 

“How could you never tell me?!” Jungwoo stared at Ten, trying not to laugh while waiting for his brother’s “mad facade” to break. He knew that Ten was more happy for Jungwoo than mad about not knowing his hidden escapades with Lucas. 

The two stared at each other before bursting out laughing. Ten ran from his place, tackling Jungwoo on the bed and laughing. It took a few minutes for the two brothers to gain their composure back. 

“How did it all start?” Ten asked, now lying beside Jungwoo on the bed. 

“Honestly, it was all kind of a blur, one day we were talking and laughing, the next we were making out in the staff room.” Jungwoo said dreamily, before jumping at Ten’s exasperated gasp. 

“Wait, wait, wait, You’re telling me that time in the bathroom wasn’t the first time?” Ten asked. Jungwoo smiled and shook his head. 

Ten whistled. “Wow, who would've thought that someone as innocent and sweet as you would land someone before me?” Jungwoo scoffed. 

“Ten, I’ve lived with you for most of my life now, and I have seen the many people that have come to you for more than just sex, and leave after you kindly crush their heart.”

Ten stared at Jungwoo, before looking away and scoffing. “Like who?” Jungwoo jokingly rubbed his chin in inquisition. “Well, let’s see, where should I even start?” he joked, laughing at the push he receives from Ten. 

“Well I know one that’s going on right now?” He said. Ten looked at him, a silent cue to keep talking. 

“Johnny.” 

“Johnny? From the cafe?” Jungwoo nodded his head, but frowned when Ten shook his.

“What? It’s true! He talks about you all the time!”

“He doesn’t even know me!”

“Exactly! So it gets a little tiring hearing him think out loud about what you would like.” Ten rolled his eyes. 

“But seriously Ten, Johnny is actually a really nice guy, you should give him a chance.” 

Ten noticed that Jungwoo is really keen on matching Ten with someone, and while he appreciates the care, he really doesn’t know how to tell him that all his efforts are futile. 

“I’m not going to give anyone false hopes.” Ten responded. 

From what he had seen, Johnny seemed like a nice guy, if you ignore the time when he blatantly talked about Jungwoo’s past in his face, something which Jungwoo has surely forgotten, and something Ten can’t seem to forget. 

“Well you’re giving him false hopes already.” 

“How?” 

“Ordering from him.” 

“I don’t even talk to him?” 

“Doesn’t matter! That guy will take anything from you at this point.” 

“Well tell him I’m not interested or something.” 

“You do that! Why me?!” Jungwoo said. 

Ten laughed at Jungwoo’s pouting face. He managed to deflect the pillow that was thrown at him. 

After another intense pillow fight, Jungwoo spoke, “So, how’s it going with Taeyong.” Ten couldn’t help but smile at just hearing the name. Jungwoo seemed to notice. 

“Spill!” he yelled. 

Ten bit his lip trying to conceal the bubbling excitement. “It’s going great, I really think there’s progress going on.”

Ten never really knew Taeyong before, he had only known of him. Ten thinks these are two different things. You could know of someone, maybe you’ve just heard of them, or asked someone yourself about their past or present. But you could never know the true them, until you’ve heard from them. 

For Taeyong, Ten got nothing but warning signs. He was told to stay away from him, quit from his case, and avoid him, because he was troubled. But after spending time with Taeyong, even if it isn’t the ideal amount of time to truly know someone, Ten now has more of an idea of who Taeyong is.

“Well that’s good.” Jungwoo said, and Ten nodded in agreement. 

“You know,” Jungwoo began, “I’ve never seen you like this before.” he pointed out. 

Ten scoffed, “What? Actually doing something in my career for once?” 

Jungwoo shook his head and softly said, “No. I mean I’ve never seen you this… bright. You’re practically glowing. And that’s saying a lot, because you’re usually bubbly anyway.”

Ten stared for a moment, before speaking with a smile. “I have a reason to be this way.” 

**** 

The next two months passed by rather quickly, probably the quickest two months in Ten’s whole life. Maybe it’s because he has something now, he has a job, a goal he must reach. 

The sessions with Taeyong have been going well, so well that Ten walks out of the room with a wide ass grin actually. They usually consisted of them listening to music, talking about nothing and everything about the stupidest stuff. Most of the time it was Ten doing the talking, but when Taeyong spoke, Ten couldn’t help but feel something in his chest, and hear something in his ears. 

He doesn’t even think of Taeyong as his patient, rather his friend. He doesn't know if Taeyong would exactly approve of the term however, so Ten keeps that as his little secret. While he isn’t able to go outside yet, he had been talking with Doyoung about it. 

Doyoung said he was making great progress, having received significantly less complaints about Taeyong. 

Ten couldn’t help but feel a bubbling sense of warmth whenever Taeyong would look at someone other than Ten in the eyes, no matter impassive or intense his stare is. 

What Ten can’t wait to see, is Taeyong’s reaction when he tells him that he can go outside, out of his clammy little room. He can’t wait to see his skin be kissed by the sun, like two old friends torn away from each other and reunited again. 

Sure, he can’t leave the hospital, but even the thought of Taeyong walking on ground other than the cold concrete of his room and the halls to the shower was never even considered before by the patient himself.

He thinks about these things as he heads to the cafe on a Saturday. 

He has no reason for going, he just wanted to get out of the apartment. 

He groaned as he saw the ridiculously long line, nearly going out the door. 

He decided that maybe Jungwoo would sneak him a drink or something, if he wasn't getting his face eaten off by Lucas. 

The two had officially become a couple now, and Ten had never seen his brother so lively and happy. Lucas seemed like he really loved and cherished Jungwoo, that being clarified for Ten after a certain encounter with the giant puppy. 

“ _Why did you call me here Lucas? I told you Jungwoo wasn’t with me.” Ten said as he walked into the other’s apartment._

_It was about the size of his and Ten’s but instead of another bedroom, there’s a gaming room._

_“That’s exactly why I called you here. I need your help.” Lucas said, hurrying to close the door._

_His hair looked dishevelled, like he couldn’t figure out how he wanted to style it, and his dress shirt was wrinkled and unbuttoned, revealing a white tank top._

_Ten opened his mouth to question further before he saw the state of the place. There were clothes strewn across everything, dead flowers and burnt out candles sat everywhere, in the most random places. It reeked of cologne and a mix of different candle fragrances._

_“It looks and… smells like a romcom took a giant shit in here.” Ten said, pulling the neck of his shirt up to cover his nose from the interesting but nasty smell._

_“Is it that bad?” Lucas said, looking terrified._

_Ten scoffed. “Lucas, I can’t even see the fucking floor!”_

_Lucas shakily sighed. “I really, really need your help.”_

_“What you need is a cleaning crew and a new brand of cologne.” Ten said._

_“I was trying to set up a romantic place for when Jungwoo comes over tonight. I was planning to confess.”_

_“Well, I’m not sure if Jungwoo finds a tragic murder scene from a Shakespeare poem romantic but it’s an interesting approach.” Ten said sarcastically._

_“Would you quit goofing around? I’m really trying here!” Lucas said with a pout as he plopped down on the sofa, wrinkled roses in his hand._

_Ten slowly but cautiously pulled his shirt away from his nose, automatically regretting the action. He decided he’d eventually get used to the ratchet smell and sat next to Lucas with a crinkle nose._

_“I’m really trying to impress him tonight, but I have no fucking clue how I should pretty up the place. I don’t even know what his favorite flowers are, and I panicked and pushed a whole shelf of candles into my shopping cart earlier.”_

_Lucas said with a hand running through his hair. He huffed and leaned his head completely back, closing his eyes._

_Ten took a moment to pity him before speaking._

_“Lucas, you really don’t need to do all this, Jungwoo is already head over heels for you. All you need to do is walk up to him, say you like him, give him a moment in the bathroom to squeal his lungs out, and then he’s officially your boyfriend.”_

_“You’re sure he likes me that way?” Lucas said with giant, hopeful puppy eyes. “Lucas, you guys make out every shift, and I have to be the one listening to his dreamy sighs before I finally satisfy him and let him ramble about how good you kiss, or how strong you are.”_

_Lucas looks out into space with a smile on his face, clearly happy about what he’d just heard. It took a couple snaps and a shout in his ear to finally break out of his reverie._

_“I wish I had known that before I spent my weekly pay on all this stuff.” He said, smiling down at the dead rose in his hand._

_“I’ll help you clean this all up if you’d like?” Ten said with a chuckle._

_“Yeah that’d be great thanks.” Lucas smiled, standing up to start. “Oh and one more thing.” Ten said, prompting Lucas to turn to him._

_“You really need a new cologne.” Ten said, shaking his head._

_“But it’s Gucci!”_

_“Gucci coochie! It smells like shit!” Ten responded._

Now the two are glued to each other by the hip.

Ten can’t tell if he enjoys hearing the constant rants about how perfect Lucas is. While he hates his ears being talked off, he enjoys hearing about how happy his brother is. 

Ten walks around the line, apologizing when he bumps into a boy holding a watermelon smoothie. 

He comes to the other side of the counter, bending over it trying to find Jungwoo. 

After muttering a few curses under his breath, looking at the dreadfully long line. I wish people hated coffee, he thought with a frown. 

“Ten!” His face morphed into confusion as he looked around, trying to find who called his name. 

He sighed when he saw it was Johnny. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt him, or anybody, but he knew he’d have to do it. 

“Hey Johnny.” Ten said with a smile. 

“Do you need help with something?” Johnny said. C’mon Johnny, you got this he thought to himself. 

“Yeah, actually I was looking for Jungwoo, is he here?” Ten asked. 

“Yeah, Lucas called for him a second ago in the bathroom, said the toilet got clogged.” He replied. 

Ten rolled his eyes, knowing that the toilet wasn’t clogged. The only thing that needed fixing was their hormonal needs. “Great, thanks Johnny.” Ten said, starting to walk away. 

“H-hey! Maybe we could go-” Johnny stopped talking when he saw that Ten had disappeared. He had started arranging the muffins to seem like he was actually working, and hadn’t seen him go. 

“Goddammit.” Johnny muttered to himself. 

He went back to arranging the muffins. 

**** 

Come on Mark, you got this. 

The boy said as he stood up from his seat, sipping on his watermelon smoothie. 

His eyes were locked onto Johnny’s tall form like a laser, who was putting whipped cream on a frappe. 

He attempted to beeline towards him before someone bumped into him, nearly spilling his smoothie. He was about to yell at them but stopped as they bowed and apologized with a smile, walking off.

Mark was too nice of a person to yell like that. His mom always told him not to yell if they sincerely apologize. 

He huffed and continued walking towards his crush before stopping when he saw the man who had bumped into him talking to Johnny. His Johnny. 

What’s his relationship with the guy? Mark asked himself. All his spirits were crushed under the foot of this stranger.

He shook his head, regaining his confidence. They could be just friends. 

Come on Mark. He saw that the stranger was walking away, and started advancing toward his crush again. 

“Hey.” He said, but he only mouthed it. 

Johnny continues arranging the muffins, still looking down. 

“What up.” Mark tried again, but it still only came out as a whisper. 

He stood there like that for around a minute before, Johnny noticed him himself. 

“Hey, can I help you with something?” Mark jumped so hard, his smoothie nearly splashed out of the cup. He had been too focused on trying to speak louder. 

“Y-yeah.” “What do you need?” Johnny said with a kind smile. 

Okay Mark, Come on. All you gotta do is ask for his number. He took a deep breath, and spoke on his exhale. 

“W-watermelon smoothie.”

_Are you fucking kidding me?_

Johnny laughed, pointing at the cup in Mark’s hands. “You have one right there?”

Mark sighed. “Nevermind, thanks.” He said dejectedly, he turned around, about to walk away before he heard Johnny calling after him. 

“Wait! I can get you a muffin?” Johnny said, holding out a chocolate chip one. 

Mark stood there, processing that his _crush_ just offered him a _muffin_. _That’s basically asking for my love!_

Mark grabbed the muffin with his hand shaking from excitement. He began reaching into his pockets for some cash, before looking up when Johnny stopped him.

“Just take it, on the house, but don’t tell anyone, yeah?” Johnny said with a smile and a wink. 

Mark tried not to die on the spot, just barely succeeding. 

“Th-Thank you.” He said with a wide grin before running away with a skip in his steps.

Johnny watched the boy skipping away. _Cute_ , he thought.

**** 

Ten sighed walking away from the counter. He needed to go stop Lucas’ and Jungwoo’s little makeout session. 

He didn’t make it to the bathroom however, as he heard a woman call for him. “Excuse me?” Ten turned to the woman, his eyes widening as he saw who it was. It was the person he had bumped into on the street, the one he couldn’t stop thinking about who she was, or who she looked like. “Is your name Ten?” She asked. 

Ten was taken aback on how she knew his name. “Yes, that’s me.” He responded. 

The woman laughed, seeing Ten’s confused expression. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to scare you, I overheard your name from where I was sitting. I have been looking for you.”

“You have?” Ten asked. He didn’t know if he should run or not.

“Yes, my name is Sunmi, Lee Sunmi.” She said with a small smile. 

Ten inhaled shakily, stepping back a little bit. It all clicked into place as he looked at her again, but in a new light, a new perspective. 

He remembers seeing her face on one of Taeyong’s files. He remembers hearing Doyoung speaking the name, and feeling like he’ll never see this person, or anyone from Taeyong’s past. 

But here he finds himself standing, in front of the only person left who really cared for Taeyong in his past, the one who held him when he was broken, piecing him back together just enough to live. 

“L-Lee Sunmi? You’re Lee Taeyong’s sister?” Ten asked.

Sunmi’s eyes seemed to spark at the sound of Taeyong’s name rolling off Ten’s tongue. Something Ten couldn’t quite place, because it sat in between hope and remorse. 

“Yes, yes I am.” Sunmi said after a moment. 

After another, she spoke again. “I’ve looked everywhere for you, and I’ve had so much time to think about what I could say to you, but now, I can’t seem to remember anything I could’ve come up with.” Sunmi said with a nervous chuckle. 

Ten responded with a chuckle as well, but a silent one through his nose, covered by a soft smile. He can sense the other’s nervousness, which oddly comforted him greatly. 

“Why don’t we talk somewhere then? I’d love to speak with you.” Sunmi let out a sigh of relief, nodding with the same smile as Ten’s.

**** 

Ten studied Sunmi’s features as they sat in a comfortable silence at a table outside the cafe. 

It’s amazing how once you figure something out, whether it be an answer to a riddle, or a remembrance of something, you feel so silly for not seeing it before, as it all becomes so obvious once revealed. 

He marvels at the thought as he sees the uncanny resemblance between Sunmi and Taeyong. Like Taeyong, Sunmi has brown hair with chocolate brown eyes. Her lips are thin but at the same time hold just the right amount of volume in them. While Taeyong is handsome, Sunmi is beautiful. 

“So, What did you want to talk to me about? I’m assuming it’s about Taeyong?” Ten asked. 

Sunmi cleared her throat and nodded. “I’m sure you know who Doyoung is?” 

“Of course.”

“Yes, well, Doyoung has been keeping me up with Taeyong from the first time he set foot in Neo Hospital. After hearing about how many people got hurt by him, I started to lose hope.” 

Sunmi looked down while clearing her throat, trying to stop an onslaught of tears. 

“I-I… hate myself, for leaving him like that, sending him to that hospital, that godforsaken room, no matter how needed it was. It’s all my fault he’s there, and it’s my fault for all the people he’s hurt.” 

Ten shook his head, reaching over the table to grab onto Sunmi’s hand. Sunmi looked up with glassy eyes. 

“Sunmi, don’t ever think what you did is wrong, and especially don’t put yourself down for it.” Sunmi nodded, continuing what she was saying earlier.

“I heard from Doyoung though, about a month ago, that you were his therapist, and you’ve been making progress with him.” Ten nodded. “It… It gave me hope… hope that Taeyong will get better, that I’ll be able to see him again.” 

Ten felt a pang in his chest. _How long has she been wishing to see her brother? How long has she been hoping to say all these words to him?_

“I guess, I came to thank you, and to say that I really hope you can help him.” Sunmi finished. 

“Sunmi,” Ten started. “When Taeyong sees you again, what will you say to him?” 

Sunmi was taken aback by the question, clearly not expecting to be asked that. 

She took a few breaths, before responding. “I… I’d tell him I’m sorry, that I left him alone, that I couldn’t be there for him all time. And… I’d tell him I love him. When I’d comfort Taeyong, he’d always apologize, just for living, and it broke my heart. No matter how many times I told him that I wouldn’t trade him for the world, or I couldn’t wish for a better sibling, his brain had already taught him the opposite.” Sunmi didn’t attempt to wipe the tears off her face, only looking at the table in front of Ten, too lost in her thoughts. 

“Sometimes, our brains tell us something that can't be changed.” Ten said, blinking back tears himself. Taeyong. Sunmi nodded, still looking down. “But they can be overruled. It’s still there, but it’s being ignored, pushed aside. You just have to shine a light on something else.” 

“How?” Sunmi asked. 

“By being there.” Ten said with a smile. 

“By being there, they’re not alone. Loneliness is the thing that inevitably kills us. It leads to the worst thoughts, the thoughts that no one cares about them, the thoughts that no one wants them there. Eventually, they’ll ignore the bad thought for so long, it’ll disappear.” 

Sunmi looked down. “I should’ve been there more.” Ten stared at Sunmi before grabbing her hand again and speaking. 

“It’s not your fault, Sunmi, if anything, you saved him. It’s the ill-intended people who’re at fault. You brought him away from them, you’ve already shown light on something else, and that’s what he needed.”

Sunmi looked at Ten, laughing through her tears with a hopeful glint in her eyes.

“Thank you, Ten. Thank you.” 

Ten smiled and nodded. “He’ll see you again, I promise.” 

**** 

Ten was heading back to his apartment when he got a call from Doyoung.

He looked at it in confusion before answering the call. 

“Hello?” 

“Hey Ten, it’s Doyoung.” 

“Yep, I read the caller ID.” Ten mocked. He laughed when he heard Doyoung huff on the other line. 

“ _Anyways_ , I need you to come to the hospital, we need to talk. About Taeyong.” 

At the mention of Taeyong, Ten immediately threw every intention to tease Doyoung out the window. 

It’s been like that, at the mere mention of Taeyong, Ten seems to drop everything he’s doing. Maybe it’s because Taeyong is his first patient, or because he’s an outcast. 

Or maybe, it’s something Ten doesn’t want to see, or _feel. He’s a good friend,_ Ten thought, shaking his head. 

“Hello? Ten? You there?” Doyoung called out. 

Ten jumped, forgetting he wasn’t alone with his thoughts. 

“Y-yeah… yeah I’m on my way.” Ten said, hanging up the phone. He didn’t know what would happen, he never knows what will happen when it comes to Taeyong. 

****

Doyoung was waiting for Ten in front of the check-in counter when he arrived. He gave a curt nod before leading them to his office.

Ten couldn’t stop from looking down the hallway that holds a little room. 

A dark and cold one, with floors made of metal instead of a fluffy carpet or nice wood floors. A bed with a thin mattress that is as comfy as lying on the ground instead of a luxury king-sized one. 

And yet, Ten’s eyes held longing, because that hallway that holds a cold little room holds a warm little place in Ten’s heart. 

_Fuck weekends_ , he thought, as he finally managed to tear his eyes away, and caught up with Doyoung. 

Doyoung gestured to a chair across from his desk once they walked in. 

After a moment of settling in, Doyoung spoke. “I was looking at Taeyong’s progress, which I must say is tremendous thanks to you. But I know your goal as of right now is to get him to be able to go outside, correct?” 

Ten nodded. “I know he can do it.” 

Doyoung didn’t nod, nor say anything at all, and Ten grew anxious. “You think he can’t?” The doctor sighed. 

“Ten… I need Taeyong to be able to open up about his past, in order to allow him any access to the outside.” 

Ten frowned, trying hard to stop the wave of emotions from breaking the surface. 

“Wha- I… I thought he just had to do some simple tests?” 

Doyoung nodded. “The tests that are appropriate to determine whether the patient is mentally stable, yes. Taeyong has severe trouble preventing his episodes when his past is brought up, and that lack of control is just too dangerous.” 

“What do you want me to do? I-I can’t do that to him!” Ten felt helpless. _We were so close_. 

“I’m afraid you have to, or else I won’t be able to clear him.” Ten looked down, trying to blink away his tears. 

Doyoung gave him the room for a moment, letting him drown in his tears and his thoughts. “The part that triggers him most is his father, so I need you to start there, that’ll break the ice, and everything else will come out.” Doyoung said, his eyes showing sympathy. 

Ten never looked Doyoung in the eyes. “Ten… I don’t wanna do this to him either, but in order for him to go outside, it’s do this or keep him in the room.” 

Ten sniffed aggressively and wiped a lone tear that escaped his eye. His eyes shot up to Doyoung so intensely that the doctor was taken aback. 

“Okay… okay I’ll… I’ll think about it.” He said, rushing out of the room as soon as the last word came out of his mouth. 

Doyoung sat in silence, sympathy, and stillness, remembering Ten’s words. 

**** 

Ten was rushing out of the hospital, feeling suffocated by its walls. 

He rushed by Kun, wondering what he was doing there in the first place, he ran by the nurses wondering what was going on, and halted at the hallway. 

He looked down the corridor, wanting nothing but to run into the confines of the room. His feet made their moves further down before he stopped himself. 

_I can’t, I haven’t decided yet_.

And with that thought, he rushed through the hospital with his head down, deftly opening the door and running. 

Once he felt like he could breathe again, no longer near the stifling hospital, he stopped in an alleyway. 

He leaned against the wall, tipping his head back against the rough concrete. He waited for his breath to normalize, before sliding down the wall. It was then that he let everything go, his sobs wracking his body. 

He held his head in his hands, everything he’d been talking to Taeyong about flooding back to his mind. 

_It had been a month, and listening to music with Taeyong had become a normal thing, a comfortable thing, and one of Ten’s favorite things._

_They had just finished a song, the two sitting in a comfortable silence as usual. Ten didn’t know when any silence with Taeyong became “comfortable”, but he doesn’t mind it one bit._

_“Taeyong, I found this song the other day.” Ten said as he hit play._

_Taeyong listened to the song and nodded. “I know this song.”_

_“You do?”_

_“Yeah, it’s River Flows in You by Yiruma.” he responded._

_“Oh well, I wanted to ask you if you knew how to play it.”_

_Taeyong stared for a second, something he always seemed to do with Ten, before nodding._

_Ten gasped happily. “You do?!”_

_A nod again._

_“Then play it for me soon, yeah?”_

_Taeyong opened his mouth to protest, before Ten gave him a look that said not to doubt himself. and nodded._

_Whenever Ten would bring up Taeyong going outside, the patient was always quick to say it’ll never happen. It took a while to get Taeyong to think that there’s even the littlest chance that he’ll ever be able to go outside, but eventually, after countless hours of Ten encouraging Taeyong over and over again, he has a little bit of hope for himself._

_“Good, I’m excited.” Ten said, with a smile that lit up the dark room for a few moments._

_Taeyong looked into Ten’s eyes. “I am too.”_

_Ten was taken aback at first by the statement, and he knew Taeyong could see it in his eyes._

_His face soon went from surprise to a somehow brighter smile though as he threw himself onto Taeyong for a hug._

_He could hear a shaky breath of surprise from Taeyong, before feeling a hand gently lying itself on his back. His grip on the other only tightened._

Ten pulled his knees up to his chest, resting his arms on them, the sobs still tearing through him. 

_He needs this, and he wants it._

**** 

Ten trudged himself back home, only deciding to after receiving several calls from a very worried Jungwoo.

When he opened the door, he saw Jungwoo on the couch staring off into space worriedly before nearly snapping his neck to Ten after hearing the door open. 

Ten stood still as Jungwoo got up and ran to him. His brother pulled him into a tight hug and lifted him up due to their height difference. “Oh my god Ten I was so worried! You weren’t answering my calls! Where have you been?!” Ten slowly lifted his hands to rest on Jungwoo’s back, still in a daze. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be sorry Ten, I’m just glad nothing happened to you or something.” 

“I’m sorry.” Ten said again. 

Jungwoo grew confused. He hadn’t realized that Ten wasn’t apologizing to him until he spoke again. 

“I’m so sorry. Taeyong, I’m so sorry.” Ten said, as he gripped Jungwoo’s shirt and started to break down again. Jungwoo lifted his head to look at Ten. 

“Ten, what’s wrong? You wanna talk about it?” 

Ten nodded. 

They ended up just like they did when Ten had his nightmare, sitting across from each other on the couch with mugs of tea in their hands. 

Jungwoo gave Ten the time he needed to find his words, something he was always so grateful for when Ten let him do the same back then. He nodded encouragingly and sincerely when Ten looked into his eyes. Ten began to speak. 

“Doyoung wants me to talk to Taeyong about his past. H-he said that’s the only way Taeyong can get cleared to go outside, and it kills me, knowing we were so close, so close.” 

“Can’t you just bring it up? Get Taeyong to learn how to cope with his past? Surely, not all your progress has gone to waste.” 

Ten shook his head. “Taeyong gets episodes when his past is brought up, that’s why he needs to learn how to prevent them before getting cleared. But I can’t do that to him, Woo. His past is so dark, I never mention it to him. And to drop all that on him now? It would just ruin everything.” 

Jungwoo nodded in understanding. “But Ten, his past is also something that needs to be faced, something he needs to fight, to overcome. I think you should do it. When I told you about my past, it was hard, but I felt like a part of me, the broken part of me, was put back together again.” 

Ten didn’t respond, but Jungwoo could see he was thinking hard over his words. 

Jungwoo grabbed his hand. “I know you Ten, and I know that no matter how hard it will be for Taeyong, your guidance and help will get him through it.” 

Softly letting go of hand, Jungwoo got up and went to his room, leaving Ten in his thoughts.

**** 

_Ten stand in the same dark void._

_Though he’d been there before, he still couldn’t stop the shivers that ran down his spine._

_He looked around, seeing nothing but a door in the distance._

_As he approached the door, he realized that it was the door, the door to Taeyong’s room._

_He entered the code, hearing the familiar beep of the door being unlocked._

_As the door opened a bit, he heard the sound of a piano being played. He pushed the door open and saw Taeyong playing the piano in the middle of the room._

_Ten smiled, listening to the beautiful song Taeyong was playing. He approached him slowly, noticing that the other was scooted fully to one side of the piano bench, leaving the other half empty for him._

_As Ten sat down, Taeyong glanced at him with a smile, something he only got the pleasure of seeing a few times._

_After a moment of Ten listening to Taeyong playing, watching his fingers elegantly glide across the keys, Taeyong spoke._

_“Do you like it?”_

_Ten smiled and nodded. “It sounds beautiful.”_

_Taeyong looked proud._

_Ten looked around the room, seeing the window above Taeyong’s bed. It looked much different, it was bigger and clearer, letting him see all the way through. The smile on his face quickly dissipated when he saw the same sick little boy._

_It was Taeyong again, his face still blurred. Ten felt a pit in his stomach when he realized what would be happening soon._

_“Taeyong.” Taeyong hummed._

_“We need to help him.” Ten said urgently. Taeyong continued playing._

_Ten looked from Taeyong back to the window to see Taeyong’s mother come into the room._

_He inhaled shakily, panic filling him. It’s the same, he thought as he saw Lee Dae grab Taeyong’s chin harshly._

_“Taeyong, we need to help them!” Ten didn’t know why he was referring to Taeyong and his little self as two different people, but that mattered little to him at that moment._

_He looked back frantically to the window, seeing Dae mouthing at Taeyong’s neck again. “Taeyong!”_

_“Leave them, Ten” Ten looked back to Taeyong stunned. Taeyong was still looking at the keys._

_Ten gasped when he saw hickies appearing on Taeyong’s neck as Dae placed one on the boy. Ten grabbed his arm, trying to stop the now dark music Taeyong was playing._

_“Taeyong! Please!” Ten was now full on screaming, begging for Taeyong to help him._

_“Ten, just leave them, focus on me.” Taeyong now looked at Ten in the eye, his shirt unbuttoned, multiple hickies on his neck._

_Despite the resistance from Ten’s hand on his arm, he continued playing. Ten cupped Taeyong’s face to keep his eyes on him._

_“Taeyong! Stop!” He yelled in pure desperation._

_“Focus on me.” Taeyong repeated, tears streaming down his face._

_“Focus on me.”_

Ten woke up gasping. 

He wanted to cry, wanted to scream, but he didn’t want to wake Jungwoo, and he felt that he had no energy left in him to cry.

He looked out his window and saw that it was now light outside. He sighed, not knowing what he will do today. 

_I guess I should be grateful, I have time to think,_ he thought. He lay in bed, lost in his thoughts, before remembering that Taeyong was running out of gum the last time he’d seen him. 

He looked at the exact time and saw that it was still actually 5:00 AM. 

No places are open this early… Wait 

“Goddammit.”

**** 

Ten stood in front of the same convenience store he had gone to the first time he got Taeyong his stress cherry, gum, and sunflower seeds. 

He was hesitant to go in, knowing what awaited him last time. 

_Maybe it won’t be as bad since it’s daytime_ , Ten thought. 

He slowly opened the door, his ear automatically being filled with chaotic screams and loud singing. 

_Or maybe not_. Ten made his way to the counter, hoping to see Seonghwa at the counter. 

But alas, everything in life seems to be against him, as he saw someone else there. He had recognized him from last time, him being the one who yelled at literally everyone and everything. 

Ten walked up to the man, who was yelling at someone at the back of the store. He didn’t dare to check who the poor recipient was. 

“Exc-”

“Yah! Mingi! What did I tell you about opening the ramen?! For the last time, it can’t fix the tiles!” 

Ten flinched as he was interrupted. The man in front of him didn’t even notice him. 

He walked away from the counter, deciding to come back for the gum and sunflower seeds. He went through the aisles, not really knowing what he’s looking for. 

It’s like when you go to a store, yet you’re too broke to buy anything in it, so you just look. 

_Looking,_ Ten realized, _That’s all I’ve been doing lately, looking_.

It’s true. Ten had been looking at Taeyong’s files, looking at the blurred face of young Taeyong in his dreams, yet he’s never “bought” something when it comes to Taeyong. He had yet to even talk about his past, too afraid how it would affect the patient. 

Ten had been too lost in his thoughts to notice someone ahead of him stalking shelves, causing the two to collide with one another. 

“Oh my- I’m so sorry!” Ten said, looking at the dropped items, he bent down, quickly picking them up.” 

“No, no it’s ok- Ten?” The person said just as Ten stood up and held out the items. 

Ten looked up upon hearing his name. “Oh! Hi Seonghwa!” He brushed the knee parts of his pants once Seonghwa took the items.

“Thanxx.” He said Ten smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. Seonghwa seemed to notice as he spoke out. 

“You ok? You look a little… down.” he asked. Ten shook his head. 

“No, I’m fine, I was just thinking about something.” 

“Taeyong?” Seonghwa said. Ten looked up to Seonghwa. 

“H-how’d you know?” 

Seonghwa shrugged. “San’s told me a lot about you and Taeyong, about how you two are always the center of the gossip and you’re also really close.”

Ten choked on his spit. “C-close? W-we’re not close” he stuttered.

Seonghwa raised a brow. “San always tells me about how you sleep together.” 

Ten’s eyes went comically wide. 

“W-we don’t sleep together!” 

“Literally, not sexually.” 

Ten felt stupid. 

“Why, what did you think I meant?” 

Ten wanted to go home. Seonghwa laughed, seeing how the other went silent. 

The mood seemed to lighten for a little bit, but Ten found himself with the same thought about Taeyong as before. 

“Ten…” Seonghwa started, trying to change the mood. 

Ten hummed but didn’t look up. After a moment, Seonghwa stuck his hands in Ten’s jean pockets, fishing for his phone. 

Ten flinched, confused as to why Seonghwa was in his face with his hands down his ass pockets. 

“Wh-What the fu-?!” Ten said. To say he was uncomfortable would be an understatement. 

“Ah! Here it is!” Seonghwa said, now holding Ten’s phone. 

“Hey! Give me my phone back! What are you doing?!” Ten yelled, trying to snatch the phone out of Seonghwa’s hands. _Curse my fucking height_. 

“I’m adding San’s number to your phone and we’re calling him right now.” Seonghwa responded, keeping his arm straight in the air. The two looked comical with Ten launching onto his tippy toes., trying to reach his phone. Ten stopped upon hearing the words, before trying even harder to get the phone.

“No! Why would you call him?!” Seonghwa lightly pushed Ten away. “Because you’re clearly torn about something, it’s making you sad, and that’s no no.” 

Ten stared at Seonghwa. 

“Besides, I have no idea how to consult people, and you clearly need it.” 

Ten huffed, crossing his arms as Seonghwa put San’s contact on his phone. Seonghwa hit the call button, switching the phone to speaker and listened to the ring. 

After two rings, Ten spoke.

“Oh well, guess we won’t be calling him after all.”

Seonghwa shook his head. “Sannie always answers calls with unknown numbers on the fourth ring.” He responded. He sounded like a kid reciting something super important, with his determined eyes and his slightly pouting lips. 

Ten scoffed before looking away, but glancing toward the phone on the third ring, seeing if the other is actually right. 

Sure enough, once the fourth ring came, the call connected. Seonghwa smiled proudly. 

“Hello?” 

“Sannie!” 

“What? 

“Hwaseong?” 

“Yeah it’s me!” 

“Oh, why are you calling me on a different cell? Did you lose your phone again? Did something happen at work?” 

“No, no, no, I’m calling from Ten’s phone!” 

“Ten’s there?” 

“Yeah! He came in all sad about Taeyong so I’m calling you. I need you to help him.” 

Seonghwa glanced at Ten, who was listening to their conversation, looking around the shelves (He pretended to be mesmerized by a toilet brush), before swiftly turning around. “He looks like a sad kitten, Sannie, it hurts my heart.” he whispered, though not very discreetly. Ten’s brows furrowed as he snapped his head towards Seonghwa’s back. 

“Yah! I heard that!” Seonghwa flinched and turned around with a sheepish smile. 

“I’m on my way.” the two heard San say. 

“Okay, Sannie! Bye! Love you!” San chuckled over the line. 

“Bye baby, I love you too.” 

Ten internally cringed, but at the same time smiled at the couple. 

****

San arrived about 10 minutes later, and Ten had already gotten what he came for with the help of Seonghwa, who shooed the “always yelling at people guy”, who’s name Ten had learnt was Hongjoong. Now, Ten was waiting outside on the same table he had talked to San on when he first met him. 

Ten had been staring at his feet, thinking about Taeyong when he heard the soft click of San’s shoes against the pavement. 

Even though it was morning, it was still too early to have a lot of light, painting the atmosphere a soft blue. Ten would’ve found it relaxing if his head wasn’t in such a turmoil. 

“Hey, Ten.” San said softly. Ten smiled weakly in response, looking back down at his feet as San took his seat. 

“So, why did Seonghwa call me telling me that you were looking down?” he asked inquisitively. 

Ten chuckled softly and shook his head, now staring at the crack in the pavement that became a home for a small colony of ants. He felt some sort of comfort watching the scene, like it was all too familiar to him, something so small, yet so significant, making its home in something someone else would call broken and ugly. 

“I tried to stop him from doing that, I’m sorry for wasting your-” 

“Wait, why are you apologizing? I’m glad Seonghwa called me, it’s so obvious something is up with you.” San interrupted him. 

Ten opened his mouth to speak but closed it after realizing he didn’t have anything to say. 

“What’s wrong Ten?” San asked in a soothing tone, one which coaxed Ten into answering. 

“I… Doyoung spoke with me the other day.” Ten started. San nodded in an encouraging matter which helped Ten to continue. 

“He said that in order for Taeyong to be able to go outside, I had to talk about his past.” Ten shook his head, looking up to San with tears blurring his vision. 

“I-I can’t do that San.”

“Why not?”

“Cause… cause I’m _scared_ . I’m so _fucking_ scared that it’ll ruin what we built.” 

There, Ten had finally said it out loud. He finally said what he was too scared to talk about, instead of trapping it in his own head to eat at his brain. 

San gave Ten a moment to try and recollect himself, before softly speaking. 

“Ten, what do you think you and Taeyong have? A friendship? Partnership? Maybe even nothing at all?” 

Ten nearly winced at the last suggestion. But he himself couldn’t begin to think about the answer to San’s question. 

_What are we?_

“Friendship, Taeyong and I are friends.” Ten decided. 

Over the last few months, Ten started to see Taeyong as someone more than just a patient, and something told him that Taeyong could say the same. He strongly hoped he would at least. 

San nodded, seeming to agree with Ten’s answer. “So you don’t want to ruin the friendship, but let me say this to you Ten. Taeyong needs you, and I know I’m not the only one that thinks that. Hell, I think everyone has stolen a glance at you two walking down up and down the halls to the shower.” 

Ten’s lips quirked at the remembrance. 

It’d become a routine, a tradition if you will. It started when the two were debating about which artist was more talented. Doyoung came to inform Taeyong that it was his time to shower. The two looked at each other, knowing then that neither of them wanted to leave the conversation that was being held. So Ten told Doyoung that he would walk Taeyong to the shower and back, not knowing that he would be doing that every time from then on. 

“What I’m trying to say, is that while Taeyong needs you, he also needs to lift things like his past off his chest. But that doesn’t mean you have to choose between one or the other. You should help him with his past, and be there as his shoulder to lean on.” 

Ten bit his lip and slowly nodded. It grew silent for a moment.

“But what if-” “No buts! You don’t know anything Ten, so you might as well assume the best of things.” 

Ten nodded for a second time. 

Thoughts about the dream he had that morning came to his head. 

_I will focus on both._

**** 

Ten woke up later than usual that day, taking his time to get ready. 

He was trying to stall going today. 

He sat on the couch fidgeting with Taeyong’s grocery bag from Utopia while mindlessly watching TV.

He had about an hour before his session with Taeyong. He jumped a little but when he received a call from Jungwoo. He stared at the caller ID and didn’t accept the call until the last ring. 

“Hey.” Ten said. 

“Ten? Have you left for work yet?” 

Ten shook his head, before remembering he was on call and Jungwoo couldn’t see him. 

“No, I haven’t.” “What? Why? You never take so long to go to work like this! Do you not feel well? Are you sick? Did you fight with your boss? Do you need me to take a day off? I’m on my way!” Jungwoo said determinedly. Ten was laughing on the other end at his brother’s worriedness. 

“Woo, calm down, I was just feeling a little tired today and needed a little more time before leaving.”

It was silent for a moment, before a small “ah” was heard from Jungwoo. 

“You’re stalling.”

“What- How the fuck did you know?” Ten gaped. Jungwoo’s laugh rang in Ten’s right ear. 

“I know you Ten.” After a moment, Jungwoo spoke again. 

“Ten.” 

Ten hummed. 

“It’s going to be okay.” 

Ten looked down and nodded. 

_It’s going to be okay_. 

**** 

Ten walked through the hallways of the hospital, clutching the bag in his right and wiping the sweat off his left with his pants.

He stopped in his tracks when he saw Doyoung come out of his office ahead. He met the other’s eyes and Doyoung smiled and nodded encouragingly. 

Ten slightly nodded back and continued walking. 

When he approached Taeyong’s door, he took a deep breath. He entered the code, flinching at the beep. 

He slowly pushed the door open, peeking in to see Taeyong sitting on his bed as usual. He was looking out the window before Ten had entered, and now he stared right at him. 

“Hey, Taeyong. I got you more stuff for your jaw.” He smiled gently, holding up the bag.

Taeyong nodded and stood up, walking towards Ten. Ten held out the bag to Taeyong, who spoke while taking it.

“I found this artist that had a good song, not as good as the one I said before but it’s way better than that shit you argued was the best.” Taeyong said, throwing the bag to the bed. 

If Ten didn’t have something he was dreading to do, if this had been any normal day, he would’ve made a clever comeback and the two would’ve gone on debating for hours. But it wasn’t like that, though Ten wishes it was. He closed his eyes, breathing deeply. 

Taeyong’s words became white noise behind the ringing in Ten’s ears. He was dizzy with nervousness. 

_Focus on both_. 

Taeyong’s words came back into Ten’s reach just as he was about to break the ice. 

“This one song is pretty good by them, but I still think that-” 

“What happened to your father?” Ten asked, finally opening his eyes and looking up at Taeyong. 

Taeyong’s words came to a screeching halt as he froze. 

Ten saw the shock on Taeyong’s face, and while he immediately wanted to stop, to laugh and play it off as a joke, he knew he had to go through with it.

“What?” Taeyong asked. 

“What happened to your father?” 

“Why the fuck would you ask me that?” Taeyong asked. His face showed signs of shock and hurt but his eyes showed a darkness that Ten had never received. 

“What happened to your father?” Ten asked again, this time taking a step towards Taeyong. 

_Please, Taeyong, just say it, just say what he did and this will be over. Please_.

“Stop.” Taeyong pleaded. 

“What happened to your father?” Ten took another step forward. 

“Stop!” Taeyong yelled harshly, his breathing rapid. 

“What happened to your father?” Ten pushed away the tears threatening to escape. He couldn’t cry now. He had no right to.

A step forward.

_Taeyong, please, just say it, just once. Please._

“Ten, stop!” Taeyong shouted, his voice even louder than before.

His fists were clenched so hard, that his knuckles were completely white, and Ten could tell he was breaking the skin of his palms. 

“What happened to your fa-” 

“He was murdered by my _fucking_ mom!” Taeyong roared. 

He couldn’t control it anymore and punched Ten in the face. 

Ten stumbled back from the blow, ignoring the pain. What he couldn’t grasp, what was a true punch in the face, were the words that Taeyong had said. 

He looked up to see Taeyong’s face filled with shock. 

His eyes were filled with tears, something which Ten had never seen from him before. Taeyong was stepping back, ashamed of what he had done. 

“I’m sorry.” Taeyong said, his tears falling. Ten had never heard so much _desperation_ in Taeyong’s voice. Ten came forward shaking his head. 

“Taeyong, no, no, no, it’s okay.” But Taeyong wasn’t listening. He kept walking backwards until the backs of his legs hit the bed causing him to flinch.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Please. Please don’t leave me.” Taeyong sobbed, covering his face with his hands. Ten’s heart shattered. 

“Taeyong, it’s okay. It’s okay.” Ten called softly but frantically. 

He came forward, gently grasping Taeyong’s hands. He tried pulling them away from Taeyong’s face, but the other resisted. 

“Taeyong, it’s okay. Hey, look at me.” Ten softly tugged at Taeyong’s hands, this time meeting hesitancy. 

He pulled Taeyong’s arms forward, letting them go and wrapping his own arms around Taeyong’s neck.

Ten soon felt arms slowly loop around his waist, and he pulled Taeyong closer to him. He shushed Taeyong gently while Taeyong still stood silently pleading. 

“I’m sorry.” Taeyong said again. His arms around Ten’s waist pulled the shorter closer in desperation. 

“Sh, it’s okay, it’s okay.” Ten said whispered into Taeyong’s ear. He tenderly ran his fingers through Taeyong’s hair. He closed his eyes as tears escaped his own eyes.

They stayed like that for a while, until Taeyong’s sobs reduced to silent sniffles. His cries were almost completely silent, and Ten wondered how many times someone could’ve easily missed them. 

Taeyong started to sit on the bed, clutching Ten harder against himself in fear of losing him on the way. 

Ten was trying to let go in order to guide Taeyong to sit down, but when Taeyong squeezed his waist as a sign of not wanting to let go, Ten nodded, shushing the worried older. 

“I’m not going anywhere.” Ten whispered. 

Taeyong finally sat down completely, pulling Ten closer again, causing Ten to nearly stumble. He put his right knee on the bed next to Taeyong’s waist. His foot was planted on the ground near Taeyong’s thigh, almost completely straddling him. 

Taeyong buried his head into the crook of Ten’s neck, inhaling his comforting scent. The scent that Taeyong always smells when Ten hugs him. Ten continued to run his fingers through Taeyong’s brown locks, lost in his thoughts. 

_“My father was murdered by my mother.”_

_Taeyong, how long have you been suffering with this,_ Ten thought, pressing his forehead into the crook of Taeyong’s neck as well. 

After a few more moments, Ten spoke.

“Taeyong.” He called out faintly. 

Taeyong shook his head, rubbing his head against Ten’s neck. 

“Taeyong.” 

After a brief pause, Taeyong looked up into Ten’s eyes. 

Ten’s heart broke at the sight of Taeyong’s red and puffy eyes. 

He gingerly cupped the man’s cheeks, stroking away the dried tear streaks with his thumbs. Taeyong stayed unmoving. 

“My legs hurt, may I please sit next to you?” 

Taeyong shook his head frantically. Irrational or not, the thought of Ten leaving his arms even for a second scared Taeyong to an unbelievable extent. 

“It’ll just be for a second.” Ten said, his left foot started to hurt from holding all his weight up. 

Taeyong shook his head once again and mumbled something incoherent. 

Ten was about to question what the other had said, but he cut himself off with a yelp as Taeyong lifted up Ten’s left leg, his hand under his thighs. Ten would’ve fallen backwards if it weren’t for Taeyong’s other hand supporting his lower back. He clung to Taeyong’s neck like a koala. 

Taeyong rested Ten’s legs on the bed around his waist, the other now fully sitting in his lap. 

Ten’s cheeks heated up at their position. He was scared that Taeyong could feel the heat of his face against his skin. But that didn’t matter when he felt Taeyong’s lips quirk against his neck. 

Despite Ten’s fluster, Taeyong’s lap was comfy enough to relax after a while, breathing deeply and taking in the comfortable silence. 

It wasn’t until Taeyong shifted his shoulder against the younger’s cheek, causing Ten to hiss in pain. 

Ten had forgotten about the bruising wound on his cheek until that had happened. 

Taeyong panicked and looked up at Ten’s cheek, only to grow more worried as he saw the bruise. 

“I’m sorry.” Taeyong apologized again, looking sincerely into Ten’s eyes. 

Ten smiled softly and shook his head. “I should be the one apologizing, I shouldn’t have pushed you like that, I’m so sorry.” 

Taeyong nodded as his own sign of forgiveness. 

“It felt nice though… letting it out. I had never told anyone, moreover I couldn’t.” he admitted. 

Ten stroked the side of Taeyong’s neck in reassurance. 

“My mother…, used to always read my sister a bedtime story. All these fancy books and fairy tales. I wanted that too. So I asked her… one night to read me one, and she just said she would. I… I was an _idiot_ , for thinking I would ever get an actual bedtime story read to me by my own mother.” 

“You were a kid who just wanted a mother. That doesn’t make you stupid, Taeyong.” 

Taeyong nodded in understanding and continued, fiddling with his thumbs behind Ten’s back. 

“My mother did tell me a story, but there was no book, no fairy tale, and no happy ending, a story she made just for me. At the time I thought I was special, but later I found out that couldn’t be further from the truth. The story… was about a society that was split into two, the nobles, and the ignobles. The nobles had fame, money, power. They lived in grand mansions and castles and ate whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted. The ignobles got the leftovers, the scraps. They had torn clothes, little to no flesh on their bones, and they lived on grass if they were lucky.

I asked my mom why the ignobles were treated like that, why they were named worthless. My mother said that nothing necessarily made them worthless, their beings alone made them that way. But the people in the society thought it was because of the color of their hair, the color of their eyes, the color of their skin. Deep inside, however, they knew there was no real difference, the rich simply wanted to stay rich, and the poor were too afraid to speak out. So they lived as that forever, and nothing changed. I always thought it was an interesting story, and I always questioned the lesson it gave. 

The lesson was one only for me, made by my mother. It was a warning, Ten, a warning that told me to keep my mouth shut from all the bad she did, to me, to our family… to my father.” 

Ten comforted Taeyong with the soothing backs of his fingers gliding softly across the skin of his neck. “Your father? You said he was murdered? Do you want to get that off your chest as well?” 

Taeyong took a moment to question what swam in Ten’s eyes. Whether it was judgement, hatred, resentment, but no, Taeyong saw nothing but unbridled affection, something he’d expected from the sweet and kind Ten. So, Taeyong continued.

“After my mom was declared arrested for bankruptcy, they sent cops to come and find her. I was sick a lot when I was little, this being one of the times, so I stayed home. I don’t know if my mom had forgotten that, or if she just didn’t care, but she was packing up her things to run away. My dad was trying to stop her so she can be properly arrested and serve her punishments. And so they fought, and I was there to see it when my mom grabbed a knife and slit his wrists. I felt… numb, I couldn’t scream until my father fell to the cold floor. My mother looked at me and warned me not to tell anyone, or she’ll kill me too.” 

Taeyong finished with a shaky breath, Ten’s presence being the only thing holding him together at the moment. 

Taeyong collected the tears off of Ten’s face, one by one. “ _Taeyong._ ” Ten called out, burying his face into Taeyong’s neck once again as he broke down sobbing. 

“Shouldn’t I be the one crying?” Taeyong joked. 

Ten laughed messily, looking up and wiping his nose. 

Taeyong couldn’t help but smile faintly, something he can only seem to do around the smaller, when he made Ten laugh. 

Ten inhaled, before speaking. 

“There are good people in the world, Taeyong, no matter how much fame or wealth they have. Your mother got it wrong. In that story, if it was more realistic, someone, rich or poor, would realize the wrong in their society, and they would be brave enough to make a change.” 

He cupped Taeyong’s face, planting a tender kiss on his forehead, making the other pull him closer. 

“You’re so strong, and anybody who heard this story too would see it.” 

Taeyong’s ears grew red as he tried to shrug off Ten’s praise. 

“Do you… think you will tell the cops about this?” Ten asked wearily. 

Taeyong shrugged. “I’ve come to terms about what happened, enough at least to not think about it that much. My mother is already in jail for life, what would the use be? It would just be an uproar for a while and then nothing else would really happen.” 

Ten nodded. “Do what you think is best, Yong.” 

Taeyong looked at the other with a questioning look. “Yong?” 

“Yeah, that’s my nickname for you. Do you not like it?” Ten said with a fake pout. 

Taeyong smiled and shook his head. “No I… I like it.” 

He cuddled into Ten’s neck again. 

“I like it.” 

Ten smiled. His fear was growing apart from Taeyong, but he ended up growing closer. 

_Lee Taeyong._

  
  



	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all, it's been forever since I updated, And I'm so sorry for that! I've been busy with school starting up again and just everything that comes with real life, that I haven't been able to finally put the next chapter out there. I've barely been able to read sometimes which is crazy because taeten fics are my lifeline. Some people even began to think this story ended lmao. 
> 
> There is going to be a song that I would like you to listen along to while reading this! Its the song that gave me the idea for this chapter. There will be a note on when to start playing the song, so please look out for it! The song to play is Kiss me by Ed Sheeran.
> 
> Anyways, as always, I hope this chapter can make up for the huge amount of time it took me to update this fic, this chapter is in Taeyong's POV, which I'm super excited about!
> 
> Enjoy!

Taeyong always wanted to believe in fairy tales. 

But how can one believe in them when they’ve never even heard one? 

For Taeyong, his life has only ever consisted of one story. He’s only ever heard of one story, created specifically for him by his mother. 

That’s how a child first learns about stories. When a parent reads one to them, as the child is cozily tucked into their sheets, and on the brink of sleep.

Truth be told, Taeyong always dreamed of that feeling. The one you get when you feel as if you could stay in one place forever, never feeling the need to move a muscle, because you feel safe, secured,  _ loved.  _

Yet, the same bad luck that always seems to haunt Taeyong with every breath he takes, deprives him of any possibility of ever having that wish granted. 

He had always loved the idea of someone saving the other, pulling them out of the dark depths they were trapped in before. Maybe this was because he needed someone to save him, or the idea just fascinated him, he wouldn’t be able to say. 

He eventually gave up on the whole idea of a fairy tale, after taking so many hits from the cruel world he lived in. He concluded that no one would be sent to save him, and no one would want to either.

Until  _ he _ came along.

_ Ten _ .

The name seems to be the only thing occupying his usually empty head, renewing its presence with every session. 

Ten, the boy who single-handedly demolished the walls he worked so hard on building, the boy who renewed his love for things he thought he ought’ve abandoned, the boy who brought sleep to his sleepless world, and dreams to his empty eyes. 

_ Ten _ . 

It was only until this boy came into his life, that Taeyong felt like someone wanted to help him, not for a paycheck, not for a growth in their career, but to  _ help _ him. 

Taeyong eventually gave up on wondering why he feels so differently about Ten. Why he feels this strong urge to protect him from any possible harm. Why he never feels the need to smile, until the boy walks in the room with his lame jokes and incessantly blinding smile. 

But he can’t fight the thought crawling into his head again whenever he’s left alone in his own little dark world. Like now, as he lies in his bed that is rock hard from the thin material, but plush from the thoughts swimming in his brain. 

It still takes some getting used to, the feeling of needing to sleep. He didn’t know if it was insomnia before, or lack of exertion, but he did know that he never needed to sleep until  _ he _ came along. 

It’s thoughts like these that make Taeyong wonder if he’s found his own “savior”, or simply a mirage that has been displayed in front of him.

His thoughts are interrupted as a yawn escapes his mouth.  _ Since when did I ever yawn? Since when did I ever look at the time, because I was anticipating his visit?  _

Time is such an interesting concept, something humanity made to define the day from the night, the sun from the moon, and the light from the dark. Did we do it to know where our planet is in the galaxy? Or to organize ourselves throughout our day? 

Taeyong wished he knew everything about the world, and he can’t help but take his mind to another place at the thought. 

_ “Taeyong? What are you doing in here?” Sooman asked. He was surprised to see his 8 year old son in his office, looking baffled by the Newton's cradle moving on the desk.  _

_ “N-nothing Papa.” Taeyong responded. He didn’t want to tell his father that he was looking for the first aid kit, trying to treat his cuts and bruises, given to him by his mother. He definitely didn’t want to anger his mother further (though he didn’t know why she was mad in the first place), by having his father find out. He opted for discreetly pulling down his long sleeves under the desk. _

_ Sooman chuckled and walked over to his son. He lifted him up from the chair and put him on his lap after sitting down. Taeyong tried hard to hide his whimpers of pain and keep his sleeves rolled down.  _

_ “It’s fascinating isn’t it? This is called a Newton’s cradle.” Sooman began, stopping it momentarily and holding one of the furthest balls outward.  _

_ “If I were to let this ball go, what do you think would happen?” _

_ “It would hit the other ball.” Taeyong said after a long moment of serious thinking.  _

_ “That’s right, and do you know what would happen after?” _

_ “This ball would swing and hit this one.” Taeyong said, pointing at the ball at the opposite end, then the one next to it. _

_ Sooman looked dramatically surprised by the knowledge of the boy. “How did you know this?!” _

_ Taeyong giggled. “I saw it, Papa” _

_ Sooman scoffed playfully, tickling his son, emitting loud laughs from the younger. “Impossible! You must be punished for being so smart!” _

_ “Papa! Stop! It tickles!” Taeyong screamed. He was thankful no injuries lay on his tummy, and he felt his spirits being lifted by his father’s warm presence.  _

_ Sooman eventually stopped torturing his son with tickles with a light laugh, and later spoke.  _

_ “Do you know why this ball would swing?” _

_ Taeyong rubbed his chin and hummed, copying his father when he would think. _

_ “Magic?” He said, smiling up at his father.  _

_ Sooman threw his head back with a laugh. “Not quite.” _

_ “When I let this ball go, the force from the hit with this ball would travel all the way through these ones, until it hits this one here.” Sooman explained, indicating every ball he was talking about with a point of his finger. _

_ Taeyong just gaped at the new knowledge he had learned. He always looked up to his father and his knowledge of how things worked in the world, no matter how silly or simple they are.  _

_ “How do you know that, Papa?” _

_ “I learned about it when I was younger, you will learn a lot of things yourself.” _

_ Taeyong pouted. “I wish I knew everything already. Everything about the world.” _

_ Sooman once again let out a boisterous laugh. “Oh, but it’s so much more fun to wonder about the world! You may not value it now, but wondering is possibly the best trait humans have, it makes us cherish the world around us more, because we will always want to know more about it.” _

_ Taeyong thought for a moment before nodding determinedly. “I want to know nothing. I want to wonder.” _

_ Sooman chuckled and patted his son’s tummy. “That’s my boy.” _

_ Taeyong smiled proudly at the praise, something he rarely receives. His smile turned into a frown at a nagging thought.  _

_ “Papa?” _

_ “Hm?” _

_ “Can you be at home more?” _

_ Sooman looked apologetically at his son. “I wish I could, but I need to work to make sure my company does well, you know this.” _

_ Taeyong couldn’t help but whimper and felt tears rolling down his cheeks. Sooman grew surprised at this and pulled his son closer to him, asking what was wrong.  _

_ “Taeyong, don’t cry, you have your mother here to watch after you while I’m gone.” _

_ Taeyong shook his head, crying harder from the onslaught of horrific memories the word ‘mother’ brings. “I don’t want Mama, I want Papa.” _

_ Sooman clicked his tongue in pity and pulled his son closer.  _

That was one of the few memories Taeyong had with his father. 

He loved his father, he was a good man. But he always chose his company over his family, and it helped the fall of the whole household. 

If he was being honest, he always wished he had more to remember him by, so that they could drain the ocean of traumatic memories brought to him by his mother. 

He sniffled and subconsciously wiped his eyes. He then realized that he had been crying. 

This was another thing that was brought back to him by  _ the boy _ . Emotions. Ten broke his emotionless dam, and now a tidal wave of them is hitting him.

It had been a couple months after Taeyong opened up to Ten about his father. The two had been diligently working to get the patient to go outside. Ten always stayed longer at the hospital, working through Taeyong’s thoughts and feelings, finding each pressure point to get rid of. This sometimes resulted in the therapist staying the night at the hospital, leaving Taeyong with more thoughts, more  _ wonders _ .

Tomorrow, Taeyong will have his check-up. This isn’t just the usual checkup, it’s the one to determine whether or no Taeyong is ready to go outside. All of Ten and Taeyong’s work relies on this one day, so it’s safe to say that Taeyong is nervous, although it’s a rare sight. 

But what Taeyong wonders, is why he worries so much about letting Ten down. That’s another feeling the boy brings to Taeyong. The want for acceptance, an emotion he gave up on long ago. 

Taeyong yawned again. Deciding that he should finally close his eyes and submit himself to sleep, he shifted himself into a more comfortable position.

“Goodnight, Ten.”

****

_ Taeyong opens his eyes to find himself in the same room, the same bed, lying in the same position. He gets up, thinking it was a new day _ , the  _ day. _

_ He saw that the heavy metal door that guarded his room was cracked open, drawing him closer to it in confusion.  _

_ As he approached the door, he heard muffled voices. He swung the door open to see Ten talking with Doyoung.  _

_ Taeyong immediately made his way to Ten, something he had grown accustomed to do.  _

_ “Ten.” Taeyong called.  _

_ Ten looked up at Taeyong, but it wasn’t the same. There was no blinding smile, no lame joke spilled from his mouth. It was all replaced with some solemn emotion that Taeyong couldn’t place.  _

_ “Taeyong.” Ten called sternly. Again, this wasn’t the same either. There was no sway to Ten’s feet as he called the other’s name, no sing-songy tone to his voice. It was firm, and serious. Taeyong’s brows contracted in confusion.  _

_ “We need to talk.” Ten said, beckoning Taeyong to follow as he walked briskly into the cold, metal room again.  _

_ As they sat down, Ten spoke.  _

_ “It’s about your check-up results.” he said, emotionlessly.  _

_ Taeyong grew confused, as he thought he had yet to take the exam, given that in his mind, he had just woken up.  _

_ “How did I do?” Taeyong asked. For some reason, he couldn’t meet the other’s eyes, but nearly pulled something in his neck when he heard a strained whimper from Ten. He was crying.  _

_ “You disappointed me, Taeyong. All my hard work, and you ruined it!” Ten said, his voice a shout by the end. He stood up from the bed and grabbed the neck of Taeyong’s shirt. _

_ Taeyong was too shocked to respond to Ten’s continuous shouts, too shocked to block the slaps and punches that flew at him. This went on for what seemed like an eternity. Taeyong’s face was covered in blood and tears.  _

_ His biggest fear, the thing he was most scared to do, happened. He let Ten down. He failed.  _

_ He was scared of what the other would do next, what he would say. He just hopes none of them consist of leaving.  _

_ “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m--” Taeyong sobbed. He looked again at the other but it wasn’t Ten’s face, it was his sister, Sunmi’s. He stared in shock, before another punch landed on his face. He looked again to see the therapist’s face again.  _

_ Ten stopped hitting Taeyong. He stood there, glaring at Taeyong, a look Taeyong never thought he would receive from the kind and caring Ten he once knew.  _

_ Ten’s grip on Taeyong shirt slowly loosened as he stepped backwards towards the door.  _

_ “Ten… I-I’m sorry.” Taeyong said, desperation spilling from his eyes in the form of his own salty tears.  _

_ “Sorry isn’t enough, Taeyong.” _

_ Taeyong looked Ten in the eyes, choking on a sob when he saw nothing but unbridled hatred.  _

_ “Your mother was right, you really are worthless.” Ten said, shutting the door.  _

_ Taeyong jumped at the loud beep, shouting after Ten. He tripped and fell onto his knees with a loud thud that echoed through the room.  _

_ After a long and agonizing minute of staring helplessly at the floor, Taeyong screamed, his fist pounding the floor.  _

Taeyong awoke with a heavy gasp. He felt multiple beads of sweat glide down his skin. Silent tears were rolling down his cheeks during his sleep. His breaths were rushed and laboured. 

It was only after 10 minutes, that Taeyong found his breath slowing down to its original pace again. 

He closed his eyes and sighed. 

_ It was just a dream.  _

But a question in Taeyong’s head kept him from pushing his fears away. 

_ It was just a dream, but how long until you make it a reality? _

_ Stop. _

_ How long before Ten leaves you? How long before you have to watch him walk away? How long before he gives up on you too?  _

_ Stop.  _

_ Just like your father and sister did. _

“Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.” Taeyong rapidly repeated, trying to push away his anxiety that was eating at his brain. 

His breath grew in pace again, faster than before. Taeyong wheezed, trying to gain his breath again, but to no avail.

_ “Ten.” Taeyong called. _

_ “Hm?” _

_ “How does this thing help?” He asked, holding up the stress ball.  _

_ Ten looked up from his playlist on his phone, furrowing his brows, but smiling. _

_ “Your stress cherry? You’re telling me, you’ve been using that thing for over 5 months and you don’t even know the use of it?” _

_ Taeyong nodded innocently.  _

_ Ten chuckled lightly, shaking his head. He scooted closer to Taeyong, until their sides were almost completely molded together. Taeyong felt the same urges he usually gets around the smaller surge through him, and his grip on the cherry tightened.  _

_ Ten reached over, lightly tickling the back of Taeyong’s fist, coaxing his grip to slowly loosen. Taeyong kept his eyes glued on Ten the entire duration.  _

_ “Originally,” Ten started. He grabbed the cherry out of Taeyong’s hand once his grip was completely lax and held it out in front of them both. “I wanted to give this to you, because you clenched your fists so hard, that you broke the skin on your palm.” He continued, taking his hand.  _

_ He fully extended Taeyong’s hand, stroking the middle of his palm with his thumb. He smiled, seeing that the small crescent marks were completely healed, now only being seen in the form of scars.  _

_ “But, I’ve also noticed that you use it to calm yourself down, whether you knew you did that or not.” _

_ Taeyong didn’t respond, lost in his thoughts. He had never realized that he used it so much to calm himself down. His heart rate sped up at the thought that Ten always noticed things he didn’t even notice about himself. He didn’t know any possibility as to why his heart did that, but he simply didn’t bother to question it. _

_ “Taeyong.” Ten called, looking up at Taeyong. _

_ Taeyong didn’t vocally respond, but he looked away from his hand and turned to look at Ten. That was all Ten needed to know what he meant. That’s how it worked between them. They didn’t need to use words. Taeyong spoke with physical language, and Ten was the only one who could understand him.  _

_ “When you get anxiety attacks, or when you feel constricted,” Ten placed the cherry back in Taeyong’s hand. “Take deep breaths and count to 4, and squeeze the cherry on each inhale.” Ten said, demonstrating by inhaling deeply and squeezing the back of Taeyong’s hand to squeeze the cherry. He slowly loosened the grip as he exhaled.  _

_ Taeyong stared at his hand lying on Ten’s for a moment, before trying it himself. Ten’s hand never left from under Taeyong’s, even with every squeeze.  _

_ Taeyong found a rhythm in his breathing, closing his eyes and listening to his own calm breaths. His eyes opened from surprise when he felt a weight tuck itself into his neck and shoulder. _

_ He looked to his side and let his eyes fall on Ten, who was lulled to sleep by the calm atmosphere.  _

_ Taeyong’s heart unknowingly clenched at the sight of the sleeping boy. _

_ He looked to their hands, putting down the cherry, and turning his hand around to slip his fingers into Ten’s. He didn’t know why he felt the need to do this, and he didn’t know what he was trying to say through the touch, but he enjoyed the warmth.  _

_ He felt that he himself was slowly falling asleep as well, and he didn’t fight it, letting his head rest on the top of Ten’s. He closed his eyes, making sure that their fingers would stay in place.  _

_ “Goodnight, Ten.” _

Taeyong looked around in panic for the red stress ball. He tripped off his bed when he saw it sitting on the chair across the room. His breaths were still labored as he launched himself to get the stress ball. He grabbed, sitting on the floor against the front of the chair. Ten’s words started echoing in his brain like a mantra. 

He focused on slowing down his breaths, squeezing the cherry on each inhale. Eventually, he calmed himself, letting out one deep sigh of relief. He closed his eyes, letting himself settle down and rest. 

_ Today is the day.  _

****

Taeyong always found himself anticipating a certain someone’s arrival, waiting for that all familiar beep. He can’t help but be disappointed every time when it’s just Doyoung to come give him his meds when Ten can’t be there to do it. He’s been throwing them out ever since Ten questioned why he even used them if they don't work.

But today, his anticipation has grown tenfold, his leg bouncing rapidly. He didn’t know if it was from nervousness, excitement, fear, or all of them put together. 

His head shot to the door when he heard a beep coming from the large metal door. He met Ten’s eyes and his bright smile. 

Ten walked in, closing the door behind him. His smile looked soft today, but Taeyong could tell that he had some sort of nervousness too, based on his fidgety hands and the emotions swimming in his so easily readable eyes. Ten wasn’t the only one who could read the other. 

The two stared at each other in comfortable science, Taeyong standing. They were taking small steps towards each other without even realizing it until they were in close proximity. 

Ten’s smile managed to soften even more, something Taeyong didn’t even know was possible. And for some reason, all his fears disappeared for a moment. Eventually, Ten broke the silence. 

“Hey, Taeyong.”

Taeyong responded by simply pulling the other into a hug, wrapping his arms securely around Ten’s waist. This was a greeting in and of itself.

Ten loosely wound his arms around Taeyong’s neck in response to the hug. “Are you ready?”

Taeyong’s arms around Ten tightened.  _ I’m scared. _

Ten reciprocated the action, understanding what Taeyong's former action meant. “It’s ok, I’ll be there with you the whole time, okay?” He said this in a whisper, like Taeyong was the only one meant to hear it. 

Taeyong nuzzled into the crook of Ten’s neck further, emitting a laugh from Ten. 

“C’mon.” Ten said softly, pulling away from Taeyong. 

They walked out through the halls to Doyoung’s office, now used to the squeals and giggles that could be heard from the nurses sitting far away at their desks. 

They stopped outside the door, Ten telling a nurse, Lisa, that Taeyong was there for the check up and exam.

Taeyong followed Ten aimlessly, like a puppy too afraid to wander off or even move a muscle if Ten didn’t do it first. He stood behind Ten, looking either at the ground of the Ten’s back. 

Everyone who was passing by was surprised at Taeyong’s behavior. Usually, they would see him when he walked to the showers. He held nothing but a glare and a dead stare back then, his intimidating aura causing a 10 foot distance from others around him. But now, an emotion can be seen in Taeyong’s eyes, and they all know who the cause of this is. 

Doyoung appeared at the doorway of his office with a smile. 

“Hello, Ten, Taeyong.” Doyoung said, nodding to Taeyong, who was still looking down behind Ten. 

Ten greeted Doyoung back, about to walk into the office before Doyoung’s hand stopped him. 

“Sorry, Ten but I can’t have you in there during the exam.” He said apologetically. 

“What? Why?” Ten asked, surprised.

“There needs to be no form of distraction that could take away the real result of Taeyong’s mental position. If you’re in there, it might be easier for him to answer the questions, and it’ll deter my knowledge of his progress. I can’t have him passing cause you were there, then have him coming back after he hurts someone cause you’re weren’t. I’m sorry, but you really need to stay here.”

Ten sighed dejectedly. 

Taeyong felt panic fill him at the idea of going through it alone. 

_ What if I fail? What will his reaction be when I have to walk out and tell him?  _ Taeyong thought.

His ears started ringing, and his palms were sweating. He felt the same feeling he had earlier in the morning, but this time, he didn’t know how to calm himself. This time felt worse. His vision was tunneling, and it felt like this time, he had no ability to breathe at all. 

He was so far lost, he couldn’t hear the quiet but harsh whispers, the soft click of the door, or the rapid footsteps coming his way. 

Suddenly, a sudden warmth was laid upon his cheek, causing Taeyong to flinch and look up at the owner. He saw Ten, after his vision focused again, and faintly heard him speaking.  _ He noticed. Of course he would.  _

Slowly but surely, Taeyong’s hearing was gaining its normalcy again, and he could make out the words Ten was saying.

“Taeyong, hey, breathe okay? I need you to breathe for me.” Ten said rapidly. The panic in his voice was subtle, but could be heard with closer listening. Unbeknownst to Taeyong, his face was a cherry red due to the blood rushing to his face. 

Taeyong felt like he could pass out, trying to get his breath back but it didn’t work. He looked down to attempt to breathe again, but when he failed, his eyes shot back up to Ten. His eyes held panic. 

Ten seemed to notice this, and as Taeyong was rapidly looking around everywhere, as if the solution was floating somewhere in the room, he spoke again.

“Hey, hey, hey, Taeyong, look at me.” Ten spoke with fast speed that held a certain firmness. He put his other hand on Taeyong’s cheek as well and turned his head to face him, slightly shaking it with every word. 

Taeyong finally looked at Ten, and the other quickly grabbed his hands, holding him up to the sides of them and interlocking their fingers. Taeyong glanced at them for a moment before looking at Ten again. 

“Remember what I told you to do with the stress cherry? We’re gonna do that right now. Squeeze my hands okay?” At this point, the panic in Ten’s voice was obvious and clear. 

Ten started breathing deeply, squeezing Taeyong’s hands on the inhale and letting go on the exhale. Taeyong attempted to do the same but shook his head when no air filled his starved lungs. 

“No, look at me, it’s okay, try again.” Ten showed Taeyong again. 

Taeyong stared at Ten, never moving his eyes away for a second. He slowly squeezed Ten’s hands, and found air finally entering his lungs again. He hyperventilated and clung onto Ten’s hands. 

“There you go, breathe.” Ten said with relief. He sighed and hung his head low, breathing deeply himself. 

They stood there for a moment, with Taeyong slowly starting to breathe more normally again, and Ten waiting patiently for him. Their hands remained intertwined, in case Taeyong needed to squeeze them. 

Taeyong let out one final exhale, signifying to Ten that he is okay. 

Ten nodded then spoke, “Are you ready?” he asked with a small, encouraging smile. 

Taeyong stared for a moment, about to say yes, before he remembered something.

_ Ten won’t be there with me.  _

Taeyong quickly shook his head in response, causing Ten to frown. 

“What’s wrong?”

Taeyong looked down, before pulling harshly on their still intertwined fingers, causing Ten to fall onto Taeyong with a small yelp. He just needed to hold the other, just for a moment.

The patient’s arms immediately followed their paved path, and went around Ten’s waist. Ten’s arms did the same but around the other’s neck after a brief moment of confusion. 

He nuzzled his face into the crook of the smaller’s neck, breathing deeply. After a moment, however, he raised his lips to Ten’s ear to whisper quietly. 

“You won’t be there with me.” He could help the sliver of fear that slipped through his tone, and he knew Ten would hear it. 

Ten’s left arm unwinded itself from Taeyong’s neck and he placed his hand on the other’s chest. 

“It’s gonna be okay, Taeyong. I’ll be waiting outside the entire time for you. I promise I won’t step foot out of this hall, unless I need to pee.” Ten joked at the end. Taeyong felt his lip quirk, and he gained a bit of confidence.

He pulled Ten closer to him and nestled his face back into its rightful place.  _ I need you close to me.  _

The door to Doyoung’s office opened, revealing the doctor himself. Taeyong had his back turned to the office, but he felt Ten’s look up over Taeyong’s shoulder and nod. 

“You have to go now, okay?” Ten said, slowly coaxing Taeyong to pull away. Taeyong complied and walked to Doyoung, breathing deeply. 

He turned around to look one last time at Ten, the other giving a thumbs up with an encouraging nod. 

_ I need you. _

****

Taeyong has had check-ups before. These were normal, simple. They mostly just consisted of the usual check-ups, like checking their health and mental state. 

Taeyong has sat in this chair before, but this time, it’s different, much different.

This time, there is an exam, an exam that determines whether all his and Ten’s work has paid off. 

He bounces his leg and doesn’t say a word as he waits for Doyoung to take a seat at his desk across from him. 

“Okay, Taeyong. How are we feeling today?” Doyoung said, as he sat down with a smile. 

Taeyong nodded as a response.

Doyoung expected this answer, as Taeyong was never the vocally responsive type. 

“So, I’m just gonna do a quick check-up, before we start your exam.”

Taeyong nodded again. 

“Okay, please stand up for me.” Doyoung said, standing up himself. Taeyong complied.

The check-up went smoothly, Taeyong was completely healthy physically, although for his height, he was in a low percentile but this was expected considering he never gets exercise. Taeyong was calm due to this. 

However, when Doyoung had them sit down again, and when he announced they were going to do the exam, Taeyong grew anxious. 

“Alright, let’s begin.” Doyoung said. “Tell me about your family.” 

Taeyong took a deep breath, picturing that he wasn’t in an office, and that he wasn’t talking to Doyoung, but that he was in his room, talking to a certain someone.

“My father, Lee Sooman was the CEO of SM entertainment. My mother, Park Dae was the CEO of Everglow Enterprise, and my sister, Lee Sunmi is four years older than me.” 

“Who was your favorite family member?”

“My sister, Sunmi.”

“Why?”

“She was always there for me when I would get-” Taeyong stopped suddenly. 

“When you would get…?” Doyoung asked. 

Taeyong lightly shook his head. “Hurt. When I would get hurt.”

Doyoung looked for a moment, and Taeyong saw sympathy in his eyes. 

Doyoung cleared his throat. “Tell me about your father.”

Taeyong’s father used to be the topic that set him off the most, but a certain someone helped lay that to rest. Now, Taeyong has come to peace with what happened to his father, so he had an easier time discussing him. 

“My father was a very kind, caring, and loving man. He was a great father. But he was ambitious, so ambitious that he would never be home to be that great father.” Taeyong said calmly.

Doyoung looked both surprised and pleased with Taeyong’s confidence in his answers. 

“Tell me about your mother.”

Taeyong’s breath hitched, though luckily it was too quiet for the other to hear. He intertwined his fingers, squeezing them gently to gain his composure. 

“My mother…”

Doyoung nodded, giving Taeyong time to find his words. 

“My mother was the perfect image on the outside, just like our family.” Taeyong said, with the last word dripping in sarcasm. 

“She was nice only when she wanted to be, but even then, it was fake and only for herself. She… wasn’t a good mother.” Taeyong glanced up at Doyoung, thankful that he didn’t question  _ exactly  _ why. 

“She was cruel, manipulative, and evil.” Taeyong finished it there. 

Doyoung smiled at Taeyong. He was pleased, proud, and happy for Taeyong. 

“That’s the end of that section.”

Taeyong’s mouth fell slightly open.  _ I did it. The hardest part is over.  _

“Now we’re just gonna do some simple ink blots. Pass this, and you pass.” Doyoung said, looking at Taeyong with a hopeful glint in his eyes. Taeyong nodded, this time a little more lively. 

He had already mastered ink blots with Ten, so this was going to be simple for him. 

Doyoung shuffled through some papers, before finding the one he wanted. He held up the ink blot. 

It was a green ink blot, it felt familiar. Taeyong felt a strong feeling of nostalgia surge through him. 

“I see a tree.” 

“Show me.” Doyoung said. Taeyong scooted forward and pointed out a clear tree. Doyoung nodded. “Correct.” 

Doyoung pulled out the next one. It was a purple one. Taeyong realized it was the same set from his and Ten’s first ever session.

“I see a butterfly.” Taeyong said, this time taking the initiative himself to point it out. Doyoung nodded. “Correct again.” 

This went on for the rest of the set. Taeyong pointed out the same answers, this time getting the same answers, but actually pointing them out. 

Then, the last ink blot came. It was the red one. 

Doyoung held it up, waiting for Taeyong to say his answer, his face morphed into one of comical surprise when he looked at Taeyong.

Taeyong was simply staring at the ink blot, with a bright smile on his face. 

“A cherry. I see a cherry.” He said, this time tracing one, clear image of a cherry. 

Doyoung stared at Taeyong for a moment, taking in the smile he had never seen before. He had a pretty good guess as to who made him smile. The smile was so bright, that Doyoung found himself smiling as well. 

“That is correct. Congratulations, Taeyong, you passed. Starting today, you will have the clearance to go outside to a certain amount of time, depending on the day. Your therapist will help you.” Doyoung said, hinting at something with the last sentence he spoke. Taeyong was too lost in his own thoughts to even notice. 

Doyoung stood up, leading Taeyong to the door. He smiled one last time before shutting the door behind him. 

As Taeyong stepped out, his eyes were immediately searching for a certain person. He stepped into the middle of the hall, not bothering about the people passing through. His eyes darted left and right, but he still couldn’t see him.

“Taeyong!” 

Taeyong turned to the source of the noise, seeing Ten rushing towards him. He saw that he was coming out of the bathroom. 

It was like Ten already knew that Taeyong passed, smiling brightly with a proud skip to his feet. 

In the last few meters of distance between the two, Ten broke out into a jog, launching himself into Taeyong’s arms. 

“What’d you get? Did you pass?” Ten asked, as if his attitude didn’t say that he already knew the answer. 

Taeyong buried his face into Ten’s neck, allowing himself to smile the brightest smile he’s ever made. 

“I did.” Taeyong whispered. “I passed.” 

Ten jumped up and down in Taeyong’s hold, giggling in excitement and happiness like an innocent child. He calmed down a bit, tightening his own arms around Taeyong’s neck, pulling him down a bit because of this. 

“I knew you could do it.” Ten whispered back. 

Taeyong had never felt so proud, so happy with himself. He let himself fall into the moment, ignoring everyone around them. 

_ I need you.  _

****

Ten and Taeyong had their normal session, just talking and listening to music. However, both of them could feel each other’s restlessness and excitement. Ten couldn’t wait to show Taeyong around, and Taeyong couldn’t wait to let Ten show him around. 

“This song, I think you’ll like.” Ten said. They were sitting on the bed, leaning against the wall. The two left no space in between them, but this had become normal. 

Taeyong looked at the screen and scoffed. “You’re still trying to prove this shit artist to me?” 

“Yes, I am! I can’t talk to you normally while knowing you don’t like my artist!”

Taeyong shook his head while clicking his tongue. “Shitty artist, shitty music taste. Are you sure  _ you _ don’t need rehab?” He teased.

He smirked when Ten sat up to slap his arm, and smiled fondly when Ten sat back down, this time laying his head on his shoulder. 

They sat in a comfortable silence until Ten looked at the clock and saw that it was break time. He shot up in excitement with a wide grin. 

“Free time.” 

Taeyong’s heart did a backflip.

****

Everyone couldn’t resist from turning their heads and smiling at the two people running around the halls like lunatics, especially since it was Ten and Taeyong, and especially,  _ especially _ , because Taeyong had the brightest, shit-eating grin on his face.

Even the most stone cold doctor of the hospital, Oh Sehun, had to steal a glance.  _ Fuck the no running policy. _

Taeyong was laughing as Ten pulled him eagerly along the halls, shouting a, ‘come on!’ every now and then. 

It didn’t register for him that he was about to go  _ outside,  _ somewhere outside the same hallway and room, until Ten took him to the main room. 

It was large, no,  _ giant  _ in Taeyong’s eyes. There were a few other patients talking, eating, laughing. They were people who Taeyong never met before, due to his prior circumstances. 

“Wow.” Ten said, breaking Taeyong from his reverie. The two now stood in front of the crowd, hands still linked. “I’m surprised there aren’t many people, usually this place is packed. I think you got lucky with the section you got.” 

Taeyong was surprised by this.  _ There are more people than this?  _ If he wasn’t holding Ten’s hand, he’d be at a loss of breath from anxiety, but the warmth sitting in his palm is like an oxygen tank for him. 

The two started walking again--well, Ten started walking, with Taeyong simply trailing behind. 

Taeyong flinched when he heard a loud shout for Ten’s name. His grip on the shorter’s hand tightened. 

“Ten!” A small, but loud boy yelled, running towards them. 

Taeyong was on edge, not knowing who this person was running towards them. He felt the warmth in his hand squeeze his, and he turned to Ten, who was smiling at the person coming to them. He couldn’t pull his eyes away from him. 

_ How do you know? How can you tell what I’m feeling when even I can’t? _

“Hey, Yangyang. How have you been?” Taeyong heard Ten say. The boy smiled in response, never laying an eye on Taeyong. 

The two conversed for a while, with Taeyong just standing there. 

“And this is Taeyong.” Ten suddenly introduced him with a smile.

Yangyang didn’t seem to see Taeyong before, and grew terrified. His eyes were wide and he was stepping back. Taeyong was confused as to why he received that action. 

Suddenly, it clicked. 

_ They’re afraid of me. _

Taeyong couldn’t do anything, his feet were frozen in place. He faintly registered the two talking, and looked up again when he heard Yangyang greet him. 

“Hi, Taeyong, nice to meet you. I’m Yangyang.” The boy said with a hesitant smile on his face. 

Taeyong had never talked to another patient in the hospital. He had only ever talked to officials. 

He stared at the brown haired boy, not knowing how to greet him. He ended up just staring.

Yangyang’s fake smile turned into a cringe, then a real smile, as he watched Taeyong’s sad attempts at a greeting. 

“Anyways,” Ten started, “I’m gonna go show this guy around.”

Yangyang nodded with a smile. “Okay! Oh, definitely get him the lunch special, it’s so good!”

“Will do, bye.” Ten said with a laugh. He pulled Taeyong along, into a more secluded hall connected to the main room. Taeyong followed obediently, taking in all the new surroundings. 

“That was Yangyang, he’s been here for about a year. Drug and Alcohol use.” Ten explained. Taeyong nodded.

“Come on, I wanna show you something.” Ten said, picking up their pace through the hospital. The further they walked, the less people they saw, until they ended up at a completely secluded place at the back of the hospital.

It was a small hall, with a couple of rooms on the sides. They walked further, and Taeyong looked through the windows. He saw multiple classrooms and art studios, until they stopped at the very end of the hall, with a door on either side. 

“I’ve been looking around the hospital for places you can go everyday, and I managed to find the perfect spot. No one ever comes here, for some reason.” Ten said. 

Taeyong felt himself being pulled away again, now facing the door on the left. 

“Ready?” Ten asked, looking up at Taeyong. 

Taeyong turned to Ten with confusion in his eyes. “For what?”

“For this.” Ten said, as he opened the door in front of them. They walked out to find a large garden, with all kinds of flowers decorating the little haven. 

Taeyong’s eyes sparkled unknowingly. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt the sun kiss his skin, or the aroma of the sweet wilderness filling his nostrils. He closed his eyes, taking a large inhale. He couldn’t stop the smile on his face, or the warmth in his chest. 

He opened his eyes, looking at Ten. He had almost forgotten he was there, and didn’t see the other staring at him with fond eyes the entire time. 

He smiled back, and took in the other’s appearance. The sun took a liking to him, and his features were lit up perfectly. His crescent moon eyes were sparkling, and the sunlight made his smile a thousand times more blinding. 

Taeyong thought he looked beautiful. 

He found that he couldn’t move on his own, until Ten finally looked away, unlinking their hands and running ahead onto the large grass area, up the hill. 

“Come on!” Ten called with a laugh, but Taeyong couldn’t move. It was like all the happiness and fondness was a thousand pound weight, causing him to be immobile. He watched Ten reach the top of the hill, turning around with a smile. 

Taeyong felt his breath hitch. 

The sun was cast on the other’s back, creating the perfect painting. The colors from the flowers around them burst into Taeyong’s eyes, and the light breeze pushing Ten’s raven hair forward was the final finish to the artwork. 

His eyes crinkled with a smile that was as bright as the sun above him. He advanced towards Ten, his first slow walking steps soon breaking into a full on run up the hill. 

When he reached the top of the hill, he scooped Ten up in his arms and twirled them around. He didn’t know why he felt the need to do this, but it felt right, and it felt even better hearing the other giggling loudly in his arms. 

He set Ten down after a moment, Ten looked at him and Taeyong looked back. They both wore fond smiles for each other, and the only noise that could be heard was their slightly laboured breaths. None of them moved, even after Ten spoke. 

“Do you like it?” 

Taeyong tenderly sighed. He slowly stepped even closer, so that there was no space between them. He reached down, slowly intertwining his fingers with Ten’s, never taking his eyes off the other. Feeling Ten’s hands naturally responding to his own, he lifted them so that they were hovering on their sides, similar to when Ten was helping Taeyong with his breathing earlier. 

The patient lightly squeezed the therapists hands, leaning forward to place a soft kiss on the other’s forehead.

They stood like this, with Taeyong’s lips pressed in their place. Both of their eyes were closed, and smiles adorned their faces. Ten’s cheeks held a faint blush as he looked down shyly. 

“I love it.” Taeyong said against Ten’s skin. He unlinked their hands and moved his own to the other’s waist, and, like it’s been engraved in their brains, Ten’s arms found their homely spot around Taeyong’s neck. 

They stared at each other for a moment. There seemed to be a force between them, like two magnets were attracting them to one another. 

So they let themselves be pulled. They let themselves fall into the comfortable warmth of the sun, the soft blades of grass, and the rhythmic beating of their hearts. One spoke of gratitude, the other of fondness. 

Their foreheads naturally connected, and Taeyong felt himself pulling the other closer. 

_ I need you.  _

He felt Ten’s arms tighten around him. 

Ten pulled back and looked into Taeyong’s eyes. Taeyong noticed a glint of something in Ten’s eyes, like he had found something in his own orbs. 

“C’mon.” Ten said softly, softer than the light buzz of the cicadas around them, or the song tunes of the singing birds. He said it like it was something sacred, like it was only meant for him. Taeyong liked the feeling. 

Ten pulled away, linking their hands again and guiding Taeyong back down the hill. This time, they went slower, as they both felt that the new mood they had created called for a leisurely pace. 

Ten nearly slipped a couple times going down the hill, laughing and thanking Taeyong every time he caught the other. 

Taeyong felt a warmth in his chest every time he was thanked. This warmth wasn’t the heat of the sun, no, it was something else.  _ I want to catch you when you fall, like you lifted me up when I had already hit the ground.  _

They had eventually ended up at the other end of the hallway, the other door standing in front of them. 

“You can do the honors.” Ten said, smiling. Taeyong was sure the sun had followed them into the building, because he was blinded by Ten’s grin. 

Taeyong snorted playfully. “Is this your master plan to kill me?” 

Ten laughed. “No, not today. And, trust me, I’d give way more pizzazz if that were the case.”

Taeyong smiled, and turned the knob of the door. As the door creaked open, Taeyong never peeked around it. He wanted to savor the moment, opening a new door with Ten following behind him. He felt that if he peeked through, he would ruin the feeling of surprise he wished to receive upon walking through a new, wooden door for the first time in years.

The first surprise that greeted him was the smell of paper and clean wood. It reminded him of his aunt’s house, when he would bury his face into sheet music, and sit at the piano, bringing the notes to life. 

That being said, Taeyong was shocked to see the object of his recurring memories sitting right in front of his very eyes. He recalled Ten asking him to play multiple songs, but he never thought he’d actually be able to play them for him. A strong sense of pride and excitement surged through him. 

He was broken out of his thoughts when he felt Ten’s chin hook over his shoulder. He turned to be greeted with the sight of the other’s pale skin, cherry red lips, and his perfectly sloped nose. Taeyong felt his heart spike. 

His heart ended up doing more than just spike, when Ten’s face morphed into a full blown grin and he sang the tune of his cheerful laugh. 

“I take it you like the surprise?” He mused.

Taeyong stared at Ten’s lips, feeling his face mirror the other’s smile. “What gives you that idea? I could hate it and you would never be able to tell.”

Ten scoffed with fake offense. “Oh please, we both know I can read you well, even if you tried to hide your happiness. Besides, you would’ve walked through the door by now if not for the joy you must’ve felt.”

Taeyong responded only with hum and a slight smile. He then took his time to admire Ten’s features. His eyes glazed over the shorter’s feline eyes, the wisps of hair falling over his forehead, and the cheeks, which looked more red than before. 

He was broken out of his admiring daze when Ten cleared his throat and removed his chin from his shoulder. 

“Aren’t you gonna go in?”

Taeyong stared for a second in confusion before nodding and turning his head back to the room filled with music. He walked to the middle of the room and looked around in awe. There was a plethora of instruments, CD’s, records, even a microphone, accompanied by the stand and speaker. 

But his eyes were trained on the piano in front of him, turning away once to see Ten now standing next to him, only to look back to the keys again. 

“If you just keep staring I’m going to start to think that you can’t actually play.” Ten spoke, breaking the silence. He put his hand on Taeyong’s back, gently pushing him towards the piano. 

Taeyong sat down at the bench, Ten joining him soon after. 

There was a silence. It was so silent that their heartbeats could’ve been heard. No one moved, spoke, or played anything. Yet, the silence was so  _ loud _ . So loud, but comfortable at the same time. The whole situation felt like a contradiction of itself. One was patiently waiting for the other to proceed, while the latter was waiting for the ability to be able to. 

Taeyong inhaled deeply, slowly raising his hands till they were level with the keys. His fingers made contact with the white notes and slid up the smooth surfaces, careful not to play anything yet. 

“How long has it been since you played?” Ten spoke so soft, it was almost a whisper. 

Taeyong took a moment to count the amount of years. 

“Nine years. It’s been nine years.”

Ten nodded in understanding. “Can you play me that song I asked you to play for me a long time ago?” He asked. His tone held a little bit of taunting, which drove Taeyong with confidence. 

Taeyong nodded, taking a moment, before beginning to play. 

The piece he played was melancholy in a joyful way, mixing together somehow to bring one the feeling of nostalgia. 

Taeyong played through the song, and began to improvise it further, expanding it to savor the moment. He felt the weight of Ten’s head rest on his shoulder, enticing his playing even more. 

This went on for so long, that the sun had already put itself to rest, bringing out it’s little friend called the moon. It was always interesting to Taeyong that time can move so slowly, that you almost want to rip your hair out, but it can also move so fast, to where you don’t even remember its existence. However, the time didn’t ever change its pace, you simply cared about it depending on what position you were in, or what you were doing.

Now, the two were exploring the room more. Ten was looking at the various instruments strewn across the walls, while Taeyong browsed through the records. Taeyong was relieved to know that Ten requested more time during their break, and was gladly given it by the nurses at the front desk. 

He was deftly flipping through the records until one in particular caught his attention, his eyes looked around the large cover, the title, and the artist, feeling the odd need to play that one in particular. 

He moved to the record player, setting the large disc down, and lifting up the stylus and moving it to the desired track. The crunchy static of the friction was heard, before the song began filling the room. (Play the song listed in the notes now!)

Taeyong turned around, meeting Ten’s eyes from across the room. 

“So, first you hate on my artist, then you play their song?” Ten asked playfully while closing the distance between them. 

Taeyong shrugged with a smirk. “I guess I pity the guy.” He responded, now walking towards the other as well. 

Eventually, the distance between them was nearly non-existent, as the two stood in front of each other. 

“Do you remember when we first shared music with each other?” Taeyong asked. 

Ten nodded, his face showing a clear indication that he was reliving the memory. 

“Well, I distinctly remember you saying that you would dance for me, but you never actually did, and I think it’s only fair that you do since played for you.” He said with a smirk. 

Ten’s pleased and calm face morphed into one of shock and betrayal. He sputtered. “W-well this isn’t even the right song to dance to, this is a slow song.” He defended. 

Taeyong’s playful smirk turned into a soft smile as he extended his hand for the other to take. He didn’t know why he was doing any of this, it felt like his body was running in its own accord, and he had no control. But he didn’t complain, because somehow, it all felt  _ right _ .

Ten’s sputtering ceased as he looked at the hand, then at Taeyong. He had an obvious look of surprise on his face, but took his hand nonetheless with a shy smile. 

Taeyong looked at Ten as he pulled him in with almost heavy eyelids, his other hand coming to his waist. He pressed their linked hands against his heart. Ten slithered his leftover arm underneath Taeyong’s underarm, pressing his hand against his shoulder blade. 

They swayed with the music, their bodies pressed flush together. Their movements were so in sync, it looked rehearsed. Ten’s head rested on Taeyong’s shoulder, while the latter leaned his head towards him like it was being pulled to it like a magnet. 

As the song began coming to an end, Ten lifted his head from Taeyong’s shoulder, and Taeyong moved his head back up. The two now stared at each other, faces so close, their eyelashes were almost touching. Their eyes were alternating between their lips and each other’s colored orbs. 

Taeyong felt his heartbeat quickening, and he was so sure he could feel Ten’s doing the same. 

He felt the urge to lean in, and he felt the same feeling coming from Ten. However, he didn’t notice they were both already doing this until he felt the other’s lips brush against his own, their noses now pressing into each other’s cheeks. 

He could feel Ten’s breath mingling with his own, both of theirs shaking slightly. 

Finally, Ten quickly closed the distance, causing Taeyong to gasp. It took a moment for either of them to move, Ten being the one to initiate it. 

Taeyong’s body felt like it was being thrown into a microwave, feeling it quickly heat up. When he felt Ten’s lips move against his own, he felt that if he had any control over his body before, he sure didn’t have any now. 

He unlinked their hands, gripping Ten’s waist and pulling him impossibly closer, their bodies now left with no space in between them. He felt one of Ten’s arms slither around his neck, attempting to lessen the space even further. He felt the other hand hold his cheek, the thumb gently stroking his skin. 

Taeyong brushed his tongue across Ten’s lower lip, asking for entrance, which Ten gladly gave. As soon as their tongues touched, Ten released a moan into Taeyong’s mouth. Taeyong responded to this by pressing his mouth further against Ten’s, causing the latter’s back to arch. 

Soon, as they slowly pulled apart, Taeyong felt like they just came from the sky, now slowly floating back down. Their foreheads remained pressed against each other, their faces still close. 

“Maybe that artist isn’t so bad after all.” Taeyong joked, causing Ten to laugh and press another light kiss on Taeyong’s lips. 

Taeyong found his answer, his fairy tale. He didn’t need to be told a story anymore, because he was living it. 

_ You are my savior. _

_ Ten _ .

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone know how to clear their cache? I've been trying to respond and comment on other stories for so long, but my stupid phone won't let me! I'm really sorry to anyone who didn't get a response from Chapter 7, I guess I'll have to use my laptop for a while lmao. 
> 
> Anyways, I only proof read this halfway, so I apologize for any typos or mistakes. 
> 
> Also, there is a cliffhanger in this chapter, but don't worry, I have the next chapter already ready. I made it a cliffhanger for the sake of the chapter length, but also because PEOPLE ACTUALLY THINK THAT THIS FIC ENDED ALREADY. For future reference, I'll end this story with a fat ass, "The End", so don't think I'm ending this anytime soon!
> 
> Enjoy!

_**WARNING: MENTION OF VOMIT, DO NOT READ IF SENSITIVE** _

Ten was happy.

No, scratch that, he was _elated_. 

Sure, he’s usually always very cheerful and bright, but right now, he feels like he could eat a thousand fruits and not even _flinch_ , and that means a _lot_. 

He was now heading home from the hospital with a bounce in his steps, and a maniacal grin on his face, feeling like he was dreaming.

Eventually, he began to run, wanting to get to Jungwoo and tell him everything as fast as possible. 

When he arrived at the door, he rushed to get it open. He slammed it open, causing his innocent brother to flinch when the door hit the wall. 

“Woo!” Ten said, panting. He stood there dramatically, like a hero who just accomplished their mission and now it was the ending shot and the heroic pose. 

“What? What happened.” Jungwoo asked, confused. He was peacefully texting Lucas on the couch, when he was disturbed by his all too excited brother. 

Ten didn’t reply, instead, he closed the door and jumped on Jungwoo with a laugh. The other squeaked as they toppled over. 

Ten held himself up on his arms, trapping Jungwoo with a creepy grin. Jungwoo looked horrified. 

“Taeyong and I kissed.”

All of Jungwoo’s initial fear of his creepy ass brother left his body and replaced itself with uncontrollable excitement. He shot up, pushing Ten off him. 

“What?!”

“I know!”

Jungwoo was at a loss for words.

“You-”

“Mhm.” Ten said, nodding. His face was red from trying to hold in his laugh. 

“Taeyong-”

“Mhm!”

Jungwoo sputtered. He looked down with closed eyes and massaged his temples. “My mind can’t even process this right now.” He whined, causing Ten to laugh. 

“I know, I’m still in a daze.”

“Well? Tell me everything! How did it happen?” 

Ten smiled. 

“Well he passed his test, right, and I was so happy for him I wanted to cry. Then we waited for his break time. I swear, Woo, I have never felt more excited in my entire life. I was almost shaking. Then I showed him around, we talked to Yangyang and-”

“Wait, Taeyong had an interaction with someone other than you and Doyoung?!” Jungwoo asked. He had a pretty good imagination of what Taeyong was like, and from the stories that Ten had told him, he definitely wasn’t the social type. 

“I _know_! I was so proud of him. Anyways, I took him to that place I was telling you about, that hallway where no one goes,” Ten said, continuing once Jungwoo nods, showing that he does remember. 

“And the _smile_ on his face made my heart literally creep out my ass. It was the cutest thing ever.”

Jungwoo grimaced. “Your heart creeping out of your ass or Taeyong’s smile?” He asked, laughing when Ten hit his shoulder. 

“You know what I mean. Anyways, then I needed to calm my nerves so I ran up this grassy hill, and little did I know, Taeyong was watching me the whole time instead of the flowers. I felt like I was in a movie, he was just staring at me with this sparkle in his eyes.”

Jungwoo let Ten have a moment to himself to squeal. He had never seen him so love-struck, it was endearing, to say the least. 

“I asked him if he liked the place, and he started _running_ up the hill to me, and I nearly fell off, which would’ve been sad as hell. Then, he fucking _picks me up_ and _twirls_ me around like I’m some kind of princess. I felt like I left my tiara back in the room, it felt that good. Then he sets me down, takes my hands, and kisses my fucking forehead, saying, ‘I love it’” Ten said, trying to deepen his voice to match Taeyong’s.

Now both of them were squealing. Their arms were flailing around like they had just seen a spider. 

“I never thought Taeyong would be so romantic!” Jungwoo screamed. 

“I know! It was like the sun made him a whole new person!” Ten screeched. 

“But that’s not it, there’s more.” Ten added, straightening up again, causing Jungwoo to do the same. 

“At that point, we were done with the garden, and so I took him to the music room. I was so excited. Then, he walked in, and his face was literally the _cutest_ thing I have ever seen, even cuter than those cats that are always outside your cafe, what are their names? Lewis?-”

“Louis and Leon.” Jungwoo quickly clarified, a bit surprised. “Damn, you’re so whipped you forgot the names of your favorite cats?”

“I know. I can’t really think straight right now.”

Jungwoo laughed, “You never-”

“Don’t you _dare,_ make a sexuality joke right now.” Ten interrupting sternly, quickly shutting the other up. Jungwoo nodded obediently. 

“Anyways,” Ten said with a dreamy sigh, already back to his love-sick state. “He looked so surprised and happy at the same time. He had this little bounce in his feet which made me smile so hard, I probably looked like I was gonna murder him.”

Jungwoo laughed at Ten’s interesting word choice. 

“So, then I asked him to play a song for me on the piano, and I was _not_ disappointed. That man can _play_. His playing was so relaxing, I rested my head on his shoulder and I felt like I could take a nap, right then and there.”

“It’s crazy to me how this guy is the most feared patient in all of that hospital, but you and him seem to have so much skin contact.” Jungwoo said.

“I don’t know. It’s just so comfortable with him. Most of the time actually, he uses contact to communicate. It’s fucking adorable.” Ten said, his smile growing larger by the second. He finished his sentence by waving his balled fists around frantically. Jungwoo laughed and reciprocated the action. 

“Okay, okay, _then,_ I managed to get us more time for the break and we were just looking around the music room. Then, all of the sudden, one of my favorite songs starts playing, and so, I turn around, and he’s standing there with such poise that I don’t even think he knew he had. I felt like he was a Prince. Anyways, then he says, ‘Do you remember when you said that you would dance for me’. Then, I got so flustered, I was spitting and looking all red. Not one of my finest moments.”

Jungwoo laughed at that, as well as Ten’s continuous deep voice he puts on to mimic Taeyong.

“ _Then_ , you won’t _believe_ what happened next. I told him the song was too slow, and it wasn’t a good song to dance to, but then he fucking _holds_ out his hand and asks me to slow dance with him.”

Jungwoo looked amazed. “That’s so cute!”

Ten squealed. “I know! So, then, I took his hand, and I’m telling you, I’ve held his hand before, _many_ times, but this time, it just felt different, I was _imploding_ with giddiness. And, so, we started dancing, which by the way, I’ve never slow danced, but we did damn _good_. He’s probably an actual prince because who the fuck slow dances that well? 

Anyways, while we were dancing, he was looking at me with this look that I can’t even describe, but it nearly made me completely stumble, which would’ve been bad. But _then_ , the song was coming to an end, and we were just staring at each other, and I don’t know what came over me, but I started leaning in, right, and I realized that _he was too_ . So we stood there, our lips nearly brushing against each other, until I finally got the courage to lean in and seal the deal, and _bitch,_ if that wasn’t the best kiss I had ever had, I don’t know what is.”

“No way, you’ve kissed way too many people to tell.” Jungwoo said skeptically. 

“No! I’m serious! I know for a _fact_ , that no one had ever gotten me _that_ worked up that much in a matter of seconds. I’m not even kidding, I _moaned_ when our tongues touched, and I _never_ moan at something as little as that.”

“Okay, okay, I think I get it.” Jungwoo said, laughing. Sure, he loved hearing about his brother’s adventures, but he’s not sure if he can handle something _that_ specific. He’d prefer to live his life _without_ knowing what makes his brother moan and what doesn’t.

Ten laughed at Jungwoo’s face. “But yeah, needless to say, Taeyong’s a good ass kisser. After we pulled away, we just stood there holding each other, it felt like a movie. We just hung out after that, until we were told that our time was over. I would’ve stayed the night, but I needed to tell you all this as soon as possible, I couldn’t wait.”

“As happy as I am for you, can’t you not date inside the workplace?” Jungwoo asked. 

Ten bit his lip and thought for a moment, his brows furrowed. He had been so lost in his feelings that he hadn’t even realized he and Taeyong couldn’t openly date. 

“I guess I didn’t think about that. I guess we’re gonna have to go on the down low, cause I’m not just gonna give this up for some silly rule, you know?” 

Jungwoo shook his head with a smile. “Who would’ve known that the thing to break my brother was his own patient?”

Ten shook his head. “I’ve never felt this way before, about anyone.”

Jungwoo took a mock offense to that claim. “You don’t love me?” he said, laughing when Ten lightly slapped his arm, muttering a quiet ‘shut up’. There was a moment of silence before Ten sat up abruptly, causing his brother to jump. 

“Who brought _love_ into this?” Ten said, surprise with a mix of panic on his face. 

“Oh, _come on_ , Ten! You and I both know that the entire time you were telling that story, you were love-struck, you heard that word? _Love_ -struck. L-O-V-E, love. Don’t try and deny it.”

Ten looked down like a child being scolded. “But I’ve haven’t even known him for a year! And we _just_ kissed.”

“There’s no limit to how early you can fall in love with someone. If you do, you do, there’s nothing time related that should take that feeling away from you.”

Ten stayed silent, before realizing something.

“You sure seem to know a lot about love, almost like you’ve experienced it.” He said, squinting at the other. 

Now it was Jungwoo’s turn to become flustered. “W-well… I-I-”

“I knew it! You’re totally in love with Lucas!” Ten said, bouncing on the couch and hitting Jungwoo. After Ten finally stopped, thanks to Jungwoo’s numerous pleas, the latter spoke. 

“Yeah… I do love him.” He said, a smile growing on his face. 

Ten laughed and clapped. Jungwoo soon did the same. 

“When are you going to tell him?” 

Jungwoo’s mood suddenly saddened. “I… I’ve thought about it, a lot, actually, and I’m _scared_ , you know? I’ve tried to confess my love before, in fourth grade, and look what happened, it completely blew up in my face. What’s even worse, is that the fourth grade confession was nothing. I thought I was in love, but it was just a silly crush. But _now_ , I _know_ that what Lucas and I have is real, and the thought that it could all be ruined with just three words? It’s fucking terrifying.”

Ten gave Jungwoo a moment to think through his emotions. He knew Jungwoo would feel this. It’s normal for people who have been through a lot. Especially for people like Jungwoo, who was scarred into thinking that no one would ever love him back.

He reached out a hand to let his brother hold.

“Woo,” Ten started. Jungwoo looked up, a couple tears escaping from his eyes. “Do you remember how Lucas confessed to you?” 

Jungwoo nodded weakly. “He handed me a broken bouquet and confessed.” he said, causing both of them to laugh softly.

“You know, I was with him, before he confessed to you.” Ten said. Jungwoo looked up, the surprise obvious on his face. 

Ten softly laughed at the other’s expressions, and nodded. “He called me over to help him set up what he was _going_ to confess to you with. The panic in his voice was so strong, even I started sweating before he even told me what was wrong.” Ten said, emitting more quiet laughter from the two. 

“I went over and the place was a mess. It looked awful, _smelled_ awful- seriously how did you deal with that awful cologne he wore?”

Jungwoo chuckled. “At first I hated it, but I got used to it because it started to smell like home. He doesn’t wear it anymore though.”

“That’s because, when I came over, I told him to throw it out.” Ten laughed. 

“My point is,” Ten started, when the comfortable silence engulfed them again. “When I was there, he was so freaked out about how you would react to the candles, the bouquets, everything he did. That’s when I knew that he truly cared for you.” Ten said. He reached out, cupping Jungwoo’s cheeks and gently wiping his tears away with his thumbs.

“Don’t beat yourself up over something that happened in fourth grade, because like you said, this is different, this is _love_. I’ve seen Lucas express his love for you, and you need to take the risk to try and see it yourself. You need to see how much you’ve grown, and how that only adds to the list of things for why you should love yourself, and why Lucas could love you too. Confidence is hard to find, but it starts with you loving yourself, because it helps you know what you have to offer. I love you, and it’s the easiest thing in the world, so it’s not hard for me to believe that Lucas would feel the same.

It’s always okay to be scared, but that doesn’t mean eliminating any reason that things _could_ go your way. You have so many things to give, okay? Don’t let your fears suppress them.”

Jungwoo nodded determinedly. A sob tore his throat the moment Ten pulled him close, laying his head on his shoulder. Ten carded his fingers through the other’s hair, whispering sweet and encouraging words. 

After a moment, Jungwoo lifted his head off the other’s shoulders, wiping his tears and smiling. “What would I do without you?”

“Not be there to make me happy.” Ten said, watching with adoration as Jungwoo dipped his head shyly. 

“Thank you, Ten.” Jungwoo said, and Ten was proud to see the spark of determination in his brother’s eyes. 

****

Taeyong was happy. 

He’s happy, but he doesn’t know how to deal with that happiness. He had never felt this feeling before, and he felt like he should be running around yelling to the world how happy he was, or holding Ten in his arms, _thanking_ him, for bringing him this feeling, for being his savior. 

He was sitting on his bed, rocking back and forth in his position, his eyes trained on the tiny sliver of the moon he could see outside his window, a bright smile adorning his face. 

Suddenly, the beep of his door echoed through the room, causing Taeyong to snap his head towards it. Even if it were unreasonable, he likes to hope that Ten would surprise him at this god awful hour.

Taeyong’s smile dimmed when he saw that it was just Doyoung. The doctor looked sullen, like he had just heard news he didn’t want to hear. 

“Hey, Taeyong,” Doyoung said, closing the door behind him. “I was hoping we could talk about something I’d like to know about.”

Taeyong didn’t respond. He knew Doyoung would yap away, no matter what his answer really was. The guy is full of rhetorical questions.

Doyoung sat down on the chair across the room from him. He got comfortable, using that time as an opportunity to clearly lay out his words and evaluate what Taeyong’s state could be. 

“I’ve been receiving reports that you’ve been throwing away your medications?” 

Taeyong didn’t really know what to respond, he didn’t have an excuse for it, and he didn’t want to end up being forced to take them. He stayed silent. 

Doyoung expected this, as always. He continued to speak. 

“You never stopped taking your medications before. What changed?”

Silence. 

“Taeyong… I think you and I both know the answer to this question, and if you don’t answer me now, I’m gonna have to report Ten.”

Taeyong’s head snapped up at that. An indescribable panic and anger overcame him. Doyoung seemed to sense this, his eyes slightly widening and he became on edge. Taeyong noticed this, and began to breathe slowly, closing his eyes and unclenching his fists, trying to calm down again.

“Ten didn’t do anything.” He spoke confidently. 

Doyoung raised his eyebrows. “So, it was you who came up with the idea to stop taking them?”

Taeyong stuttered. “N-no but-”

“So, who did?”

“W-well Ten, but-”

“Taeyong, I can’t let Ten’s actions slide. Do you know the withdrawals you could get? The possible symptoms on top of your diagnosis won’t help the situation.”

Taeyong grew frustrated. He felt like he was in a box that was slowly filling with water and he couldn’t handle it. It was only a matter of time before he caused an outburst. 

“Ten may have said the words, but it was my decision to follow them. The medications never did anything for me, and neither did you. Ten’s the only one who _cares_ about me in this god damn _fucking_ hospital! Take him away from me, and you take away everything that is helping me. You’re taking away my _happiness_.” Taeyong yelled, slowly advancing towards Doyoung. 

Doyoung looked alarmed, and surprised at the words that escaped Taeyong’s mouth. “Taeyong-”

“And as for the withdrawals, I _did_ have them, and Ten was there for me, _every_ step of the _fucking_ way. And where were you? This hospital’s most renowned doctor? You were gone! You were on a work leave, which you seem to have every fucking day!” Taeyong spat. He could feel the skin breaking in his hands again, but he would take it over hitting something, or someone. 

There was a silence, an ear piercing silence, that Doyoung was too astonished to fill, and Taeyong too angry. 

“Taeyong… I don’t really know what to say…”

“Just don’t say anything. Ten did it to help me, there is no point in reporting him for it.”

Doyoung nodded. “I understand that now, and I’m sorry for putting Ten in that position. But what surprised me the most is what you said about me. I… I never knew you felt that way.”

Taeyong stood still, his fists unclenched, ignoring the blood crawling down his hands, reaching for the floor. 

“Ten is the only person who gave me the courage to say what I feel.” Taeyong said as a matter-of-factly. 

Doyung laughed weakly. “He’s that good, huh?”

Taeyong looked down, smiling fondly. “Yeah. He is.”

****

The next few weeks only heightened Ten’s happiness. 

Him and Taeyong were better than ever, and the other never failed to make Ten’s heart beat like a love-sick teenage girl. He was happy, as long as Taeyong was. 

It was a normal day. He woke up, excited and ready to go to work to see his… whatever he is to him, until he heard frantic shuffling outside. 

He ran outside into the main room of his apartment, finding Jungwoo kneeling with his head pressed to the ground, clawing at his scalp. His breath was laboured and he was muttering incoherent words. Ten’s body was filled with panic, wondering of all what could’ve gone wrong in a matter of seconds. 

“Woo? Woo!” Ten yelled, running to his brother. He kneeled next to him, gently laying his hands on his shoulders. 

The other flinched at the contact. His eyes shot up to Ten. They were drowning in tears of panic and fear. 

“Ten… It won’t go away. It won’t stop!” he screamed, pounding on his head with his hands. 

Ten quickly shushed the other, trapping his hands in his own to prevent them from hitting himself anymore. “Woo, it’s okay, I’m here, okay? Just breathe slowly first. In and out.” he quickly represented this by doing so himself. 

It took a moment for Jungwoo’s anxiety attack to be washed away by calm and slow breaths. With one final exhale, the male collapsed onto Ten due to exhaustion. The latter quickly caught the taller, and dragged him to his bedroom. 

After setting his exhausted brother down, Ten quickly rushed into his room to grab his phone. He dialed Doyoung. 

****

When his call was finished, he swiftly went back into Jungwoo’s room to check on him.

He peeked his head through the door and saw his brother sleeping peacefully. Ten smiled, something he can never stop himself from doing at the sight of his sleeping brother. There’s something so innocent about the way he looks when he sleeps. 

Careful not to wake him up, Ten slid in next to the sleeping body. He decided to stay by his brother’s side until he wakes up, not wanting the other to panic, thinking he left. 

****

Ten turned around when he felt Jungwoo shift in the bed, waking up. The taller looked around tiredly, clearly looking for his best friend. His red puffy eyes landed on Ten, and took on the expression of relief. 

“Hey…” Ten called softly. “How are you feeling?”

Jungwoo took a moment to find out how he really was feeling, before responding. 

“A little better. It’s gone.” Jungwoo mumbled, his voice dry and cracking. By ‘it’, he means the voice in his head that drives his depression, his anxiety and insecurities. It hasn’t come back since he had opened up to Ten, and that worries the shorter. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Ten asked. Jungwoo nodded, sitting up a little more and rubbing his sore eyes. 

“Okay, I’ll go get you some water real quick, okay?” Ten said, getting up once receiving affirmation from the other. 

Ten came back quickly. He handed the cup to the other, which was very generously dranken from by the tired male. 

There was a moment of silence, with Ten slipping back into the bed, giving the other a moment to himself, and Jungwoo soothing his dry throat. 

“So, walk me through what happened.” Ten started softly. 

Jungwoo stared at his water, gently twirling the cup, but speaking. “I told Lucas, I love him.” His voice came out as a hushed whisper, but it was enough for Ten to be able to hear him. 

Ten simply responded by placing his hand over Jungwoo’s, softly caressing the skin, encouraging the other. 

“I… I really thought that he felt the same way you know? After the talk you and I had, and how amazing it’s been with him. I guess I shouldn’t have been so sure.” Jungwoo said, still staring at his cup. 

“What happened?” Ten asked after a moment. His tone was soft, almost motherly. 

Jungwoo inhaled deeply before speaking. “It was just a normal day, really. Lucas and I were behind the cafe for our lunch break, talking about nothing in particular. The entire time, I was just trying to come up with the courage to say it, get it out of my mouth for once. One thing led to another, and I ended up saying the words after we pulled away from a kiss.”

His eyes began to fill with tears, and Ten could feel the anger bubbling from the back of his throat. 

“He just _looked_ at me, like I had said something wrong. Then he ran away from me without another word.” Jungwoo laughed bitterly. “It’s like the one time I put myself out there, thinking I’d come out happy, it blows up in my face. I don’t even know what I did to deserve that from him.”

Ten quickly shook his head, sitting up and clutching Jungwoo’s hand. “Woo, you did _nothing_ wrong. You put yourself out there, which is the bravest thing you could do. I’m so proud of you for it. It’s not your fault for what happened, it was Lucas’ decision to run away, not yours.”

Jungwoo bit his lip, a couple of tears rolling down his face. “But why…? Why did he walk away?” 

“I don’t know. But he did, and right now you should focus on healing yourself from it.” Ten calmly said, gently pulling Jungwoo’s head onto his shoulder.

They sat like this, a gentle sway taking over their bodies. Jungwoo soon fell asleep to Ten’s humming and rocking. 

As soon as Ten saw this, he gently laid Jungwoo back down to sleep some more. He made a note saying he went to the grocery store and left. 

He needs to find out what the fuck Lucas was thinking. 

****

The next few weeks only heightened Taeyong’s happiness. 

They had spent every break together, showing each other music, dancing, singing… _kissing_ , and Taeyong never felt so content. He accepted the fact that they needed to keep their relationship a secret, that being clarified by Ten when Taeyong tried to kiss him in front of everyone in the cafeteria. It’s not like he had anyone he really needed to share it with. He was happy, as long as Ten was. 

It was a normal day, with Taeyong awaiting the beep that signals his beacon of light coming to see him. However, the only person who came through the door was Doyoung, with a phone in hand. He looked up and met Taeyong’s eyes. 

“Hey Taeyong, Ten’s on the phone for you.” Doyoung said, handing Taeyong the device. He mouthed a quiet, ‘I’ll leave you two alone’, before momentarily closing the door. Taeyong felt a strange sense of pride that he was trustworthy enough to where Doyoung can comfortably leave the room with his phone in the patient’s hands. 

Taeyong looked back at the phone, slowly raising it to his ear. 

“Ten…?” Taeyong called, almost hesitantly. He hadn’t picked up a phone call in a while. 

“Hey, Taeyong.” Ten said, smiling softly. “Listen, I won’t be able to come today. I’m really sorry. Jungwoo had an attack and I really need to be there for him.”

Taeyong knew who Jungwoo was, he was Ten’s brother. Sometimes, Taeyong even thanks the man he had never met, because Ten told him without finding Jungwoo, he wouldn’t have chosen to become a therapist. He smiled at the other’s compassion. Although he is sad that Ten won’t be there with him, he knows that Ten looks out for everyone in his life. 

That being said, He won’t just let Ten hang up without teasing him for a little bit. 

He looked at the door, and spoke when he saw that it was closed shut. “And what about me? You need to be here for me too, I have an emergency.” he spoke, as serious as he could. 

Taeyong could hear some shuffling on the other side of the line, before hearing Ten’s voice again. 

“What do you mean? What’s wrong? Do I need to be there?” Ten said, worriedly. 

Taeyong tried hard not to laugh. He put on his best pouting voice and spoke. “My lips are lonely, and they need kissing.”

Ten sighed and laughed. “You’re so annoying. Your lips will live.”

Taeyong chuckled in a low tone. “Really? What about my di-”

“Bye!” Ten said, hanging up. 

Taeyong smiled, calling Doyoung back to give him his phone. Doyoung couldn’t hide the proud smile on his face at the fact that his trust in Taeyong was well taken care of. 

****

Taeyong spent his day without Ten like he usually would, sitting around and doing nothing, lost in his own thoughts. 

Doyoung came in and told him his break time had started. “You can go off alone. I trust that you won’t need someone’s guidance?”

Taeyong nodded. 

He got up when Doyoung left completely. If he was being honest, he felt pretty lost without Ten. He had never had a break without the other there with him yet.

He looked around walking through the hallways, reading the signs above for navigation. He could go to their usual hallway, but it’s not the same without Ten. 

He decided to go to the hospital’s library, hoping that place wasn’t too busy. 

His wishes were not granted. 

He walked into to meet multiple faces looking at him. He’s still not quite used to all the looks of fear, surprise, and apprehension he gets, and he fidgeted from where he was standing. He dashed into the library behind the shelves, sighing when he finally heard the chatter pick up again. 

When he opened his eyes, he was met with a large row of books. He wasn’t a huge book reader, but seeing something you never really get to see anymore will never fail to make you appreciative of the opportunity. 

He walked through the empty shelves, scrolling through all the books. Nothing really interested him, until something in the magazine section caught his eye. He picked it up, fascinated and intrigued by the subject and title. 

_‘Dating 101’_

Taeyong gulped. _Why the fuck would I want this? Ten and I aren’t even dating._

_Are we?_

He quickly flipped through the book, halting, and then flipping back trying to find something that caught his eye. 

It was a picture of a woman and a man kissing, Taeyong wasn’t interested in the photo, he was interested in the title. 

_‘How to tell your feelings.’_

Taeyong shook his head, closing the magazine, but holding his thumb between the pages. _It’s just a dumb magazine, probably made by some guy living in his mom’s basement who isn’t even dating anyone,_ he thought, but not moving to put it away.

He sat down against a shelf, staring at the cover. His eyes stopped at a simple sentence. 

_‘100% works! Give it a chance!’_

Taeyong froze, his brows furrowed. _Fuck this,_ he thought, before snapping the magazine back open. 

‘ _People always ask us this question, ‘How am I supposed to tell whether or not I truly like this person?’ Well, our team found this question very helpful, and put together a short guide on how to tell your feelings._

_This is assuming that you have already lip-locked with the other person. Now if you guys have kissed, then you probably know what to do!’_

_Bullshit,_ Taeyong thought. He had done a lot more than just kissing, with a lot of people, back in his… rebellious days, so to speak. He had felt nothing compared to what a simple look at Ten makes him feel, so physical contact is nothing to go off. Taeyong scoffed, and returned to reading. 

His eyes nearly bulged out the back of his head because of the next sentence. It was like the magazine was reading his thoughts. 

‘ _Now, to all our playboys and playgirls out there, there is more to just simple kissing. Do you ever feel different than the others when having any sort of physical touch with them? Does your heart beat faster than normal, not because of the exertion, but because how the other person is making you feel?’_

 _What the fuck,_ Taeyong thought. He did feel that with Ten. In fact, he didn’t even need to kiss or touch Ten to know that he feels something. 

_‘Regardless of how long you have known them, or how many times you have talked to them, that feeling is your feeling? It’s called love, or at least the path to it.’_

Taeyong gulped. _Love…?_

_Does he love Ten?_

He had never thought about it, but he knows the answer. Yes, he loves Ten. He loves Ten with everything he has in him, it almost hurts when he’s away.

Taeyong bit his lip. _This fucking magazine,_ he thought, standing up and going to the check-out table. 

****

“Lucas!” Ten yelled, pounding on the door to the other’s apartment. “You better open this door right now, or I’ll break it down myself!”

Ten had been standing outside Lucas’ apartment for at least twenty minutes, trying to get in. He even apologized to some cranky neighbors whom he had woken up from their naps.

“No! I’m not opening this door! Not in a million years!” Lucas responded from the other side of the door. “You’re too small to even leave a mark on the door! Just stop trying, Ten. Leave me alone.” His voice became small and feeble towards the end. 

Ten gaped at the hurtful comment about his strength and size. “Okay, you better take that back for the sake of your life!” He yelled. 

After a moment, the unwanted guest sighed, and spoke in a soft and gentle tone instead, the motherly tone that everyone is persuaded to obey. “Lucas, please open the door. I just want to talk. I’m not mad at you, and neither is Jungwoo. I know you wouldn’t just run away like that without a good reason, so I wanted to check on you.”

Ten counted the seconds that it took to hear the turning of the doorknob. _Always works,_ he thought. 

The door slowly opened, revealing the most broken Lucas that Ten had ever seen. His hair was messed up, his work clothes wrinkled, and his face looked terrible. His eyes were red and puffy, and Ten noticed his bottom lips trembling, like at any second he was gonna break down. 

“I fucked up.” Lucas said, tears pooling at the bottoms of his eyes. 

Ten looked at the other in pity. He shook his head, pulling the other in for a comforting hug. Lucas broke down, sobbing and apologizing for everything he had done. 

He led the sobbing male to the couch, sitting him down and going back to close the door. He walked to the kitchen to get some water, his every move was deft and smooth. The apartment smelled foul, like something had rot in it.

When he got to the kitchen, he looked in all the cupboards, frowning when he wasn’t finding any cups. He turned to the sink, seeing all of them sitting unwashed in there. Next to them however, were beer bottles piling on top of each other. 

“Oh, Lucas.” Ten said, worryingly. 

He clicked his tongue, quickly grabbing a cup and rinsing it. He filled it up with cold water and went back to the living room. 

He came back to the couch being empty, with no Lucas in sight. Suddenly, the sounds of gagging and puking emitted from the bathroom, alerting Ten. 

He ran to the bathroom, slamming the door open and finding Lucas kneeling on the floor, his head hovering over the toilet. The smell of bile and vomit entered Ten’s nostrils, causing him to scrunch his face in disgust. He quickly ignored it and ran to the other, right as another wave hit him. 

“Lucas, shit.” Ten cursed. He rubbed the other’s back, holding the cup of water for when the other needed it. Lucas was still sobbing as he threw up nothing but all the beer he had guzzled down. 

Ten waited for the other to finish, which took a worryingly long amount of time. He stared at the back of his head, his eyebrows knit in concern. 

Finally, Lucas slowly rose his head for the toilet bowl, looking at Ten like a puppy who had lost his way. Ten quickly gave the other the water, muttering a small ‘here’, before going to the sink and grabbing a toothbrush and toothpaste. 

The sick man’s hands shook as he held the cup up to his mouth, drinking most of the water in the glass. He panted after pulling the cup away from his lips, watching Ten, as he handed him a prepared toothbrush.

“Don’t get up. You’ll get dizzy.” Ten warned. He had dealt with many drunk people who were taken into the hospital. He was used to this, although he can’t say he enjoys doing it. 

Lucas nodded, handing Ten the cup before sticking the toothbrush in his mouth and brushing. 

When that was finished, Ten sent Lucas into a Navy Shower to help soothe his headache and clean up a little bit, and when that was all done, they sat at the couch to talk and rest. 

“What’s going on Lucas?” Ten started. “Should I be worried about how many beer bottles you went through in just three hours? Is it an addiction?” 

“No” Lucas was quick to answer the last question. “I don’t usually drink like that. I… I just didn’t know how to fix what I did.”

“And what did you do?” Ten asked. 

Lucas scoffed, though with no attitude or malice, but with hopelessness. “You know what I did.”

Ten shook his head. “I know what Woo thinks you did.”

“And that is?”

Ten pursed his lips. “You ran away, because you were disgusted by his confession.”

Lucas looked pained and hurt at that. “He really thinks that?”

“That’s all he knows. That’s all he’s used to.”

The taller shook his head, hanging it between his knees “Fuck.” He whispered. His hands came up to cradle the back of his head, and slid forward to cover his face when he looked up. They slid down again when he spoke after a deep breath. “I really didn’t mean to hurt him I… I was just…”

“Scared.” Ten finished for him, Lucas nodded. 

“You both were. It’s almost natural for you two to react the way you did… Why were you scared?”

Lucas rested his chin on his interlocked fingers. “Before I met Woo… I… I partied… _a lot_ . I dated here and there, but nothing was… _real,_ you know? Nothing was like what I have with Jungwoo.” The last sentence came out as nothing but a quiet murmur. 

“Do you love Woo?” Ten asked. 

Lucas took a moment, not to think, no, the answer was clearly already swimming in his chest. The words clearly weren’t easy to say, even if he wasn’t talking to Jungwoo himself. 

“Yes… _fuck_ , yes, I love Jungwoo, _so much_.” He answered. The feeling of liberation was clear in his tone. 

Ten smiled. “You’re not too late, you know. Jungwoo blames himself, much more than he blames you. Nothing will help him think otherwise except hearing those words from you.”

Lucas looked at Ten, his eyes holding a burning fire of determination. 

“What do I need to do?”

Ten smiled and pulled out his phone. 

****

Ten came into Jungwoo’s room again when he got home. Jungwoo was still sleeping like a baby. 

He walked up and lightly shook the sleeping male. “Woo…, Woo, wake up. We need to go.”

Jungwoo shuffled in his wake. He turned around to face the other. “Where?” he mumbled, his voice heavy with sleep. He rubbed his eyes and sat up slowly. Ten cooed at him, pinching his cheeks, despite the loud whines from the other. 

“You forgot your phone at the cafe and I don’t want you to have to go alone.” Ten explained. That was a lie. He stuffed the other’s phone into his back pocket before waking him up. 

Jungwoo furrowed his brows, trying to remember bringing it home. He got up anyway and followed the older. 

The two took the bus, since they just haven’t gotten around to getting a car. Jungwoo was still sleepy, even though he had slept for four hours. Emotions take a toll on people, and Ten understood this, so he gently pushed Jungwoo’s cheek to rest on his shoulder as the bus took motion. 

They soon arrived at their stop, which thankfully was only about a block away from the cafe. Ten gently patted Jungwoo’s cheek to wake him up. The other got up and followed Ten off the bus and into the increasingly chilly weather. It was nearing winter, and Ten took a mental note to bring a jacket next time he goes out. 

As they were walking, Jungwoo took a couple bouncy steps to fully wake up, putting him a little bit ahead of Ten. The shorter giggled, running up to the other and latching onto his arm. Jungwoo smiled at him, and that was the first time his smile seemed genuine today. 

“Thanks for not letting me be alone for this.” Jungwoo said. “I can’t believe I was so careless to leave something as important as my phone.”

“I’m glad to accompany you, Woo. I don’t spend time with you out of pity you know. Believe it or not, some people actually _enjoy_ being with you?” Ten said, watching Jungwoo’s face to see his reaction as they neared the planned destination. 

Jungwoo scoffed. “That’s kind of hard to believe when your own boyfriend can’t even-”

His words and feet came to a halt as he stared at the cafe. There were lights that they usually put up for the Christmas decorations on the linings of the windows. Inside, you could see candles lit all around the table. Johnny was there, standing tall and straight, his hands poised behind him. He was still in his work clothes, but with the posture he was holding, he seemed like a butler. 

But what really caught Jungwoo’s attention was the dashing man, dressed in a tuxedo, standing with a bouquet of roses outside the doorway. 

Ten enjoyed watching every minute of his brother’s shocked and stunned expression. He giggled, unlatching his arm and gently pushing him forward towards Lucas, muttering a small ‘go’. He looked forward, laughing when he noticed Johnny. 

Jungwoo slowly walked towards Lucas, his hands shaking. 

Lucas was watching Jungwoo walk towards him with a smile on his face. 

When the shorter finally stood in front of him, Lucas spoke.

“Hey…”

“Hey…” 

Lucas cleared his throat, suddenly becoming serious. “I got you a better bouquet this time.” 

He handed the bouquet to the other, and he loved watching as the caramel haired male took it was a shy and bashful expression, laughing at the joke he made. 

“Walking away from you today… Was the most painful thing I had ever done. I regretted it as soon as I did it. The truth is… I was scared- no, _terrified_ , of what it would be like to finally admit what I had been feeling since I first started working at this cafe out loud.” Lucas spoke, his eyes filling with tears. 

Jungwoo listened with flushed cheeks, clutching the bouquet to his chest like it was just a dream he was living in. 

“I love you, baby. I love you so much.” Lucas said, nearly breaking down at the last sentence. “I’m so sorry for not telling it to you earlier… I-”

He didn’t get to finish his sentence, as Jungwoo dropped the bouquet behind him and flung himself into the other’s arms, sealing their lips together in a kiss that warmed them both from the chilly weather.

The kiss was passionate, so passionate, that Ten cringed a little bit and looked away when he saw Lucas’ tongue slip into the shorter’s mouth. Johnny looked at him and laughed. 

When the two broke away, Jungwoo spoke. “I love you too, Lu.”

Lucas smiled, “I’m never letting you go, and I’m never gonna run away from you like that again, ever.” He said, placing another kiss on his lips. 

Jungwoo broke away with a laugh when he felt something roll over and brush against his feet. He looked down and saw the bouquet of roses. Lucas saw this too and laughed. 

“Maybe bouquets just aren’t a good sign of affection for us.” he said, emitting a bright laugh from the other that he loved hearing so much. 

“I guess, not, just give me chocolates.”

“No, don’t! I’ll steal them all, and that’s not good for my health.” Ten yelled at the two, ruining the magical and romantic moment. Everyone laughed, and Lucas looked at Jungwoo, before opening the door to the cafe. 

“I booked us a reservation for the entire cafe. I heard they have the best cookies and muffins. Care to join me?” Lucas said in an exaggerated accent. 

Jungwoo laughed, doing a fake curtzy. “I would love to.”

Ten watched the two go in, smiling at their reunion. Even he got a little emotional at their reconciliation. He looked over to Johnny as the other went and stood next to him. 

“Thanks again for helping us with this, Johnny.” Ten said, turning to the taller. 

Johnny smiled. “No problem. And please, for tonight, it’s Joh-butler, sir.” He joked.

Ten laughed. “Well, Joh-butler… I have to go pick up some papers from my work today, would you like to accompany me? The only way I can think of paying you back is buying you this delicious special they have at a nearby sandwich place today.”

Johnny looked elated at the request, maybe a little too much, but Ten is too set on paying the other back to care. 

The taller nodded enthusiastically, before following Ten to the hospital. 

****

It only took a short bus ride and a couple of blocks to get there. The two conversed a bit, joking about Lucas’ and Jungwoo’s reactions to each other. They continued to do this as they walked into the hospital. 

“I swear, I didn’t even know Lucas that well yet, but it was like he got _louder_ when he was ranting to me about how good Jungwoo smelled, and I didn’t even know he _could_ get louder. My ears nearly burst out of my head.” Johnny said dramatically. 

Ten laughed as they waited at the front desk. He just needed some files he forgot to fill out about his work on Taeyong. They were just simple progress reports, but he would rather go through the hassle of doing them now then having to do them last minute. 

“Tell me about it. It was even weirder for Jungwoo. He is _never_ really loud, but when he was talking about how good of a kisser Lucas was, it was like he was holding a megaphone.”

Johnny didn’t answer Ten's comment, instead commenting on something else he had noticed. 

“Wow… Look, I knew you were short, but I didn’t know your chin could rest on this counter without even having to kneel down.” He teased. 

Ten looked at the other in offense, slapping his arm. Johnny whimpered a small, ‘ow’, rubbing his arm. 

“What is it with you and Lucas insulting my height?! You know, just because you guys are six foot tall giants doesn’t mean I’m short!” Ten pouted. 

“Okay, okay…” Johnny said obediently, although he had a small smile on his face watching Ten pout. 

Ten grumbled, turning to the nurse and grabbing the files. As his hand touched the paper, he swore he saw someone familiar. He turned around, his eyes darting around the hallway, hoping so see the person he’s been missing all day. He frowned when had no luck. _Do I really like this guy that much to be hallucinating about seeing him?_

_Taeyong._

“You see something?” Johnny asked, watching Ten look this way and that. His eyes tried to follow wherever Ten was looking, but he saw nothing but patients and doctors. 

Ten flinched, as he was too lost in his little world looking for the patient. He closed his eyes and shook his head, hoping that whatever crazy thoughts he had would fall out from the vibrations. He took one last look before turning to Johnny. 

“Um… no, nothing. Let’s go yeah?” Ten said, leaving no room for an answer, as he was already heading towards the exit. Johnny watched his back in confusion, before running to catch up. 

****

Eating lunch with Johnny was fine. There was nothing amazing nor disdainful. Ten enjoyed his friendly presence and could see himself becoming good friends with the other. 

However, he did try a little too hard sometimes. There were many forced laughs, pointless comments that tried to fill the silence that was only awkward cause he made it that way. Ten admired the effort, but he felt guilty. 

The one thing he doesn’t want to do is tell Johnny he wasn’t interested, but he knew the time would eventually come. 

They were walking out of the deli, sodas in hand. 

“This was fun,” Johnny started, scratching the back of his head. “I’d like to hang out with you again sometime… o-only if you’re interested… of course.” He laughed nervously at the end. 

Ten nodded, “I’d like that too. But if we’re gonna talk more, you gotta drop the comments about my height. I don’t tolerate that abuse.” he joked, trying to make Johnny feel a little less nervous. It worked as he let out a loud laugh. 

“Alright, I’ll drop them. My house is that way.” Johnny said, pointing to the opposite direction of Ten’s apartment. 

“I guess this is where we part then… I’m that way.” Ten said, pointing to the other direction. 

They said their goodbyes and parted. 

As Ten was walking home, he sent a text to Jungwoo that he was going home, warning him to make sure him and Lucas keep their… activities in his room. 

By the time he finished sending the text, a call popped up on his screen. 

It was Doyoung. Ten answered with furrowed brows. 

“Hello?”

“Ten.” Doyoung said, out of breath.

Ten grew alarmed. 

“We need you here, _now._ Taeyong got into some trouble.” Doyoung said, his tone stern and loud. 

Ten grew panicked. “O-Ok. I’m on my way. Where is he now?”

“He’s in my hospital room, restrained.”

 _Restrained?_ Ten thought, his mind filling with the worst possibilities. 

“Keep him there, don’t let anyone in, I’ll be there soon.” Ten said, hanging up. He broke into a sprint, trying to get there as fast as he could. 

_Taeyong._

  
  
  
  
  



	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen y'all... I know I said last time that I had this chapter ready, but it was just too fun having everyone wonder what was going to happen next. I should not be allowed have cliffhangers...
> 
> But, I decided to post this fic today, because there was nothing but Bottom TY filling the taeten tag, which saddened me to an unbelievable extent ;-;. 
> 
> Thank you so much for 2,000 reads! That's INSANE!
> 
> Anyways, enjoy!

Ten burst through the doors of the hospital, ignoring the many people who looked at him. His eyes automatically found Doyoung, who was at the front counter talking to the nurses. 

“Doyoung!” Ten said, walking briskly towards him.

Doyung looked over, turning to him while running his hands over the lapels of his coat. He sighed heavily, and Ten noticed how exhausted he looked. 

“Ten, hey… I was just talking to the nurses about Taeyong. I’m sorry but he’s going to be suspended from the outdoors for a while. I managed to lessen it a little bit by a few days though and-.”

“I don’t care about that right now.” Ten said, closing his eyes and shaking his head. Although the news alarmed him, all he wanted to do right now was see Taeyong. 

Doyoung looked at the other, surprised. He looked thoughtfully at Ten, like he was trying to read what he _did_ care about, before it clicked. He nodded. “He’s in his room. You may go see him.”

Ten said a quick ‘thank you’, before dashing for the all so familiar hallway. 

He stopped at the door, staring at the keypad for a little bit. With one last sigh, he unlocked the door and pushed it open. 

What welcomed Ten shook him to his core with panic. 

Taeyong was sitting on his bed, staring out the window. This was normal, but he had cuts and bruises littered all over his skin. He didn’t even turn to Ten like he usually would when he walked in. 

“Taeyong.” Ten said, rushing across the room to get to the other. He stood in front of him, but Taeyong didn’t turn to him. He didn’t even glance his way. 

“Taeyong? Hey, look at me.” He tried again, reaching around and cupping the patient’s face.

He gently pulled the other to look at him by the cheeks, inhaling harshly when he saw the extent of the other’s injuries. 

There was a purple and swelling bruise on his cheek, which looked almost connected to the yellowish purple around his black eye. To top it all off, there was a deep cut on his lip that was close to bleeding again. 

But what extremely worried Ten, were the tears in his eyes. They were pooling, but the other never let them fall, instead he stared back at Ten, with the most dead expression the shorter had ever seen.

Suddenly, Taeyong reached up and grasped Ten’s wrists, tearing it away from his cheeks and throwing them back to the smaller’s sides. 

Ten was shocked by this action. Through the action, he felt the sense of rejection, but also _fear_ from the other. He didn’t know why this emotion came through, but the tight grip and hesitance to tear away from the touch portrayed nothing but that feeling. 

“Taeyong…” Ten called, as the other turned back to the window. 

He looked for any signs of reaction from the address, and he noticed that the other’s hands were clenching, with no stress ball in them. He looked around and saw the cherry shaped object lying on the ground across the room. 

He looked back to the other in an almost desperate look. 

“Taeyong, what-”

“Go.” The patient finally spoke. His voice was dry and raspy, like he hadn’t spoken in days. 

Ten was shocked by that one word. One word was all it took to cause a ringing in Ten’s ears, and a sweat in his palms. 

He had never _once_ been told to leave by the other. Sure, when they had first met, Taeyong had said something of the sort, but he had never sounded so tired and _sure_ that he wanted him gone. 

“Taeyong… I don’t-”

“Go.” Taeyong said again, this time louder. His fists started shaking from how hard they were clenched, and Ten knew the other was just as burned from his words as he was. 

_Then why?_

After a moment, Ten closed his eyes and spoke again, this time calm and soft. 

“You really want me to go?” he asked. 

“Yes.” Taeyong answered quickly. He turned to the therapist. The tears were still in his eyes, yet still, none of them were let go. His breath was slightly labored, like he was trying to stop himself from taking back the words. 

“Yes, I want you to leave. I never want to see you again, so just leave!”

Ten didn’t flinch, he didn’t even move a muscle. He was more shocked at Taeyong’s outbreak than scared. His heart shattered at the other’s face. He still sensed the fear behind the harsh words, and while Ten wanted to comfort him and ask him what had happened, he knew the other genuinely needed space. 

With tears in his eyes, and shaky hands, he spoke while nodding. “Okay… Okay, I’ll give you some time alone.”

He finally turned to walk away once Taeyong huffed shakily and turned back to the window. 

He walked across the room, slowly. The silence was deafening, all that could be heard was Taeyong’s shaky breaths, making his stop for a moment. 

He then started walking again, this time a little faster and more determined. 

He walked back to the other’s bed, stopping in front of it and gently placing something next to him, looking earnestly into Taeyong’s averted eyes, before finally walking out. 

Doyoung was there waiting outside the door. His head shot up after seeing Ten walk out. He looked shocked, seeing Ten’s teary eyes and slightly angry frown. 

Ten stood with his arms at his sides, his feet planted, and his back straight. Doyoung looked a little frightened by the usually bubbly personality looking now so ruined. 

The doctor gulped, hearing Ten’s authoritative voice.

“What the hell happened?”

****

**_Four hours earlier_ **

Taeyong had been holed up in his room reading the magazine for who knows how long. He read most of it already, accidentally falling asleep at some points, but he pushed through, too interested to stop. 

Some of the advice was annoyingly helpful and accurate, and Taeyong almost wanted to apologize to the writer for doubting them… _almost_. 

He had been reading about the beginning of feelings the entire time, and now, he had sat up after finding that the next pages were about actually _acting_ on your feelings and impressing your crush. 

He sat up against the wall on his bed, his eyes straining to read in the dark. 

‘ _Now that you know that you like this lucky person, it’s time to act on those feelings. This chapter is about impressing your crush, from getting them into bed to make passionate, sweet love, to cuddling on a blanket, under the stars.’_

 _Am I really reading this shit?_ Taeyong thought after reading the cheesiest lines ever written. He shook his head and continued.

‘ _Now, this answer seems obvious, but it’s about how you perform it that truly matters._

_Dates._

_That’s, right, dates. Something everyone fantasizes about. Whether it’s a fancy starlit dinner, or takeout in an apartment, it’s something everyone wants to experience.’_

_Debatable,_ Taeyong thought. 

The idea of dates had never entered his mind of the things he could do with Ten. 

He frowned, realizing that he can’t really take him anywhere for dates, unless walking through the halls of a _hospital_ is romantic. The idea dispirited him a bit, but he continued to read through the bright and colorful pages. 

‘ _Some of the best dates are the ones where you sit and admire nature. Another is going to the amusement park, laughing and enjoying each other’s presence. Even sitting on a bench in a park can be romantic._

_Anything you put your mind to, that gets you two out and about, really engages both of you into having a good time, because you’re enjoying each other’s presence in the middle of a crowded area, rather than a janky room.’_

Taeyong furrowed his brows. _I can’t do any of that._

It was true, he couldn’t take Ten to the amusement park, or sit by a pond. He couldn’t even take him to a _normal_ room, instead his only option was the cold room he was sitting in right now. He didn’t have candles, and he _couldn’t_ have them, for that matter. _Who would give candles to a fucking patient at a hospital,_ Taeyong thought cursedly. 

He closed the magazine, unmotivated to read any more. 

_I can’t give Ten a normal love life,_ he thought. _I can’t even take him on a date._

He felt like a fool, thinking that he could tether Ten down like that. 

_Who would want to date a mediocre patient like me._

He subconsciously reached up and wiped his tears. He scoffed, not even realizing that he was crying. _Fucking idiot._

He threw the magazine from off his bed, lying down and closing his eyes. He was exhausted. 

The longer he closed his eyes, the more the mental weight took a toll on him. He felt himself drifting off to sleep, and this time he gave himself to it. 

****

_Taeyong woke up._

_He slowly opened his eyes, wiping the sleep from them as he leisurely sat up. He flinched when he heard someone speak._

_“You’re finally awake.” the voice said._

_Taeyong moved his hands away from his eyes, seeing Ten at the edge of his bed._

_“Ten? When did you get here?” Taeyong asked with a smile. He was happy to see the other._

_“I while ago, you looked so comfortable and cozy. I didn’t want to wake you.” The smaller responded, putting his phone down._

_He got up and started crawling towards Taeyong like a cat. Taeyong smiled softly, watching the other snuggle into his chest. He reached up a hand and began to stroke his head._

_“How’s Jungwoo?” Taeyong asked. He was expecting an answer, but instead, his eyes met Ten’s lust filled orbs._

_Ten slowly raised a finger towards Taeyong’s lips when he was about to question his actions. He shushed him quietly._

_“I don’t want to talk right now.”_

_Taeyong felt himself heat up under the other’s stare. Through all his rebellious sexual adventures with various people, none of them could work him up the way Ten could, with just a simple stare._

_“O-okay, well we can just stay here and cuddle-”_

_Taeyong’s words were cut off by the other’s lips. He hummed into the kiss with surprise, but kissed back nonetheless._

_Ten kissed him hungrily. Taeyong grew concerned if he was stressed with whatever happened and was simply acting this way to vent._

_“Hm,” Taeyong said against Ten’s lips, signalling the other to stop for a moment. However, no stopping occurred, so Taeyong spoke between kisses. “Are you sure you don’t want to talk? I-”_

_“Shut up.” Ten interrupted him, pushing him onto his back. He straddled the other, leaning in again and taking his lips._

_Taeyong followed and did what he was told. His body started to heat up even more as Ten’s actions went on. He groaned into Ten’s lips when the other gently nibbled on his tongue. His hands naturally slithered under his shirt and gripped the flesh of his hips._

_Ten arched at the contact from Taeyong's cold hands, cupping his cheeks. He began rocking back and forth, grinding on Taeyong._

_Taeyong suddenly withdrew his hands and lightly pushed Ten away by his hip, clutching them to stop the distracting friction._

_“Ten, I want you to be able to talk to me.”_

_Ten’s lustful stare dissipated as he grew angry, and Taeyong automatically knew that he shouldn’t have said that._

_“_ You _want to talk to_ me _? Don’t try and be some good guy, Taeyong.” He said, sitting up._

_Taeyong’s heart started beating even faster than it was with Ten’s lips on his. Ten’s angry look shook him to the core, and panic was now written all over his face, lacing his words._

_“I-I’m not, I-”_

_“You think I would want to confide with someone who can’t even act sane for one fucking day?” He scoffed with a sarcastic smile._

_“Don’t start thinking that this,” Ten gestured between them. “is actually something.”_

_Taeyong could feel himself break into a cold sweat. “But-”_

_“You’re nothing to me, Taeyong. Don’t think that just because you give me pleasure, we’re gonna become something more.” Ten got off him._

_Taeyong could feel tears pooling around the bottom of his eyes. Those words hurt, and the pain increased tenfold as he watched Ten start walking away._

_“Ten.”_

_Ten turned around, a condescending look adorning his beautiful features. He inspected Taeyong’s state, before speaking._

_“You’re pathetic.”_

_The door slammed shut._

Taeyong woke up with a gasp, shooting up in his bed. He closed his eyes, wiping away his sweat. He held his face in his hands. 

_Another nightmare of him walking away from me,_ Taeyong noticed. 

His biggest fear is that nightmare becoming reality. 

Suddenly, the beep of the door sounded through the room, startling Taeyong. He quickly wiped his eyes and sniffled right before Doyoung appeared in front of him.

“Hey, Taeyong. I managed to let you eat dinner in the cafeteria today, I thought maybe you would enjoy eating something different for once.”

Taeyong stared and nodded. He genuinely appreciated Doyoung reaching out like this, after he had yelled at him. 

However, it made him uncomfortable sometimes. 

Just like now, as Doyoung stands there and doesn’t leave, awkwardly clearing his throat. He opened his mouth to say something, but he quickly closed it and left. 

Taeyong sighed once the door closed. Honestly, he didn’t enjoy going outside without Ten’s presence there with him. It was only the raven haired boy who kept him entertained. 

He missed Ten, with everything in him, and it had only been a day.

However, thinking of Ten only hurt him now. Now, he knows that he can never give Ten what he truly deserves, which is someone who can take him anywhere he wants, someone who lets him see anything he wants to see. 

_You don’t deserve to be with Ten._ The voice in Taeyong’s head spoke, as he got up and headed for the door. 

_Ten would never date someone as pathetic as you_. 

Taeyong closed his eyes and sighed. He didn’t even try to deny his insecurities, because in his head, they were just truths that he needed to accept. 

He walked out his room, turning toward the direction of the cafeteria. 

He stopped completely when something caught his eye.

He saw Ten at the front counter, laughing with another man. He was tall, and he looked… normal. _Unlike you_.

And Ten looked happy. 

The man didn’t look like Jungwoo, no, he had heard Ten’s descriptions about the guy. Jungwoo had caramel brown hair, and this man’s hair was closer to black.

He stood there, like he was stuck inside a snow globe, shivering, as he was set down and forced to watch everything he loved be taken away from him. 

He lied.

Ten lied to him. 

But the worst part was, the only person that Taeyong blamed, was himself. 

_You’ll never be good enough for him._

_Let him go._

_Set him free from you._

Taeyong walked swiftly to the cafeteria, not looking towards Ten and the man any longer. 

****

The lunch was fine. It was just a soup and a sandwich, nothing special. 

He was now eating silently, his thoughts suffocating him. They were filled with nothing but doubts and insecurities. 

Each thought crossed through his mind, before heading down and stabbing him in the heart like a knife.

The people around him were loud, but to him, nothing was louder than the detrimental thoughts racking his brain. 

He didn’t blame Ten for lying to him, he completely understood what he did and why. 

Ten deserves the best. He is an angel in Taeyong’s eyes. But with that, comes the sad reality, that Ten is a sculpture, and he is simply a pedestrian viewing the masterpiece. 

He looks all he wants, he can talk to it, admire it, but he will never be able to touch it, or have it talk back to him. He can only admire its beauty, and wish that he was grand enough to be with it.

Ten didn’t want Taeyong, but he was too nice to tell him that, so he made up the story about Jungwoo, to protect him. 

But why does Taeyong feel like he just had his heart ripped out? 

He needs to let Ten go. To make him happy.

His thoughts came to a screeching halt when he overheard a group of men talking about him. 

“Isn’t that Taeyong?”

“Dude, shut up. What if he hears you?”

“What? He doesn’t look as scary as everyone says.”

“That’s because of his new bitch.” Another voice chimed in.

“Oh yeah. What’s his name? Nine?”

“It’s Ten, you idiot.” One of the guys corrected, they all laughed. 

Taeyong was used to the harsh words spoken about him. They could talk all they wanted, and he could care less. But at the mention of Ten’s name, his ears perked and his heart rate sped up. 

“I’ve seen him before, and damn he’s sexy. I can see how he could shut that freak up.”

“How?”

“Bro, you’re fucking dumb, aren’t you? Clearly, they don’t _actually_ do any talking”

More laughter. Taeyong’s index finger began scratching and picking at the dry skin at the back of his thumb.

“Oh what I would give to have that bitch’s ass to myself.”

Taeyong felt sweat running down his temples. His jaw and fists both clenched. Ten helped him stop all the triggers of his episodes, so why is he feeling this way?

Why is his vision darkening, and his teeth grinding?

The voices around him became muffled, except for the men behind him. Their voices disgusted him, and he tried to block their words out, but they just kept forcing themselves into his ears. 

He tried the breathing exercises with his hands. He can’t have an episode. He hadn’t had one in months. Not now. 

He huffed when he couldn’t calm down. He needed the other there.

_Ten._

“Well, you’re gonna have to point him out to me later.”

“Sure thing, and who knows, maybe we can share him.” The guy laughed. 

Taeyong tried. 

“Yeah, right, like he’d want your asses.” One of them teased.

He really did.

“Well, what he wants doesn’t really matter now does it?” He joked. All of them snickered. 

But he failed. 

His vision went black. 

****

Taeyong’s eyes tried to open, only to be closed again when a bright light blinded him. He squinted, trying to get used to the rays that were burning into his pupils. 

He tried to cover his eyes with his hands, but something was stopping him. He looked down to find himself tied down to the platform he was lying on. He pulled, trying to get out of the restraints, his body filling with panic. 

“Mr. Kim! He’s awake!” Someone yelled. 

Taeyong looked over and saw that it was one of the nurses who had yelled. He looked around and finally realized that he was in Doyoung’s hospital room. 

He shot his head toward the door when it flung open. It was Doyoung who came in. The nurse walked out, leaving the two of them alone in the room that Taeyong always hated. 

Doyoung walked to the counter across the room, washing his hands. 

“Why am I here?” Taeyong asked after a moment. It hurt to speak, like a thousand needles prickling at his throat. 

Doyoung turned around, surprised. He quickly dried his hands, throwing the paper towel away after. He turned to Taeyong again. 

“What do you remember?” he asked. He pulled out the medical school from under the sink, pulling it next to Taeyong. He grabbed a clipboard. He clicked his pen, ready to take notes. 

It was silent for a moment, as Taeyong was trying to remember what happened. Doyoung watched and gave the other time to ponder the question. 

“Oh.” Doyoung said, standing up. He unbuckled the restraints that were keeping Taeyong down. “Sorry, I almost forgot.”

Taeyong responded only with a nod. He sat up on the hard metal, letting his legs dangle.

After a minute, Taeyong started speaking.

“I remember eating… in the cafeteria. These… guys were saying these… _awful_ things about Ten.”

“What were they saying?” Doyoung asked. 

Taeyong tried to find the will to recall the words out loud, but he couldn’t. He shook his head and looked at his hands. He noticed his knuckles were bruised and cut, giving him a faint idea of what he had done. 

“Taeyong,” Doyoung started. “I’m trying to help you. And I can’t do that if you won’t tell me what happened. Please.”

Taeyong sighed. “They… talked about having… having sex with him, and that his consent wouldn’t matter.” He bit his lip, trying to control himself and not think about it too much. 

Doyoung grimaced. He had heard about vulgar language being heard all the time, but hearing it was never pleasant. However, it was only expected. All sorts of people who are addicted to drugs and alcohol were bound to be reckless like that. 

“And what exactly do you think caused your episode?”

Taeyong looked up in surprise. He already kind of knew he had one, but hearing that he did still surprised him. 

He grew disappointed in himself. Ten had worked so hard to stop his episodes, and he went and ruined it. 

_All his hard work, and I ruined it,_ he cursed himself.

But what _did_ cause this?

“I don’t really know… I think… part of it was what they said about Ten, but also… I guess… one of my biggest fears… is something that I’ve been through happening to the person I care about most.”

Doyoung looked at Taeyong with a mixture of emotions. Taeyong saw pity, surprise, and a little bit of giddiness, although he didn’t know what that last one came from. _What’s there to be happy about,_ Taeyong wondered. 

“Well…” Doyoung spoke after he seemed to be broken out of his reverie. “Thank you, for opening up like that to me. It really shows me that you’re trying.” 

Taeyong nodded shyly at the praise. He never handled things like that well, mostly because he never really receives it. 

“What… what did I do?” He spoke in a feeble voice. He’s always afraid to hear what he had done after an episode, but this time, that fear was multiplied ten-fold. He hated the idea of letting Ten down like this. He closed his eyes, but all he saw was Ten’s disgusted face from his dream. 

_You’re pathetic_.

He squeezed his eyes tightly, before opening them and focusing them on Doyoung. 

Doyoung inhaled apprehensively, before starting slowly. “Well… after you entered into your episode, I got a notice of it. I came into the cafeteria to see you beating the three men up. I have to say, for three against, one, I’m surprised you have such a little amount of bruises. It took three of our strongest nurses and sedatives to stop you. Remind me to call you if I’m ever in trouble.” he joked. 

This gave Doyoung the pleasure of watching a small smile grace Taeyong’s lips. The doctor swore he would never fully get used to seeing his smile. It was something that he always tried so hard to bring out, but he never succeeded until Ten came along. 

“Are they…” Taeyong asked, pushing down the worry that was rising up his throat. 

“Okay?”

Taeyong nodded. 

“Well… you did beat them all up pretty badly. Thankfully, there were no broken bones, but they were all sent to the infirmary for some stitches.”

Taeyong looked down in shame, rubbing his injured knuckles. 

“Honestly, Taeyong? I don’t find myself disappointed about what happened, after knowing why you did it. I’ll try my hardest to reduce the suspension time, but it’s gonna be pretty high.”

Taeyong nodded. 

Doyoung got up, heading towards the door. “I’m gonna go take these papers to the front, show them these, and try to negotiate something. Head back to your room and be careful, don’t give me _another_ reason to not trust you. 

As the door opened, and Doyoung was about to leave, Taeyong called for him. 

“Doyoung.”

Doyoung turned around with a hum. 

“Thank you… for trusting me, after everything.”

Doyoung’s expression softened. “I finally know that you never mean to hurt anyone, and I’m not going to risk taking that away by tying you down, except when I have to, of course.” He said, gesturing to the restraints he was clasped by earlier. 

Taeyong’s lip quirked at the last part, nodding to him. Doyoung smiled one last time before leaving. 

Taeyong was about to turn back but stopped and looked at the metal table. He saw his reflection in the shiny metal, his face covered in cuts and bruises. He sighed, getting up and walking to his room. 

****

Taeyong was sitting in his room, looking out the window. He was exhausted, but he couldn’t sleep. A certain someone was isolating him from the world, leaving him in his own thoughts. 

_I need to let you go._

He heard the door beep, and he had a good idea of who it was, but he didn’t look. _I can’t_. 

“Taeyong.” He heard Ten call. 

He heard the footsteps.

He saw him standing in front of him. 

_Stop_. 

“Taeyong? Hey, look at me.” Ten said. 

Taeyong felt the other’s warm hands on his cheeks, cupping them. He let himself be comforted by them for a moment, but he quickly squashed that feeling down. _Please._

His eyes teared up the moment his face was turned towards Ten. He cursed himself for locking eyes with the other. He needed to be strong, but he knew that Ten could see the fear he felt. At that moment, he hated how well Ten could read him. 

He didn’t move in Ten’s grasp for a moment. He wanted to savor the comforting warmth before he had to force himself to tear away. 

_Why can’t you hate me? Why do you have to be so nice? You’re only making it harder for me._

He gently grasped Ten’s wrists, and threw them back to his sides. _I’m sorry._

He turned back, not wanting to look at the other any longer. It hurt to look at the person he admired the most, when he knew that he would be walking away from him. He tried not to shake at the sound of the other calling for him, so he clenched his fists. 

“Taeyong…” 

_Stop calling my name. Walk away._

He couldn’t take it any longer. The moment Ten began to speak again, he interrupted him. 

“Taeyong, what-”

“Go.” he said. He hated how weak and vulnerable his voice sounded, but he couldn’t help it around Ten. The smaller male brings out the parts of him like that, and he can’t stop it. 

There was a moment of silence, and Taeyong forced himself to stay looking at the window. He didn’t want to risk seeing Ten’s face, and take it all back. 

“Taeyong, I don’t-”

“Go.” Taeyong said again. He felt the sting of his fists clenching so hard, but it could never compare to the inescapable pain in his heart. _Go, before I take it all back, and hold you down even more._

“Do you really want me to go?” He heard Ten ask. 

He can’t cry right now. _You don’t deserve to._

“Yes.” he said, turning to face the other. He used his frustration at himself as a source of anger against Ten. He immediately regretted looking towards the other, because he wanted to take his words back right away. “Yes, I want you to leave. I never want to see you again, so just leave!” He yelled. 

_Please._

He grew anxious as Ten didn’t move. It made him both confused and angry. 

_Do you care about me?_

_Why would you care about something so useless and pathetic?_

He hated seeing Ten’s eyes fill with tears, and his hands shake. 

_Stop._

“Okay… Okay, I’ll give you some time alone.”

Taeyong let out a breath of relief and sadness, turning back to the window. 

_I’m sorry._

He didn’t want the other to leave, but at the same time, he did. It hurt, contradicting himself like that.

He grew restless the longer he didn’t hear the beep. His fists were shaking at this point, but anything to keep him from getting up and pulling Ten back. He let out a shaky breath. 

Suddenly, he heard the footsteps getting closer. He cursed inwardly, and was about to yell at the other, before he felt something being placed onto the bed. He pushed himself not to look. 

When the door was finally shut, he let his tears fall silently. 

He looked at what was placed on the bed. It was the stress ball.

With shaky hands, he picked up the object. 

He squeezed it as hard as he could, pressing his forehead against it. 

He hated himself. 

He knows he did the right thing, but it hurts. It hurts so bad. 

He allowed a sob to tear his throat, then another, and another, until he completely broke down, sobbing uncontrollably. 

****

“You let him eat _alone_ ? What the _fuck_ were you thinking?!” Ten yelled at Doyoung. He was seething, and Doyoung feared for his life. He was sitting in his own chair, but it felt like he was the one who was getting scolded, rather than the other way around. 

They were in the latter’s office, and the doctor had just explained everything to Ten. The therapist was fuming, trying to keep his composure. _Everything that had happened, I should have been there,_ Ten thought. 

“I thought it would be nice!” Doyoung countered, but Ten could hear the obvious shame in his voice. 

“Nice? Letting someone who had _just_ gotten cleared, eat _alone,_ without _any_ supervision?” Ten yelled. “Do you even know what-“

“I’m trying to be better!” He finally admitted. 

Ten looked surprised at the words, and he felt some of his anger dissipate. 

“Better?”

“Yes!” Doyoung said, still ashamed but now frustrated as well. “I’ve been working with Taeyong for _years_ , and I could _never_ got through to him the way you did, in a matter of _months_. So I tried to be more like you, but clearly, it didn’t work.” He finished, throwing his hands in the air.

Ten sat down across Doyoung on the chair.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know you felt that way.” Ten apologized. He felt awful for blaming the other like that, while not even knowing how he was feeling. 

“It’s okay, there’s no way you could’ve known.” Doyoung consoled. 

“No, even still. It wasn’t you letting him out alone that caused it, it were those guys. I shouldn’t have taken my anger, when anything could’ve happened even if there _was_ supervision.”

Doyoung nodded in understanding. 

After a moment, a voice sounded through the room.

“May I ask one thing though?” Ten asked. 

“You just did.” Doyoung said. 

Ten rolled his eyes with a smile.

“What did those guys say that pissed Taeyong off so much?” He asked, giving a questioning look at the tense position that Doyoung took.

Doyoung stared at Ten apprehensively. “I don’t think you really want to know.”

Ten frowned. “Was it something really bad about Taeyong?” 

Doyoung sighed. “Actually, it was something really bad about _you_.”

Ten’s brows furrowed. “What was it?”

“Ten, I don’t-”

“I can take it, Doyoung.” Ten said, a fire blazing in his eyes. 

Doyoung gave Ten a look before explaining.

“I don’t know exactly what they said, but basically it was that they would have sex with you, consensually, or not.”

Ten grimaced. “I mean, I’ll take it as a compliment, I guess.”

“Ten!”

“What? I’m trying to lighten the mood.”

Doyoung stared Ten down. Ten scoffed.

“I’m _fine_ , DoDo, it’s not the first time I’ve been spoken about like that. It’s sadly just the world we live in.”

“First of all, don’t _ever_ , call me by that god awful nickname. The only nickname I have is Doie, and only my boyfriend can call me that. Also, keep talking, what happens if one day something actually happens?”

“Then I’ll finally get to show off my self-defense skills.”

Doyoung squinted at him like he was an imbecile.

Ten look offended at the skepticism. “C’mon, you think I’d be so confident if I _didn’t_ take classes?”

Doyoung conceded, his hands making a gesture of a surrender. “Okay, you win.”

Ten smiled triumphantly, bouncing a little bit in his seat. Suddenly, another thought occurred to him.

“Wait, I don’t get it, I thought you said Taeyong’s episodes were nearly impossible once his triggers go away?” Ten wondered. 

“Well, I guess there’s a new trigger,” Doyoung said, nodding in Ten’s direction. “You. I asked him what exactly triggered him, and he said something about ‘not wanting to have the person dearest to him experience the same thing he did’.”

Ten looked down at his hands, pursing his lips. _Taeyong_. 

“Anyways,” Doyoung said, getting up. “Before you got here, I was speaking with the office about Taeyong’s suspension. He’s suspended for two weeks, and it’s been finalized. That means he can’t go out for free time, or any time, except going to the showers. He’ll be on extremely tight lockdown.”

“So, basically what it was like before. Got it.” Ten said, nodding. _This is just a minor setback, nothing we can’t overcome._

Doyoung nodded back. “Oh, and Ten?” He called as Ten was walking out the door. Ten turned to him. 

“You shouldn’t blame yourself for what happened either. I know I did, but you helped me realize anything could’ve happened.”

Ten smiled sadly. “Thank you Doyoung, but it’s a little different for me. I should’ve at least come to him after my family emergency was finished. It was already over by the time the episode happened. I would’ve been there to stop it.”

Doyoung shook his head. “No, you-”

“It’s alright, Doyoung.” Ten said, walking out the door, leaving Doyoung dumbfounded. 

Ten was walking through the hallways of the hospital, taking his time. 

He stopped in front of Taeyong’s door, about to press the all too familiar code, before pulling back. 

_He needs time._

He walked out of the hospital, feeling like a part of him was left behind for Taeyong to keep. 

****

“Woo?” Ten called, walking into the apartment. 

“In here.” Jungwoo called. Ten was surprised by this. He had called for the other to warn him that he was walking in, not wanting to see any less clothes on his brother or Lucas. 

He walked into Jungwoo’s room, stopping by the door and lightly knocking on it. “Hey.”

Jungwoo looked up from his phone, lying on his bed. “Hi.”

“I’m surprised there’s no Lucas here. I was really expecting my eyes to fall out.” He joked.

Jungwoo gave a light chuckle. “We decided to part after the dinner. Lucas didn’t have any clothes here, and it just wouldn’t fit our schedules. Plus, I was worried about you. You didn’t answer any of my messages. Where were you?”

Ten sighed. “I was at the hospital.” He said, walking to the bed and lying down in front of Jungwoo. The taller put his phone down, letting Ten rest his head on his stomach. He stroked his brother’s hair like he was a kitten. 

“The whole time?”

Ten shook his head, causing Jungwoo to giggle at the tickling feeling. “I had lunch with Johnny, then I got the call.”

“What happened to ‘not wanting to lead him on’?”

“I know, but I really appreciated his help with the surprise for you. I owed him.”

Jungwoo hummed. “So, what was the call about?” 

Ten sighed again, more tiredly this time. “Taeyong had an episode.”

“Really? Is he okay?”

“Yeah. He’s a little injured, but the other guys were way worse apparently. It worries me though. I went to see him and he lashed out at me.”

Jungwoo grew concerned. “Did he hit you?”

Ten shook his head again. “No, worse. He told me he never wanted to see me again.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah. He had this… fear in his voice, though, like he was forcing himself to say the words. I just told him I’d give him some time alone. I’ll ask him what’s going on tomorrow. I just don’t hope I didn’t do anything to hurt him.”

“I’m sure you didn’t. Just give him some time, maybe he’s just a little shaken up by what happened.” Jungwoo told him, still stroking his hair. 

He waited for an answer, but never got one. “Ten?” He called out. 

He looked down to see Ten breathing calmly, his eyes closed. 

_He must be exhausted_ , Jungwoo thought. 

He smiled, watching his brother sleep, still massaging his scalp. 

“Goodnight, Ten.” Jungwoo said, turning off his bedside lamp. He was careful not to wake Ten up, or move his head too much. 

****

When Ten walked into the hospital the next day, he tried to give himself some hope. He hoped Taeyong was better today, and that he was ready to talk. 

He walked into Taeyong’s room, and he was greeted with the same sight as before, Taeyong on his bed, looking out the window. This time, however, he held the stress cherry in his hand. 

“Hey, Taeyong.” Ten called from across the room. 

Taeyong didn’t answer. 

Like last time, he didn’t even spare Ten a glance. 

“Listen, I’m _so_ sorry for not being there yesterday. I should’ve come right when I could.”

No answer. 

Ten sighed, sitting down on the chair. 

“I talked with Doyoung. I know everything that happened. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”

Nothing. 

“Can you at least look at me?” Ten asked. He was desperate for any acknowledgement from the other. 

His heart broke into a million pieces when Taeyong didn’t respond, yet again. 

Ten sighed dejectedly. “Okay, I’ll wait.” He said. 

****

Hours passed by, and Ten was amazed at Taeyong’s persistence.

The other hadn’t even looked at him in all of that time. It was like they were completely back at square one, except this time, Taeyong seemed too tired to even get mad, or care.

The therapist had done everything, but it was like being with a brick wall. 

Taeyong was like a statue, and Ten felt like a simple pedestrian watching him.

He could talk to Taeyong, look at him all he wanted, admire his features, attempt to draw him, but he couldn’t touch him, and Taeyong would never respond to him. 

He sighed, settling back in the chair. He felt tired, worrying and thinking about everything that could make Taeyong budge. 

****

More time passed by, and Ten noticed it was significantly darker when he had looked up from his phone. 

He had completed five games on the device, trying everything to distract himself. He felt sleep tugging at his eyelids, like weights that were attached to them, and he resisted it every time. 

He didn’t want to miss any moment where Taeyong could move from his position. 

However, he soon felt himself sinking in his chair, his mind slowly falling into dreamland. 

_Taeyong._

****

Ten woke up, but something was different. 

He was now lying down, and a blanket was covering him. He panicked, thinking that he had gone home in his sleepy state, not realizing it, or worse, that seeing Taeyong was simply all a dream. 

But the more he woke up, the more he realized that something was off. 

His bedroom didn’t have metal walls. His bed wasn’t rock hard like this, and his blankets weren’t paper thin. 

He knew exactly where he was. 

He sat up, confused on why he was in Taeyong’s bed. He specifically remembered falling asleep in that uncomfortable chair. 

He looked over, his gaze softening at the sight before him. 

It was Taeyong who was in the chair now, taking his place. He was sleeping, his position as stiff as a board. The stress cherry was still in hands, being gripped tightly, even in his sleep.

Ten took the time to look at the other’s face. His cuts and bruises were already starting to heal, and the swelling of his eye had significantly gone down. There were deep eye bags under his eyes, and Ten wondered if he had slept at all last night. 

_He must’ve carried me here once I fell asleep,_ Ten observed. 

_Why, Taeyong? Why are you doing this? Why couldn’t you have carried me when I was awake?_

_Why are you pushing me away?_

Ten got up, making sure to be as quiet as he could, knowing how light of a sleeper Taeyong was. He picked up the blanket, bundling up in his chest as he walked over in an attempt to heat it up. 

He shuffled the rest of the way over to Taeyong. He took a moment to simply admire the other’s features. He unfurled the blanket, straightening it out a little bit, before laying it on top of the other. 

He stood there, not wanting to move yet. This was the first time that day where he got to look at Taeyong. 

He leaned in close, cupping Taeyong’s cheeks, and pressing his lips against his forehead. 

He stayed there, closing his eyes and letting a tear escape. 

_Why?_

_I’m sorry for what I did. But please, don’t do this to me any longer._

He finally pulled back, wiping his tears, and walking back to the bed. He picked up his phone, checking the time. It was then that he realized that he had been there for the entire day, _waiting_ for the other to just _look_ at him. He had several missed calls and messages from Jungwoo. 

He had to get home. 

But for some reason, the word _home_ , also felt like the place where he was standing right then and there. 

He turned back to the sleeping male, taking in the other’s features, which were still as handsome as ever, no matter how many cuts or bruises were on his face. 

He sighed, and began to walk towards the door. He stopped at the side of the chair, leaning down and pressing one last kiss against Taeyong’s hair, and then walked out. 

****

The same thing happened for the next week.

Ten would sit in the same chair, and wait.

But Taeyong never looked at him. He never spoke to him, never moved from his window, he simply sat in the same place on his bed, staring out the window. If his neck hurt, which Ten bet it did, he did a great job at keeping quiet about it. 

He sighed as he poured his cup of coffee, something he had resorted to. Thinking about his many failed attempts of getting any reaction from Taeyong was starting to take a physical toll on him.

“Ten…” Jungwoo called. “Are you sure you want to go to work today? Maybe you should take a break and-”

“No!” Ten snapped, turning around from where was standing at the counter. 

He immediately regretted the action, when he saw his brother’s reaction. Jungwoo looked shocked and almost hurt. 

Ten frowned, guilty. “I’m so sorry, Woo.”

Jungwoo shook his head, walking forward and hugging him. Ten sighed, allowing himself to relax his head on the other’s shoulder. 

“It’s okay. I know you don’t mean it like that.” he said, softly. Ten immediately felt calmer under the smooth and bright tone of his voice. 

Jungwoo pulled away slightly, looking earnestly into Ten’s eyes. “I’m just worried about you. I mean, look at your eyes. I’ve never seen such bad bags on you before. When’s the last time you slept?”

Ten looked like a kitten who was caught doing something naughty. He looked up at the other with the best pouting eyes he could. “Is that a rhetorical question?”

Jungwoo only looked angry at that, shaking his head. 

Ten sighed. He looked away, trying to think of the last time he _actually_ slept, even for a second. He honestly didn’t remember. Every night, he had tried to sleep, but every time he closed his eyes, he would see Taeyong, sitting in the same position that he just can’t take anymore. He’s lost the will power to do a lot of things, because he couldn’t stop thinking about what the other was doing. At this point, he stopped trying to think about it in a professional way. Instead, he wonders what he could’ve as _Ten,_ not Ten the therapist. 

He just wanted to be held by the other again, and he didn’t care how long it would take. His heart ached every day, and while he thought that at least _seeing_ Taeyong would help, it only made it worse. 

“I don’t know…” Ten finally answered, his eyes filling with tears. “I can’t sleep… I just _can’t_. I miss him, so fucking much, but the worst part is that I’m seeing him, but it’s not the same.”

Jungwoo’s eyes were filled with sympathy, and he pulled the other back onto his shoulder. “You’re probably one of the greatest people I know, Ten. Hell, you probably _are_. But Taeyong seems like a good person too, and he wouldn’t just do that to you for fun, or for no good reason at all. I don’t know what you did, or what _he_ _thinks_ you did, but you do, and you know what you can do, or _say_ to change that.”

Ten sobbed. He just wanted Taeyong. He wanted to hug him, kiss him, joke with him, but he couldn’t. “I fucked up, and I don’t know how to fix it.”

Jungwoo couldn’t find an answer for him. “Everything will work out in the end. It’s gonna be okay.” He said, tightening his hold on the sobbing male and rocking them back and forth. 

Ten sighed. 

_It’s gonna be okay._

****

Ten came into the room, hoping that by some miracle, something would be different, but no. Taeyong was in that same fucking position. It made Ten want to scream.

It kills Ten to look at the other now. Taeyong looked dirtier than ever. His hair was knotted, sticking out from all sides, and his clothes were still the same ones the day of the episode. When the patient would fall asleep, Ten would take the time to admire his features, worried about the dark bags that almost contrasted his pale skin. He knew that this was tearing apart the other just as much as it was him. 

_So why?_

Ten didn’t know what to do anymore, so he just decided to let go of all his inhibitions. 

He shut the door, looking at the chair in the corner. He took a couple steps toward it, before stopping. He turned the other way, and without thinking twice, he sat on the edge of Taeyong’s bed. 

****

The thin mattress bounced slightly, causing Taeyong to nearly flinch. He wasn’t expecting Ten to sit on his bed like that, it hadn’t been that way all week. 

Speaking of, Taeyong felt disgusted with himself. 

Putting Ten through the pain of sitting in that chair. It killed Taeyong to see. When Ten fell asleep, Taeyong tried really hard to resist, but he couldn’t leave Ten sleeping like that uncomfortably, especially when the whole situation was his fault, so he carried the other to bed and tucked him in, not forgetting to admire the other’s beauty for a moment and pressing a light kiss on his cheek. 

When he had woken up, Ten had been gone, but when he saw that the blanket he initially gave to Ten was laid upon him, he wanted to rip his hair out. _Why won’t he just give up?,_ he had thought at that time, clutching the blanket close to him, trying to savor Ten’s distinct and comforting scent. 

Now, Taeyong grew anxious. It was easy to ignore him when the other sat in the chair, but right in front of him? He didn’t know how well he could stop himself. 

Because he missed Ten, so much. He just wanted to hold the other, whisper everything he wanted to in his ear, ruining everything he really deserved. He wanted to be selfish, and chain Ten down with him.

But he can’t, and he won’t. 

“Taeyong.” Ten called. Taeyong nearly turned to him, because his heart broke at the feeble tone of the other. 

“How long are you going to be like this?”

_Until you have the courage to walk away from me._

“I’m sorry for not being there, I really am, but it’s killing me, not being able to even have you _look_ at me. I’ve learned my lesson so please… just stop now.” He said. Taeyong had never heard him sound so weak.

Taeyong felt a ball in his throat, the same ball that has been there all week. He always tried to force his tears down, even when Ten wasn’t there to see. He didn’t deserve to cry like that. 

He hated how Ten blamed himself for everything. He hated how Ten thought that all this was to get back at him. _I’m doing you a favor, Ten._

His ears perked when he heard a restrained sniffle from the other, like he didn’t want him to hear it, but he couldn’t help it. _Stop._

“Please don’t do this to us.” Ten whispered. He sounded so broken and tired, that Taeyong almost stopped everything right then and there. 

He couldn’t do it anymore. He couldn’t hold back his tears, not when Ten was silently sobbing right in front of him. 

_Don’t waste your tears on someone like me._

He closed his eyes, shutting them tightly. His fists started to clench, and he began to grind his teeth.

They stayed like that for well over five minutes, and the silence was deafening. 

Ten sniffled one last time, and stood up from the bed. Taeyong could hear his whimpers of pain from holding back his cries. 

“Fine.” Ten said, growing frustrated, but more so hurt. “If you don’t want to be with me anymore, then so be it. I guess we’re done.” 

Taeyong held back a whimper. He _knows_ that’s what needs to happen, and he can’t stop it, but hearing the words makes him _want_ to. He wanted to say no so bad; wanted to take it all back, get on his knees, and beg for Ten’s forgiveness. 

He heard the other being to walk away, but he had stopped in the middle of the room. Taeyong knows that Ten wanted to be stopped from leaving. 

Ten’s breaths were sporadic and fast. Taeyong could feel the room heating up from his anger. 

“Did I mean nothing to you? Nothing at all?” he asked, furious. His voice shook, along with his uneven breathing, and the volume of his words increased by the end. 

_No._

_The opposite._

_You mean everything to me._

Taeyong bit his lip, feeling the satisfaction of it breaking open. The taste of iron erupted in his mouth. _I deserve it, for hurting you like this._

“God damn it, Taeyong, it hurts!” Ten screamed. 

Taeyong flinched this time. He had never once heard Ten yell, and he had never heard his voice sound so broken and sad. 

It made him question why he would be so hurt about losing someone as pathetic as him. 

Something in him broke. 

_I want to be selfish._

Ten sighed tiredly, turning around and heading for the door. 

_I want you._

His footsteps were resonating through the room, their slow and agonizing beats hitting both of them like a truck. 

_Ten._

“I thought,” Taeyong started. His voice was so dry from its lack of use, and so cracked, that it was almost inaudible. But Ten heard it. He heard it so clearly, and Taeyong knew he did from the screeching halt of footsteps. 

There was a deafening silence. It was one that rang through his ears, and no matter what he would say, or do, it would resonate through his entire body (I’m so sorry).

“I thought that if I let you go, you would be happy.” He finished, finally looking at Ten. 

He let out a pathetic noise when he saw the other’s face. 

Ten looked tired. There were tears still streaming down his face, and eye bags that were just as bad as his. Taeyong wanted to hit himself. 

“I didn’t know you would be this hurt. I-I thought you wanted this… wanted to be… free.” He spoke, while repositioning himself to where his legs were hanging off the bed. They felt wobbly, and he was relieved to be able to at least move them. 

Ten closed his gaping mouth, visibly swallowing down the ball in his throat. 

Taeyong couldn’t meet his eyes, only glancing occasionally. 

“Free? From what?” Ten asked, his voice just as pained as his own.

“From me. I’m pathetic, and you deserve someone way better.”

Ten softly shook his head. “That’s not true.”

“It is…” Taeyong said weakly. 

“It’s not.”

“It is!” He started to yell, frustrated at the truth he believed in so miserably. He stood up from the bed. “I can’t even keep my _fucking_ composure. I-I can’t leave the hospital and take you on a date. I have _nothing_ to give you, Ten. I’m just holding you down from someone better!” He shouted. He was looking the other straight in the eyes now, breathing heavily. 

He had been repeating that thought in his head, over and over, getting immeasurable headaches from the pain of it ricocheting through the confines of his skull; but saying it out loud… to Ten _himself,_ hurt to an unbelievable extent, and he felt his heart swelling with more pain. 

Ten shook his head, moving rapidly to get closer to him. 

“There is _no one_ else I would _ever_ want, Taeyong.”

Taeyong shook his head rapidly, looking away, trying to find something to prove his point. 

“No, look at me.” Ten said, cupping Taeyong’s cheeks. His tone held no room for discussion, and Taeyong found himself obeying, feeling pathetic for tearing up at the other’s soft eyes. 

“You do _not_ get to decide who’s right for me and who’s not, _I_ do. Do you understand? I don’t need to go on fancy dates to know how strongly I’m already falling for you. _Nothing_ can change who you are. You can live in the fanciest mansion, or the grossest and dirtiest place, and I’d still want to be with you.”

Taeyong gently grasped Ten’s hand, pushing his cheek into it, desperate for the contact he had been craving for a whole week. The small amount of warm pressure that he felt against his skin was enough to help him regain his breath with a shaky inhale. 

Ten stepped forward a little more, pressing his palms against the other’s chest, gripping his shirt. He rested his forehead against his torso, speaking tiredly. 

“Don’t pull away from me, because I won’t just let go.”

Taeyong buried his head into the other’s shoulder. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Ten shook his head. “The only person you should say sorry to is yourself, for doubting your worth like that.” he responded. “And I’m sorry too, for not coming back after things with Jungwoo got cleared up.”

Now it was Taeyong’s turn to shake his head. “It’s okay, I know why you did it.”

Ten frowned, looking up. “What do you mean?”

Taeyong looked up from the other’s neck, “You like that guy I saw you with, and you didn’t want to hurt me.” He said, so sure, like he was stating facts.

Ten scoffed, but there was not real malice in it. “Johnny?” He shook his head and closed his eyes, trying to regain control of his thoughts. 

“Did you not listen to _anything_ I just said? I want you, and _only_ you, not Johnny, not anyone.”

He sighed almost frustratingly, and buried his head into the other’s chest again, slapping him lightly. “Idiot. You need to accept the fact that I like you, a lot.”

Taeyong felt himself smiling. The smile hurt, because his dry and cut lips were finally being stretched, but he didn’t care. 

“But… you looked so happy with him.” he doubted. 

Ten scoffed. “We were talking about Jungwoo, there’s nothing I _won’t_ smile about when it comes to him. Also, he offended my height, and I hate that. That’s one of the best things I like about you, you don’t talk about my size.” He said, wrapping his arms around Taeyong and nuzzling his face into his chest. 

“Well, I’m not super tall, but I look like it when I stand next to you.” Taeyong teased. He felt liberated, being able to hold Ten like this again, basking in the enjoyable and playful atmosphere. 

“I will walk out of this room and never come back.” Ten threatened, his voice muffled in Taeyong’s shirt. 

Taeyong laughed, wrapping his arms around the other’s waist. 

“If anything, you should be glad you’re so healthy. It’s almost concerning how light you are.” He said, tightening his arms that were around the other’s waist and lifting him up. 

Ten giggled, slapping his arm lightly, but wrapping his legs around his waist to stay floating in the other’s warm embrace. 

“Well, maybe you’re just strong.”

“I don’t even leave this room, and you’re calling me strong. I’m barely skin and bones.” Taeyong mused, walking them towards the bed. 

“Well you know, you can be naturally strong without any exercise.” Ten bit back, grunting as his back hit the hard mattress. He made grabby hands for the other to join him, emitting a deep chuckle from the latter. 

“Stop trying to make excuses for yourself. You’re tiny and you know it.” Taeyong said, while sinking into Ten’s embrace. They laid on their sides, facing each other. Taeyong propped himself up on an elbow, holding his head with one of his hands.

“That’s it, goodbye.” Ten said, beginning to get up, before setting back down. Taeyong laughed, mumbling a small ‘no’. He didn’t want the other to leave, not for a long time. 

He reached a hand out, leaning forward and stroking Ten’s cheek with his thumb. “I love how small you are, It’s fucking adorable.”

Ten flushed at the curse word. Taeyong had always used them, but never to describe him like that. 

He responded with a hum, tilting his head back and forth as if he were in deep thought. “Hm, well I guess being short _does_ have its advantages” he supplied. 

Taeyong chuckled, leaning in, and gently pressing his lips against Ten’s, driving them into a soft, yet passionate kiss. His thumb continued it’s actions against Ten’s cheek, coaxing the latter’s jaw open so he could sneak in his tongue. 

The kiss grew heated as Taeyong moved on top of the other, careful not to press his full weight on him. He crowded Ten’s head with his arms, completely caging him in. He hummed into the kiss, pressing against him harder. Ten let out a light moan, causing Taeyong to laugh. 

He pulled away, pressing another kiss on his nose, and another one on his forehead, then his cheek, then his other cheek, before Ten was a complete giggling mess at his kissing attack. 

“I don’t get it,” Ten began, after being spared from Taeyong’s volley of kisses. “How do you still smell nice after not showering for like, a week?” He asked, incredulously.

Taeyong squinted playfully at the other. “ _Really_ ? We were having a moment and _that’s_ what you’re thinking about?”

Ten giggled. “I’m sorry, but I can’t just ignore this phenomenon. Any normal person would _not_ smell this nice after that long.”

“Well, obviously, I’m not so normal, am I?” Taeyong remarked, gesturing to the room around them.

Ten shook his head with a smile. “You’re right. You’re one of a kind.” he said fondly, leaning in to connect their lips again.

Taeyong tried to respond with as much passion as the other, but found it difficult because of the blush taking over his features from the flirty praise he had just received. He hummed, pulling away.

“You made a mistake.” Taeyong started, pecking his lips before continuing. Ten reached up, trying to reconnect their lips, but Taeyong pulled away to speak. “You shouldn’t have stayed here, cause now I’m never gonna let you go.”

Ten smiled softly. He circled his arms around the other’s neck, pulling him in for another sweet kiss. “That’s not a mistake,” he said in between pecks. 

“That’s the best decision I’ve ever made.” He whispered. 

Taeyong took a moment to process the sweetness of the words, nearly melting from the burning blush in his cheeks. He kissed Ten breathlessly, causing Ten to giggle between intervals. 

_Ten._

_My savior._

_My everything._

_I love you._

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday, Ten!
> 
> Some of y'all guessed it. Chapter Ten on Ten's birthday. Sorry for the long wait, but I just couldn't pass up the opportunity. I hope it was worth it!
> 
> I was supposed to upload this wayyyyy earlier today, but by the time I finished, I had a little too much for dinner and felt sick... not fun. But it's out now so yayyyy!
> 
> Anyways, enjoy!

Something about physical contact always comforted Ten. 

The idea of holding someone, either for comfort, flirtation, safety, or maybe even no reason at all, holds a special place in Ten’s heart. It speaks a kind of language that can’t just be spoken with words. Sometimes, a hug is the only key to helping someone who is sad. Sometimes, a soothing touch is the only key to calming someone driven by rage. 

Jungwoo is always there to be the victim of Ten’s hugging attacks, pillow fights, and cuddles. That kind of physical touch stems from the love of two brothers. 

Lucas is always there to hold Jungwoo, and the latter is there to do the same. That kind of touch comes from the unbridled affections of something unimaginable; two people who were once strangers, with no relation, and no knowledge of each other, running into the fatal hands of fate. No matter how cheesy it sounds, Ten will always be enamoured by its doings. 

But the feelings that he has for Taeyong is the same thing by definition, but are also entirely different. 

Maybe he is being partial, maybe he is too far gone to realize that it’s not _really_ that special. But for him and Taeyong, they _had_ a relation to each other. Ten was to be Taeyong’s therapist, and nothing more. But just like what was said earlier, Ten ran into the hands of fate, and got thrown into the arms of the patient. 

_Taeyong,_ who went through so much in his life. 

_Taeyong,_ who grabbed onto his heart and held it with his own. 

It _is_ different, Ten concludes. There is something so different about being pulled out of the darkness while finding love. There is something so different about surviving all the traumas of one’s life, to meet love at the end, like it’s an achievement. 

But they are not close to the end at all, and Ten relishes in it. 

The physical contact between them now is a warmth that is unforgettable. It’s a warmth that makes Ten wish he were somewhere else when he is alone in his bed at night. It makes him want to get up and run into the hospital, unable to find an excuse to tell the nurses other than the fact that he wants to be held by the other. 

A small ray of sunlight that shone directly onto Ten’s closed eyelids was enough to wake him up. He opened his eyes to find Taeyong’s peaceful and calming sleeping face. And that vision is enough to get Ten to start thinking about everything that was said earlier. 

_I do love you,_ he confessed. Well, he didn’t _really_ confess, but to accept the thought alone in his head, _right_ in front of Taeyong, makes the acceptance all the more real. The acceptance that this is _real_ , not just a figment of his imagination. 

The moment Taeyong broke down the day before, the moment he told his reasons for pushing him away, something in Ten broke. 

Like a dam that failed at doing its job miserably, all the deadly waters of realization came flooding into Ten’s heart, nearly shattering it. He realized that it would be silly to not admit that he loved him. No matter how long they have known each other, the feelings that Ten has for him are undeniable. Jungwoo was right, there is no timeline that says when one should love the other, and it would be foolish to wait that long. 

Ten smiled, reaching a hand up and cupping Taeyong’s cheek. The situation reminded him of last time, when both were unaware of their growing feelings. 

They were impossibly close this time, with the size of the small bed pushing Ten practically on top of the other. He had a leg swung around his back that was constantly pulling the two closer together like a constricting boa, until their faces were a mere inch apart. 

His thumb began making soothing circles on the taller’s cheek. They had spent the whole night before talking and cuddling. The actions seemed to not only heal each other’s cracked hearts, but it looked like it healed them physically as well. Ten felt healthier, and maybe it was because of the sleep he just had, but even before, as they were huddled close, teasing each other about who knows what, Ten could feel the tension from his muscles relaxing, and the darkness under his eyes seeping away. 

He leaned forward, which didn’t take a lot of effort because of their already close proximity, and pressed a light kiss to the bridge of Taeyong’s nose. His heart squeezed while watching the other scrunch his face at the ticklish sensation. It was enough to wake him up, because his eyes slowly fluttered open. Ten wanted to squeal at the sight of Taeyong fighting to keep them open when he saw him in front of him, causing the softest smile to appear. 

“Hi.” Ten said with a laugh, still reeling from the earlier sight. 

Taeyong’s smile widened, and Ten let out a yelp when he was pulled completely on top of the patient. Their noses brushed slightly while Ten was steadying himself. 

“Hi.” Taeyong finally responded. 

Ten rested his head on his hands that lay upon Taeyong’s chest. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to his heart, before looking back at the other playfully, laughing a little when he heard the other’s breath audibly hitch. 

“Good morning.” Ten greeted again. There wasn’t a lot he wanted to say or do, other than relish in the other’s embrace. 

Taeyong hummed at the same moment of Ten leaning forward and connecting their lips in a soft kiss. Their lips moved in sync, which caused Ten to let out a small exhale of content when their lips met again. 

Taeyong pulled away, playfully scrunching his nose like he had done earlier. “Morning breath.” He said in mock disgust. 

Ten laughed, slapping the other’s chest lightly. “Shut up.” 

“I’m serious. Let’s go clean ourselves up. I hate feeling so gross.”

The younger shook his head, burying his face in the crook of the other’s neck. “I’m comfy.”

Warm hands were placed on Ten’s hips, softly rocking him side to side. Instead of getting up, Ten only wanted to fall asleep again because of the soothing touch. 

Taeyong pressed a kiss to the other’s temple, mumbling a small ‘c’mon’ against his skin.

Ten shook his head again. He held his head up, looking down into the other’s eyes. “You know, I find it weird how you’re some scary guy to other people, but they don’t see behind closed doors that _you’re_ telling _me_ to get up to ‘clean ourselves up.’” he said, unamused. 

“They are scared of me because they know that I can fight, which is something I won’t hesitate to do if you don’t get up.” He retorted. 

Ten gasped. “You wouldn’t.”

He briefly saw a small fire spark in the other’s eyes, before he was flipped over and pinned down. Taeyong lowered his face just an inch away from the other’s. “I would.”

Ten hummed, moving his face forward a bit as well. Their lips brushed against each other. “You forgot something.”

Taeyong was half-listening. He was too enticed by the soft lips teasing his. “Forgot what?”

Ten smiled deviously. “My legs.”

The patient moved his head away, looking down in confusion. His eyes briefly showed realization, and he moved to stop what was coming, but he was too late. 

Ten’s foot reached around Taeyong’s back, kicking his balls.

He slipped out from under before Taeyong could crush his weight on top of him as he fell down, groaning in pain. The sight of the other almost made Ten feel bad for him.

Taeyong was hunched over, kneeling on his bed with his forehead pressed against the sheets. His hands were clutching the… point of contact. 

He looked over towards Ten, the side of his face now pressed into the bed. The sight made Ten’s heart race, and he came forward, placing a soothing hand on the other’s back.

“Did I kick you too hard?” he asked, but no matter how worried he was for the other, he couldn’t stop the smile on his face. 

Taeyong grunted. “You’re lucky I-” he cut his words short. 

There was a blaring silence, and if you were to hook Ten up to a heart monitor, you’d think he was actually having a heart attack. 

He _knew_ what Taeyong was going to say, and it caught him off guard that it was in the moment where he had just kicked his treasured spot. _The words have to fall completely from his mouth for me to count it,_ Ten concluded in his head. 

“I’m lucky you…?” Ten waited with a baited breath. 

A bead of sweat crept down Taeyong’s forehead, and Ten wasn’t sure if it was because of the pain he was still feeling or the nervousness in his words.

“I’m in pain. You’re lucky I’m in pain.” Taeyong said, clearing his throat and slowly sitting up. He winced while doing so. 

Ten’s heart fell. He couldn’t blame him for not saying the words, because _he_ hasn’t said them either, but it still hurts a little bit to be so close, and not get what you wanted. 

It was his turn to clear his throat. “You win. I’ll go to my apartment and freshen up while you do the same.” 

Taeyong looked up from the floor, clearing his throat again and nodding. “If I can walk.” he supplied a joke. 

Ten laughed. “You could do worse to me,” he said, turning around getting ready to leave. 

He stopped in his tracks, realizing how bad his words had sounded. He slowly turned around, and was met with Taeyong’s amused face. 

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Mhmm.” the patient hummed skeptically, smirking. Ten wanted to kick him right up in between his legs again. 

“I’m leaving!” he yelled instead, rushing out of the room. He faintly heard Taeyong’s deep chuckles, which was doing anything _but_ helping his fluster. 

He closed the door, smiling down at the floor, only to look up and see Doyoung’s surprised face. 

_Shit._

Ten put on the best nonchalant smile he could. “H-hi, Doyoung!” he said, cursing himself for the very obvious shake in his voice. 

How would he explain the fact that he was here _all night?_

Doyoung raised an eyebrow. “Hello, Ten. What are you doing here so early? Your shift doesn’t start until another… four hours.” He said looking at his watch to check his point. He looked back at Ten, and at his clothes. “And are you still in the same clothes? Were you here all night?”

Panic seeped into Ten’s bones. “I-I was.”

“Why?” Doyoung said with a scrutinizing look. It was at these moments that Ten wished he were a hitman. It would be so easy to take him out now and run out. 

“I-I… I was talking all night with Taeyong, about his symptoms and what happened.” 

That wasn’t really a lie, he _did_ do that… while also kissing and cuddling him but that’s besides the point.

Doyoung smiled, and Ten thought he was doomed. Doyoung doesn’t _smile_ , so it’s safe to assume it’s never a good thing if he _does_. 

“So you two are good again?” he asked. 

Ten looked up in surprise for two reasons. One, that he wasn’t being caught, and two, that Doyoung knew they _weren’t_ on the best terms. He had made it his mission to keep their conflict a secret, mostly because it seemed suspicious to be so hurt over being ignored by your _patient_ , and also because he was trying to avoid anything that could even _hint_ that there was anything else between them. 

“Yeah. But how did you know that we were bad in the first place?” Ten asked. 

“Whenever I came to check on him and give him food, he wouldn’t even move or speak. It was like having the old Taeyong around for an entire week. The only possibility was that you two weren’t doing well.” 

_The old Taeyong._ That is something that Ten will never let happen again, and he will especially make sure that the words ‘weren’t doing well’ will never reach his ears. 

Ten didn’t respond, and Doyoung nodded towards Taeyong’s room door as a sign that he was going to go in. 

Ten moved aside mindlessly. He was too busy thinking about Taeyong, and how great it felt to be held by him again. To love him. 

_To love him._

_Wait._

_Shit._

_Ten was straddling Taeyong, which was something he had been doing for the past fifteen minutes. He didn’t plan on moving, and he definitely didn’t plan on stopping his lips either._

_Taeyong’s hands on his hips tightened as the younger’s lips started exploring across his jaw, nibbling the skin there. He could feel Taeyong deflate from the sensations._

_Emboldened by this, his lips continued their journey down, reaching his neck. He was lost in the moment, and sucked on the soft skin, capturing it in his teeth every now and then. Taeyong groaned, digging his hands into his hips now._

_Ten smiled and pulled back, admiring the hickey he had imprinted._

_Hickey._

_Fuck._

_If Doyoung sees that…_

“Dodo!” Ten shouted. A couple of nurses that were passing by looked at him weirdly. Not only for the volume of his voice, but also the god awful nickname. 

Doyoung jumped, his shoulders tensing. Ten had turned around now, and saw that his hand hovered just above the keypad. 

The doctor turned slowly towards Ten, a glare in his eyes and a scarlet red color on his cheeks. If Ten weren’t so panicked, he would’ve taken a photo of the other’s face. 

“I don’t think you should go in there.” he said. _Do you think he will just believe you? Idiot._ He cursed at himself. 

“Why?” Doyoung asked, looking at the door with a worried expression. 

“Because… because he’s sleeping.” Ten concluded. He tried not to sound too proud at the viable lie he had come up with. 

“Well, I’ll just wake him up. I need to check on him.” Doyoung responded. 

“You can’t!”

Doyoung looked at him in surprise. “Ten, are you okay?” he asked, reaching his hand up to his forehead to check his temperature. It was only then that Ten could feel the sweat running down his back. 

He swatted his hand away. “I’m fine. It’s just that we were up all night talking, and I would feel bad to interrupt his sleep when I was the one who kept him awake.”

“I won’t wake him then. I’ll just slip in, check his temperature, and get out.” Doyoung said. It was clear that he was trying to calm Ten down with his voice, and the shorter took that as a reminder to keep himself in check. 

Ten shook his head. “He’s a super light sleeper.”

“How do you know?”

“Sometimes I come in when he’s sleeping, and the smallest sound wakes him up. It’s normal for patients here to be light sleepers due to their pasts, is it not?” Ten said. 

His lies were events that actually happened. Sometimes, Ten _would_ actually go to Taeyong’s room impulsively on the weekends, only to find the older peacefully sleeping. The only thing that would stop him from feeling awful about waking the other up, is the bright smile that would greet him every time, letting him know that he wasn’t the only one desperate to see him. 

So, it was easy to lie now, and for a brief second, Ten remembered that his childhood dream was to become a spy. 

Doyoung sighed, bringing Ten back to their conversation from his thoughts. 

“I know what you mean, but I need to check on him anyway.” He said, going back to the door. 

“I was just there with him, and I don’t know a lot about checkups, but he was definitely not on the floor dying.” Ten said. He spoke so fast, his eyes drilling holes into Doyoung’s hand that hovered over the door. He sighed when he looked up at the other and saw his worried face again. 

“You can always come check on him later. I just want him to be well rested. We don’t want the ‘old Taeyong’ back again, like you said.”

Doyoung looked between Ten and the door, visibly contemplating whether his idea was good or not. Finally, he let out a curt nod. 

“Okay, I’ll check on him in a few hours.”

****

Ten burst through the door of his apartment, ignoring Jungwoo who was both scared and concerned. 

“Ten! Where have-”

“I can’t talk right now, Woo!” Ten yelled, already closing the door to his bathroom, leaving Jungwoo to stand in their living room, confused. 

Ten ripped off his clothes, nearly falling and hitting his head on his bathtub while taking his pants off and turning on his shower. He got in right away, wasting no time and quickly lathering himself in soap and scrubbing it back off again. It had to have been the fastest shower ever. 

He rushed into his room, the towel hanging loosely off his waste. He had barely dried himself, which led to water getting on everything he touched. 

The clothes he chose were a blur, and he just reached for something that was black. _Because who can mess up black,_ he thought while in a haste. 

Nearly tripping at least four times, he ran back to the bathroom, brushing his teeth and putting on his shoes. When that was finished, he quickly grabbed random makeup tools off his counter. 

He was out the door in record time. 

Jungwoo sat at the dining table now, his cheeks puffed up with eggs as he watched the other zip around. 

“Hm.”

****

The nurses gave Ten the same look that Jungwoo had given him earlier as he barged into the hospital doors. He finally stopped to take a break when he noticed how quiet the place had grown. 

He was never one to get embarrassed by these kinds of things, so he simply bowed and walked off towards his office. 

The makeup sat heavily in his bag, and Ten had to figure out how he was going to get them through to Taeyong. 

When he had brought his stress cherry and gum, he had been able to say that it was to help his bad habits (which have significantly lessened, something that Ten takes immense pride in). But how do you explain bringing makeup in? Taeyong has always had a dream to be pretty, and Ten wanted to grant him that?

Cause people would believe _that_. 

Ten sighed, throwing his bag on the table and lying back in the chair, closing his eyes. 

He slightly opened his eyes to look at the clock. _Thirty minutes._

He felt like he was going into a heist. 

****

Ten jumped when his alarm rang through his office. He hadn’t realized that in the time that he was worrying about his near impossible mission, he fell asleep.

Raking a hand through his hair, he stopped the alarm and got up, grabbing his bag. 

Opening the door felt like those old tales children read when they don’t know what’s behind the huge chunk of wood. 

He closed the door behind him, and realized how silly he was being. No one would just look at him and tell he’s hiding _makeup_ in a big to cover up a _hickey_ that he left on his _patient._

_Or boyfriend._

Ten likes the sound of that. 

The thought calmed him down greatly, and he got to Taeyong’s door with ease. He clicked on the keypad, and entered when the beep allowed him to. 

The sight that always greeted him never fails to make his heart clench. 

Taeyong was sitting on his bed, fumbling with his stress cherry, and when Ten walked in, his head shot up with the _cutest_ smile Ten will ever see. He doesn’t know what he did to deserve to be in the presence of someone so dashing. 

But the thought of _being with him_ only reminded him what his mission was. 

“Hi-” Taeyong started, only to be cut off when Ten comes rushing towards him. He began fumbling with his bag, making Taeyong all the more confused. 

“What are you doing?”

Ten didn’t respond. Instead, he let out a small ‘aha’ when he pulled out the makeup he needed. 

Taeyong stared at the items in confusion as Ten sat down and prepared the blender for his neck. 

“Why do you-”

The feeling of the cold liquid being applied to the skin of his neck made him jump and stop speaking. He looked at Ten, who was too focused to notice his stare. Finally, Ten decided that it was a good time to speak.

“I needed to cover this up.” He whispered while gently covering up the mark. 

Taeyong looked at Ten’s wrist, then back to his face, which was nearly burrowing into the crook of his neck due to how focused he was. 

Silence filled the room as Ten continued doing his work. 

The hickey couldn’t be seen at all by the time he was finished, and Ten sat back with a proud smile to stare at it. 

But what he didn’t see was Taeyong staring at _him._

He looked up and met his eyes with his, taken aback from the subtle flame of an unknown emotion burning in them. 

Guilt seeped into his heart. He had always assumed that Taeyong didn’t really like hiding their relationship, and his guess was that it was eating at him now.

He looked down, fidgeting with the bottle. 

“I’m sorry, Taeyong.” he whispered, looking up to meet his eyes. All he saw was confusion. 

“I’m sorry that we have to hide,” he explained. 

Taeyong grabbed Ten’s hands. “Why do you think I have a problem with it?”

Ten moved his hands so they were holding his better, and his thumb started absent-mindedly stroking the back of the other’s hand. “Asking someone to keep their entire relationship a secret is a lot to ask, and it’s only reasonable to dislike it.”

Taeyong sighed, and Ten kept his eyes on their interlocked hands to avoid the sight of Taeyong’s disdain. 

He felt a warm hand on his chin, forcing his head up to meet the patient’s eyes. There was no look of disdain, or dislike. Instead, there was a soft smile on his face.

“You really are stupid sometimes, you know that?” he said softly. “Why would I be mad about keeping us a secret when the only important person in my life is you?”

Ten could feel the shake in his hands when Taeyong took his and brought them to his mouth, lightly pressing his lips against the back of them. He continued doing this to the middle of his palm, then all of his fingers, until he saw a smile bloom on Ten’s face. 

“What kind of therapist am I?” Ten said, sniffling a little bit from emotion. “I should be comforting you, not the other way around.”

Taeyong shook his head. “You show me that it’s okay to be vulnerable, and that my goal isn’t to be some picture perfect by the end of this. ‘Finding myself’ is what you called it.”

“You’re perfect to me.” Ten said, leaning forward and pressing his forehead against his shoulder. He felt Taeyong’s lips automatically go to his temple, and all the tension dissipated from his body

Everything was calm and peaceful. 

Until a beep sounded through the room. 

Ten never moved so fast in his life. He stuffed the makeup into his bag and slid in under the bed, then proceeded to haul himself across the room into a chair. 

The door clicked open, and Doyoung entered, surprised to see Ten there. 

“Ten? What happened to letting him rest?” he asked, accusingly. He held a plate with a sandwich and chips. 

“I could say the same for you.” Ten retorted, crossing his arms. What happened for ‘a few hours’?” 

“It’s my job to check on him.”

“And it’s mine to be here with him at this time. I think I win.” The therapist squinted at the doctor, while the patient sat there, staring. “And I could have gotten him that lunch.”

“I’m his _doctor._ What kind of therapist would I be if I didn’t give him the sustenance he needs?” Doyoung argued. His knuckles were turning white from how hard he was clutching the plate, and Ten wanted to laugh. _There is nothing more fun than teasing this guy,_ he thought. 

“And what kind of therapist would I be if I didn’t feed him to help his mental health improve?” He crossed one leg over the other, and he briefly caught Taeyong staring at him in the corner of his eye, which only encouraged him further. 

“Well I do know that you’re the kind of therapist that dresses completely unprofessionally. Who wears all black like that?”

“My fashion taste is impeccable, and it’s _definitely_ better than yours. I mean, what the _hell_ are those shoes?” Ten said, smirking when he watched Doyoung gasp and stupidly try to hide his feet.   
“Having a long coat on doesn’t give you the permission to wear that awful shade of green. At least I have a consistent palette.”

Doyoung began stalking towards Ten, who was still sitting smugly in his chair. “Well at least they will look at my coat and know that I’m a professional. People will look at you and think you’re a new patient.” he retorted, and it was his turn to smirk when he saw Ten finally show offense. 

The doctor drew closer, and Ten had to look up as he began to tower over him. Ten opened his mouth to argue again, but his words were cut off when Taeyong suddenly appeared between them, snatching the plate from Doyoung’s hands. 

Doyoung flinched at the harsh action. He looked as though he had forgotten Taeyong was even in the room. He cleared his throat, smoothing the lapels of his coat to either look professional, or wipe the sweat off his hands, and Ten guessed it was the latter. He tried so hard not to laugh, and he could feel all the blood rushing to his head from holding his breath. 

Taeyong gave Doyoung a quick glare, before walking back to his bed. He picked up the sandwich and took a large bite, not looking at either of them. 

Ten was still trying not to laugh, and the cuteness of Taeyong eating was not helping. A snort escaped his throat, and Doyoung turned to glare at him. Ten had to try really hard to not tease him more and offer him a carrot, because he looked so much like a bunny.

The sounds of Taeyong crunching on his chips made the whole scene more comical.

Doyoung cleared his throat again, something he seemed to do when his ‘class’ was threatened. “Well, I guess I’ll leave you two to yourselves.” he said, walking towards the door. 

“Bye, green feet.” Ten called as the doctor opened it. He received the least intimidating glare ever and just laughed. 

Doyoung stomped out, and the door closed with another beep. 

Ten turned back to Taeyong, who was still enjoying his food. He smiled and stood up from the chair, walking towards him. 

“You know, you’re really different when someone else is in the room. I’m surprised you didn’t join me in teasing him, and a little disappointed.” Ten mused, putting on a fake pout with the last words as he placed his hand on Taeyong’s shoulders and straddled him. 

Taeyong simply continued eating, his cheeks puffy with his sandwich. 

Ten waited for Taeyong to reach for another bite, and dove in and stole it. 

Taeyong looked up, his face clearly showing his offense as he stared at Ten with the sandwich still in his mouth. 

He furrowed his brows, trying to pull away the sandwich. The image was like a child trying to snatch their favorite toy from a dog. 

Ten smiled around the bread, finally tearing off a piece and eating it. 

The patient stared at Ten as he chewed. 

“You really are annoying, you know that?” Taeyong asked. 

Ten laughed, wiping some mayo off his lip and sucking it off his thumb. “I know.” he smiled wider when he saw Taeyong watching his mouth. 

The older shook his head, and simply continued eating. Ten smiled and kissed his forehead before getting off him. He spotted something pink on the floor in the corner of his eye, and he walked towards it. 

It was a magazine. 

Ten’s brows furrowed as he bent down, picking up the pamphlet. He turned it over, brushing some dust off and looking at the cover. 

_Dating 101._

He turned back to Taeyong, who was now working on his chips, drinking from a small cup of water at random intervals.

“What is this?” he asked, holding up the magazine. 

Taeyong looked towards his direction, his chewing halted when he stared at what Ten was holding. “I don’t know.”

Ten tilted his head. “Really? So I guess Doyoung came in here and left it?” he asked sarcastically. 

Taeyong smiled sheepishly. “Yes?”

The younger sat beside Taeyong, ignoring his sad lie and flipping through the pages. “I have so many questions right now…” he said, seeing the pink and colorful boxes that held literally _novels_ about how to ‘win one’s heart’, or ‘how to make them fall in love with you’. Taeyong watched him as he looked through it, a blush on his cheeks. 

“When did you even get this?” Ten turned to him, and Taeyong looked away. 

“The day you were gone.” he replied, watching Ten run his fingers over the dog eared pages. 

“And I’m assuming something in here made you angry, considering it was flung across the room. Care to share?” he asked, turning to the sheepish male once again. His tone was like a mother catching their child in an act. 

Taeyong kept staring at the magazine. “It… said I had to take you on a date to succeed in our relationship.” Saying it out loud makes him feel even more ashamed. 

Ten stared at Taeyong, not saying anything. He was angry at the idiot who wrote this. _So this is what gave him those insecurities._

_“I’m just holding you back from someone better!”_

Taeyong flinched as the sound of pages tearing filled the room. He looked over to see Ten ripping out almost every page, his jaw set. 

The sound of crumpling papers filled the room, and Ten was silent as he focused on his destruction.

He saw Taeyong take one of the poor scraps from the pile that he was creating, but he paid him no mind. _How can a piece of paper fill someone’s head with so many cruel thoughts?_

A hand was placed on top of his, stopping him from ripping yet another piece of paper. 

A small piece of paper that was folded into a heart was held out to him, and Ten looked up to see Taeyong smiling softly. 

His hand was opened, and the heart was placed in there. Ten could feel his _own_ heart being put into the hands of Taeyong in return. 

He looked down and smoothed his fingers over the heart smiling so widely. The small gesture spoke a million words, and Ten felt all of his anger fall away. He kissed Taeyong’s shoulder, and leaned his head there, still admiring the piece of paper. Taeyong had turned something that had filled him with rage into something that filled him with _love._

“Never again.” Taeyong spoke softly into the calming silence that filled the room. “I will never let a piece of paper control you and I.” he concluded, pressing a kiss to the top of Ten’s head. Ten closed his eyes and sighed. 

“Never again.”

The rest of the day was spent cuddling, and Ten never let that little heart go. 

****

The two weeks of Taeyong’s suspension came fairly quickly, and the end of the month with it. 

It was easy for both of them to wait for something that seemed so far away, because it didn’t matter that they couldn’t go outside anymore. What mattered is that they had each other. _That’s_ what made their days enjoyable. However, Ten definitely missed hearing Taeyong’s piano playing.

Ten thought about this as he sat at his usual spot of Jungwoo’s cafe. He chewed on his chocolate muffin and sipped his coffee as he scrolled through his phone. It was a Sunday, and despite Ten’s wishes, he didn’t have an excuse to go see Taeyong. 

Naturally, that doesn’t stop him from seeing him whenever he closes his eyes, even for a blink. 

“Ten?”

Ten looked up from the game on his phone. 

It was Sunmi. 

“Sunmi! Hi!” Ten was surprised to see her here. 

“May I sit?” She asked, gesturing to the seat across from him. She sat down when Ten gave a kind nod of approval. 

“How have you been?” Ten asked her, turning off his phone and sitting back. He sipped his coffee as she talked. 

“I’ve been good! I actually come here regularly now. The coffee is good.”

“It really is.” Ten said, finally detaching his lips from his cup. Sunmi laughed at that. 

A silence fell upon them, and Ten was waiting for Sunmi to ask the question that was clear on her face. 

“How is he?” Sunmi finally asked, her tone much quieter than when she last spoke. 

Ten stared sincerely at her. “He’s doing great. He did run into an obstacle a couple weeks ago, but it only made him stronger.”

“An obstacle?” She asked, looking worried. 

Ten nodded, pursing his lips. “It’s preferred that I keep this confidential, but I feel that you have the right to know.” He said, inhaling. “I had a family emergency, and he was left alone for a little bit. Some guys said some vulgar things, and he got into a fight with them.”

Sunmi looked down. “What did they say? I know Taeyong would always lash out when our family is brought up.”

Ten shook his head, fidgeting with the empty wrapper of his chocolate muffin. “Him and I have worked on that trigger. It’s almost completely gone now. That’s why Doyoung thought it was okay to give him the liberty of being on his own for a while.”

“Then… What's the new trigger? What did they say?”

Ten looked up at Sunmi. She really is beautiful, an exact mirror image of Taeyong. But the look of worry and concern is something that impedes on her features. Ten felt a strong need to wipe that look away. 

“They implied that they would want to do… things with me… consensual or not.” Ten said, scrunching his face in disgust. Sunmi covered her mouth, clearly just as discomforted as he was. “Doyoung assumed that the trigger was me, which is really the only explanation.”

Ten held eye contact with Sunmi. “Taeyong was protecting me, Sunmi. He acted violently to get back at them for what they said about me, not just for the reason of loving violence. It’s a big step for him.”

Sunmi nodded, looking down and fidgeting with her fingers. It was clear that it hit her. The realization that maybe, her brother _will_ be okay. 

Ten was now playing with his cup. “You know, his suspension is over. He can go outside now. Actually he has been going outside now for a while. I wish you could see the look on his face when he first saw the sun from somewhere other than a small window.”

Sunmi smiled. “I’m sure I would’ve cried on the spot from happiness.” She laughed, sniffling. “Taeyong was always praised for his looks by our father’s co-workers. I always teased him for looking like a rice ball.” 

Ten smiled at the sight of Sunmi reminiscing. It made him happy to no longer see her blaming herself for her brother’s traumas. 

“You can visit him, you know.”

Sunmi looked up in shock. 

“I’d have to get his permission, and yours, but it’s possible now.”

Sunmi looked as though she tried not to seem hopeful. “I don’t think he would want to see me.”

Ten looked at her, silently asking her to explain why. Sunmi understood. 

“When he found out that I wanted to send him to the hospital, he got mad. He threw things, some things at the wall, some things at me.” 

Sunmi rolled up her sleeve, and Ten frowned when he saw a deep scar that ran across her forearm.

“It… it wasn’t the Taeyong I knew. It wasn’t the Taeyong that I grew up with. It only made me more sure that he _needed_ help.” Sunmi’s eyes filled with tears as they moved this way and that as if she were reliving everything again. She inhaled and her breath shook as a sob wanted to come out. 

“He said he hated me, and that I wasn’t his real sister… I know that it wasn’t my brother I was speaking to, but the words hurt. To be called those things while you’re trying to help them… It only makes me believe that he hates me more.”

Sunmi kept her sleeves rolled up, and Ten solemnly stared at the scar.

“Sunmi,” Ten started. “What you did was help him, and like you said, the Taeyong you spoke to then wasn’t him. Words are something that we can’t take back, but we can speak new ones to mend whatever the last ones broke. Meeting Taeyong is an opportunity to do that.”

Sunmi let her tears fall. She nodded, showing that she was listening to him. Her hand went to her scar and started stroking it, and Ten knew that it was a habit that she must have.

He placed his hands on top of hers for comfort. “Think about it, okay?” he said, nodding encouragingly. 

Sunmi nodded. “Thank you again, Ten. He really does need to.”

Ten smiled. “He needs you just as much.”

****

Ten didn’t receive any word that Sunmi wanted to visit Taeyong. 

He understood that she needed the time to think about it, so he didn’t ask her, or speak to Taeyong about it. He didn’t want to risk the chance of giving either of their hopes up, and figured that Taeyong would know about Sunmi when she’s ready.

For the next three weeks, Ten and Taeyong did nothing but spend time with each other, happy to be able to be together in their little hallway again. 

They were walking there now, and Ten realized that he forgot his phone in his office. 

“Taeyong.” Ten called, feeling his pockets. 

Taeyong turned around. He was too lost in the scenery of the grass outside the large window in the cafeteria to even notice that Ten stopped walking.

 _I love you,_ Ten couldn’t help but tell him in his head. 

“I forgot my phone in my office, and I wanted to bring it so I could show you some songs.” he said, gesturing towards the direction of the hallway that his workspace sat in. 

Taeyong nodded and followed.

They walked side by side, and Ten felt Taeyong’s pinky locking with his, until pulling away. He looked up at the taller to see him looking down at him with a handsome smile. 

As they turned into the right hallway, which was significantly less crowded, Taeyong daringly held Ten’s hand. “Let’s just say I’m having trouble walking or something. I want to hold your hand.”

Ten laughed at Taeyong’s serious expression, like he was growing mad that he couldn’t hold his hand in his. Taeyong turned at the sound, smiling and bringing the back of Ten’s hand to his lips. 

Ten stopped them at his office, letting go of Taeyong’s hand to quickly walk in and get his phone. He had to look around for a little bit, until he found it under his desk. 

He walked out the door, holding it up to show Taeyong. “Found it.” he said with a smile of relief. 

Taeyong didn’t respond. Instead, he was looking at something on the bulletin board right next to the door.

“Taeyong?” Ten called, walked towards him. He stopped beside him, and saw that he was staring at his calendar. He looked back at the other in confusion. 

Taeyong snapped out of his thoughts when Ten interlocked their hands again, shaking his head. “Yeah… yeah sorry.”

“What were you looking at?” Ten asked, trying to find what on the calendar caught his attention so badly. 

“Nothing, just… It’s been a while since I’ve seen what the date was.” Taeyong finally turned to him with a smile. 

Ten hummed as Taeyong continued walking, pulling him away from the calendar. 

****

Ten shuffled in his sleep after snoozing his alarm, not wanting to get up so early that day. 

But the world seemed to have other plans. 

If the ‘world’ was named Jungwoo. 

Ten groaned loudly at the sound of Jungwoo barging into his room, blowing into a birthday horn and wearing a party hat. From what Ten could see through his sleepily squinted eyes, he could tell that his brother looked stupid. 

He grabbed the sides of his pillow, covering his ears with them and turning away from the screaming male. 

“Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you!” Jungwoo was singing by the time Ten had turned away. 

Turning away was his biggest mistake, because he hadn’t expected Jungwoo to jump on top of him. He struggled under the weight, trying to push him off. 

“Happy birthday, dear thebestbrotherinthewholewideworldthatIlovesomuchandhisnameis Ten!” Jungwoo was screaming right into his ear now, pushing away Ten’s hands that were clawing at him. Ten was smiling now at his brother’s theatrics, despite the annoyance that was still there for his ruined beauty sleep. 

“Happy birthday… to… you!” Jungwoo held the last word with a long note, bouncing on Ten. If the neighbors didn’t hate the two from their movie nights when they watched horror movies, then they sure did now. 

“Okay! Okay!” Ten said with a laugh. Jungwoo got off him, laughing as well, allowing Ten to sit up and wipe his tired eyes. 

He turned to the taller at the same moment that he got out a party hat for him as well and put it on him. His was more extravagant however, with the words, ‘birthday boy’ and big bubbly letters. Ten smiled and adjusted it better on his head. 

“So, what are we going to do today?” Jungwoo asked, bouncing again. “Maybe we should go bowling, or maybe we should watch a movie. Here or at a theatre? I do want popcorn. But we’ll have to save room in our stomachs for your cake? Forget it! Let’s do all of it!”

Ten laughed at his brother’s antics. “We can’t do all of that today, Woo. Are you forgetting that I still have work?”

Jungwoo whined. “Oh, come on! Surely you can miss a day, right? I mean, it’s your _birthday_.” Jungwoo whined louder this time, bouncing again. 

“Yes, but you remember what happened the last time I didn’t come to work. I’m not gonna let that happen again.”

“Who says it will?”

“Who says it won’t?”

“Ten…” Jungwoo whined again, something he always did when he knew Ten was right. 

“Woo…” Ten called back, matching his tone. “If I had any other job, then the whole day would be ours.”

Jungwoo deflated. “But, you would always take a day off…”

“Yes, before Taeyong was assigned to me.”

Jungwoo threw himself down on the bed in defeat. “I can’t believe you’re choosing to spend your birthday with your _boyfriend_ , instead of your _brother_.”

Ten chuckled, he leaned down, pressing a wet kiss on Jungwoo’s cheeks, which the other tried to deflect and wipe off after. “I’m not _choosing_ anyone. I have a job, and I’m going to do it.”

Jungwoo stared back at the other for a moment before whining loudly again. Ten shook his head with a smile and got up to shower. 

****

 _February 27th,_ Taeyong recalled.

_Ten’s birthday._

When he saw it on Ten’s calendar a few weeks ago, it all clicked. 

It was the perfect day to carry out his plans. 

He had made sure to ask Doyoung of the date every single day since then, so that he made sure that he didn’t get the wrong date. If he knew the other as well as he thinks, then Ten wouldn’t say anything about it. 

He had kept it a secret from the other that he knew, and he had lied about what he was looking at on the calendar. 

_February 27th, today._

“Happy birthday, Tennie.” He said with a smile, focusing on folding a piece of paper. 

****

Ten walked into Taeyong’s room, smiling not because of his birthday, but just the thought that he got to see Taeyong again. 

He didn’t really plan on telling Taeyong about his birthday. He didn’t see a point. Nothing should be different just because he was born that day. 

“Hi, Taeyong.” he said, smiling and closing the door behind him.

It was like Taeyong was already looking at the door before the beep even came, because he was standing there with a smile on his face. Ten was confused, but he didn't question it. If Taeyong was happy, so was he. 

Ten walked towards Taeyong. He was going to sit on his bed, like they usually did. Ten always got there around an hour before they were able to go outside, so they usually just sat around until then. 

But it seemed as though Taeyong had other plans, because the moment Ten was right next to him, about to turn around and sit down, he was pulled into the older’s arms. 

It took a moment to register that he was being held, and he smiled as he wound his arms around his neck. He could feel Taeyong’s warm breath caressing his cheek and shoulder, especially when he let out a deep exhale, like he was relieved. 

“You’re being sweet today.” Ten mused as he lifted his head from the other’s shoulder. 

“I’m always sweet to you.” Taeyong replied, sounding pouty. His voice was muffled by Ten’s shirt. 

Ten couldn’t help but laugh from the ticklish sensations of Taeyong’s voice vibrating through his body. “Not like this.”

Taeyong finally looked up, his face holding mock annoyance. “You want this everyday? Fine.” he said, burrowing his head back. 

Ten laughed louder. “That’s not what I said, but sure.”

Taeyong huffed and pulled away. “Fine, then I won’t ever hug you like again.” he retorted, pulling away. 

Ten’s cheeks hurt from smiling as he pulled the other back against him by the neck. “I meant that that wasn’t what I said, but I’m not complaining. I love your hugs.” He said, squeezing the other close to him. He inhaled the other’s calming scent and closed his eyes. 

“Now can we lie down? I had to walk here cause I fell asleep on the bus and woke up at the wrong stop. It’s safe to say that my feet hurt.” Ten asked. 

He could feel Taeyong’s smile against his skin. 

****

The hour passed by just as quickly as the two weeks did. 

Being with Taeyong made Ten feel like he forgot the entire concept of time.

When he saw the clock on his phone and told Taeyong that it was time to go, Taeyong stopped him from getting up. 

“Can you wait here?” Taeyong asked. 

Ten’s brows furrowed. “Why?”

“Because…” 

“Because what?” Ten asked. 

“Because… Just trust me… please?” Taeyong said with the puppy eyes that Ten can never resist. 

But Ten was a little too worried about what could happen when Taeyong is out there alone to care. “I don’t like the idea of you being alone out there again, Taeyong.” he said wearily.

“I know, and you have all the reason to be paranoid. But please, let me go alone and do something just this once. I’ll come right back I promise.” Taeyong pleaded, this time kneeling and grabbing hold of Ten’s hands. 

Ten pouted. “That’s unfair. You’re using your charms.”

Taeyong smiled devilishly, and the therapist sighed. “This is complete manipulation, but fine. But you have to come right _back_ , do you understand?” Ten said, his authoritative tone activated. 

Taeyong nodded quickly. 

_That smile is worth the risk,_ Ten thought. He leaned down, kissing Taeyong’s forehead. “Hurry up.”

Taeyong reached up as Ten pulled away and kissed him on the lips instead, taking him by surprise. “Thank you. I’ll be _right_ back.” he said, rushing to the door. He halted suddenly, turning back and pointing to the bedsheets. 

“I need those.” 

The sitting male rose a brow in interest as to why Taeyong would need it. He took the sheets out from underneath him and gave it to him anyway. 

Taeyong mumbled a small thank you and goodbye as he ran out. 

Ten sighed with a smile on his face.

****

Around twenty minutes later, Taeyong returned.

The door burst open, causing Ten to flinch and look up from his phone. He was greeted with a breathless Taeyong, panting and sweaty. 

“Okay… I’m ready.” Taeyong said between heavy breaths. He bent over, putting his hands on his knees and catching his breath. Ten’s eyebrows rose. 

“Are you okay?”

Taeyong suddenly snapped up, causing Ten to flinch. It was like he was never out of breath in the first place, because he was completely still as he dramatically posed like a prince, holding his hand out to Ten.

“I’m great. Shall we?” 

_He’s seriously not human,_ Ten thought as he laughed, getting up and linking arms with the older. 

Ten didn’t know what to expect as Taeyong led him through the halls, a blinding smile on his face. It made Ten not worry where he was going. Taeyong could be leading him to his imminent death and Ten would barely blink.

They came to their favorite hallway, and Taeyong stopped them in front of the door to the gardens. He turned around and looked at Ten, who thought he could see nervousness in his eyes. 

If he was nervous, he sure did a great job at hiding it, because his voice was completely calm and smooth as he moved aside from the door, gesturing for Ten to open in himself. 

“After you.”

“If there’s a trap behind this door, and you’re doing this as revenge for me kicking you in the balls, then I just want you to know, you deserved it.” Ten remarked. He had walked towards Taeyong while speaking, and put only an inch of space between their faces. 

Taeyong smiled, leaning forward and pecking Ten’s lips. “Open the door and find out.”

Ten hummed, trying to lean in for another kiss, but Taeyong moved away, gesturing to the door once more. 

The shorter sighed in defeat. He moved to the door, slowly opening it and stopping when he saw what was on the other side of the door. 

It was so simple, that you could almost miss it. But the _idea_ of it was so sweet, that Ten thought he would get a cavity. 

“Taeyong…” Ten started, staring at the makeshift picnic in front of them.

The bedsheet was laid out across the floor as the place to sit, and there were two plates of the standard hospital lunch sitting across from each other. The sun shined directly down onto the top of the grass hill where everything sat, creating the perfect ambience. 

Taeyong came up from behind him, sneaking his arms around his waist and pulling him close to his chest. Ten jumped at first, but relaxed into the warmth, resting his head back onto his shoulder. 

“Do you like it?” Taeyong whispered into his ear. 

Ten smiled, turning his head slightly to meet the taller’s eyes. “I love it.”

“Good.” Taeyong concluded. He fumbled with something in his pockets, and held out a small piece of paper from the magazine Ten had ripped that was now folded into a little kitten. Ten’s heart skipped a beat. He had always told Taeyong about how much he loved cats, and how he wanted to get one someday. 

“Happy birthday, Ten.” He whispered, placing it gently in Ten’s hands. 

Ten smiled out of adoration for a second, before it hit him. He looked back to Taeyong. 

“How did you know it was my birth-” 

Ten closed his eyes. “The calendar.”

Taeyong smiled. “Why didn’t you want me to know?”

Ten shrugged. “I don’t really see a point. Each and every day that I spend with you should be about _you_ , not me.” he explained, interlocking their fingers with his free hand when he heard Taeyong’s breath hitch at the words. 

“Our days together are about _us_ , Ten, because you make me feel like myself again.” he spoke softly against his temple once he gained his breath back.

Ten sighed, turning in Taeyong’s arms, pressing his hands against his chest, and staring at his heart as he spoke. “Fine, but that means that for your birthday, you’ll be pampered so much, you won’t even need to lift anything for yourself.” 

Taeyong laughed softly, pressing his forehead against his. “Whatever you say.”

They stood like that for a few moments, just holding each other like that, before Taeyong spoke.

“C’mon, your birthday food is getting cold.” he said, grabbing Ten’s hand and leading him to the top of the hill. 

Ten laughed when Taeyong stopped him from sitting down, making sure to pat it like a gentleman before making him sit on the blanket. He went around to his own side and sat. 

Taeyong moved around a little bit, like he was uncomfortable. 

“What’s wrong?” Ten asked. 

Taeyong’s brows were furrowed. “You’re too far away.”

Ten threw his head back in a laugh, something that the other couldn’t help but smile at.

The shorter got up and moved around the food, plopping himself down on Taeyong’s lap. Taeyong grunted at the pressure, but embraced him nonetheless. 

“Is that better?” Ten whispered. 

Taeyong hooked his chin on Taeyong’s shoulder. “Mhmm.”

They began to eat, talking about nothing special, and that made it everything to Ten. To simply enjoy the warmth of each other’s bodies and not worry about anything else. 

When they were finished with their food, Taeyong stopped Ten from grabbing the small chocolate cake that was a special in the cafeteria, and took it in his own hands. 

“I wanna eat it now.” Ten pouted, trying to grab it out of Taeyong’s hands.

Taeyong laughed. “Hang on a second.” he said, taking yet another item out of his pocket. “I wanna say something real quick.”

Ten sighed in mock annoyance. He didn’t prepare his heart for the words Taeyong later spoke. 

“The hospital obviously wouldn’t let me have candles, so…” Taeyong presented a small origami candle made out of the magazine again. Ten smiled at its cuteness. 

“Happy birthday to you…” Taeyong began singing. His voice was deep and reverberated through Ten’s body, stunning him. 

“Happy birthday, dear Tennie.” Taeyong said with a smile, and Ten giggled. He stuck the paper candle into the front of the little cake as he sang the first verse. 

“Happy birthday to you…” Taeyong sang the last words even softer, which Ten didn’t think was possible. 

The cake was held in front of his face and Ten smiled, ‘blowing out’ the ‘candle’. He turned to Taeyong again and they shared a smile. 

“You know, you’re a really good singer.” He said.

Taeyong hummed, smiling. “Am I?” 

Ten nodded. “Your voice is really relaxing.”

Taeyong kissed the crook of Ten’s neck. 

“When did you learn to make these?” Ten asked another question, pointing to the candle. 

Taeyong tensed, and Ten realized that it brought back a memory. He stroked Taeyong’s hands as an attempt to comfort him, and it seemed to work, because he felt him relax again. 

“My sister taught me.” Taeyong finally spoke.

The image of a crying Sunmi stroking the scar on her arm entered Ten’s mind. He sunk more into Taeyong’s chest.

“Can you teach me one day?” He asked. Taeyong looked at him, surprised.

“I just… I want to learn more about the Taeyong that grew up and made you the man that’s holding me today… if you’ll have me.”

Taeyong smiled, that fire of an unknown emotion swimming in his eyes again when Ten turned to him. He pressed his face into the crook of Ten’s neck.

“Why not? You already have me.”

Ten smiled, closing his eyes and relaxing once again. 

“Ten…”

Ten hummed, not thinking too much about how he was called.

“I…”

 _That_ was enough to get his attention. He opened his eyes, staring sincerely into Taeyong’s eyes.

Their faces were barely an inch apart when Taeyong sighed, finally letting the words loose.

“I love you.” 

Ten nearly choked on air. Both of their breaths were shaky as Ten lunged himself further into Taeyong’s arms, wrapping his arms around his neck and kissing him passionately. 

They fall back into the soft grass, their lips saying all the things that just can’t be expressed with words.

Ten slowly pulled back, pressing one last kiss to Taeyong’s lips before speaking. 

“I love you too. So much, Taeyong.”

Taeyong laughed, his eyes filling with tears.

They savored that break, kissing and cuddling on the soft ground of the earth.

****

When Ten went home later that night, he made sure not to wake Jungwoo up.

He walked to his room, taking out the new origami papers, and rested them on his nightstand, right next to the heart Taeyong gave him before.

He smiled. “Goodnight, Taeyong. I love you.”

He got into bed, and fell asleep with one single thought. 

_Best birthday ever._

_Lee Taeyong._

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Have a good day or Taeten will be sad :(, and stay healthy! (Wear your mask, please ;-;)


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